Still With Me
by Bellatrix wannabe 89
Summary: Olivia swore she put it behind her. She was over it. It was so long ago and now she had Noah, she had Tucker... she was truly happy. But now the man who hurt her, who touched her without permission, who took her without consent wasn't just back but he was in charge of her, of her squad? Is it just a horrible coincidence or was there something even more sinister at work? Tuckson
1. Chapter 1

I own no one but my own people

 **1985**

 _Round and round! With love we'll find a way just give it time! Round and round! What comes around goes around! I'll tell you why!_

A 19 year old Olivia Margaret Benson laughed as her boyfriend of two weeks Lucas Ryan spun her around, nearly spilling her beer, the third one she had that night, in the plastic red cup and almost knocking into the other couples dancing at the house party a fellow student was throwing.

She grinned at him as Lucas put his hands in her tightly permed hair and pulled her in for a kiss, pressing up against her thin athletic body.

The young couple pulled apart and Olivia couldn't help but laugh at the dorky smile on his face.

"Lets get you a shot!" Lucas had to yell over the music to be heard.

"Babe, I think I had enough," Olivia said as he dragged her over to the table that was lined to the hilt with alcohol.

"Come on, Liv," Lucas prompted with a grin of almost unnaturally white teeth as he grabbed one of the paper shot glass cups and poured a healthy amount of tequila in it. "You drank ten times this amount when you pledged 'Zeta Phi Beta'!" he told her with false over excitement, fingering her necklace bearing her Greek letters as he did.

"Yes, and I'm pretty sure I lost half my brain cells last year," she told him but nevertheless taking the shot glass from his hand.

"Yet you still would up on the Presidents List... Come on! Drink! Drink, drink, drink...!"

Olivia rolled her eyes as the people around her began chanting for her to down the shot but nevertheless she put the cup to her lips and downed the alcohol, letting out a slight cough as she did so.

There was cheers around her while Lucas wrapped his arms around her and kissed her again, moaning softly as he pulled in tight against his body.

"Another!" someone yelled to more cheers and before she knew it she had another shot in her hand and more chanting. Olivia swallowed hard before she downed that shot to even more applause and before she could even blink another shot was handed to her. Feeling stirred on by the crowd she downed that as well.

"That's my girl!" Lucas roared over the crowds cheers. Olivia swayed slightly, shaking her head when she saw someone begin to pour her another.

When the crowd finally accepted she wasn't going to take another shot and turned their attention to another girl Lucas leaned in close to her.

"You look so hot downing those shots," he told her, suddenly grabbing hold of her hips and pulled her in closer, kissing her as he pinned her against the wall.

"Lucas," she managed to say through his kisses. "Lucas, wait a minute..." He ignored her words and began sliding a hand up her shirt and pawed her breast. "Babe, slow down."

He moved his kisses from her lips to her ear, gently nibbling on her earlobe. "You want it nice and slow, baby?" he whispered, not taking his hand off of her chest.

"I don't want it at all," she said as she pushed his hand down.

Lucas sighed as he stepped away from her, crossing his arms. "Liv, we've been dating for two weeks now..."

"Exactly... Hell the only place you've taken me out is to coffee, McDonalds and here," she argued. "Plus I've had a few drinks-."

"You had three shots and three beers," he argued.

Olivia narrowed her eyes at him. "Lucas, why are you getting upset?"

"Because I brought you to this party and I'm not getting anything out of it!"

She swallowed hard as she looked at him. "That was a really shitty thing to say..."

"Well you're being a really shitty girlfriend."

The brunette teenager shook her head before she turned and stormed out of the kitchen.

Olivia headed for the front door and was only stopped when she felt someone grab her hand.

"Go away, Lucas!" she barked, whipping around, prepared to lay into who she thought was Lucas but instead she saw another man who raised his hands in mock surrender when he saw the angry look on her face.

"Sorry, sorry," the man apologized quickly. "I just- you looked upset, I wanted to see if you were okay."

The man was tall. At least six foot with a trim athletic body with light brown hair and soft brown eyes. He appeared to be in his early twenties.

Olivia sighed and leaned against the wall, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "No, I'm not okay."

The mystery man waited patiently as she shook her head. "My boyfriend is being an ass," she admitted. "Or rather ex boyfriend," she grumbled.

"Oh man... I'm sorry. Were you two together long?"

"Two weeks," she told him.

"Ah... Definitely a long term relationship that'll take you months to get over then."

Olivia couldn't help the slow smile that spread on her face. "You could say that."

The man chuckled and held out his hand. "Ben Taylor."

"Olivia Benson," she told him as she took his hand, unable to help the shy smile as he brought it to his lips and kissed the back of it.

"So Olivia," Taylor said putting his hands in his jean pockets. "You wanna get a drink and you can tell me all about your asshole 2 week old boyfriend?"

"I probably shouldn't have anymore to drink," she told him, already starting to feel the effects of the shots. "I'm gonna be useless all day tomorrow if I do."

"See now, this is where you have me wrong," he told her. "You assume I mean alcohol. There is plenty of juice and soda in there as well."

Another shy smile. "I'll take a diet coke."

"Diet coke it is."

The two walked back into the kitchen where thankfully Lucas was already gone. Taylor grabbed a red plastic cup and the 2 liter of soda, turning his back to her as he poured.

"So," he had to yell as he handed her the cup of soda, the DJ deciding to play a rather loud song at that moment. "You a student up at Sienna?"

Olivia nodded as she took the cup, taking a swig of the drink before she spoke. "I'm a Sociology major with a Criminal Justice minor, I just started my Sophomore year. You?"

"I'm graduating after this semester with a BA in Business."

"Very fun," she said as she took another drink of her soda. "What do you wanna do after school?"

"What?" he yelled again.

"I said what do you wanna do after school?" she raised her voice.

Taylor shook his head, pointing to his ear which Olivia just noticed had a hearing aid in it. "I swear to God I'm not making a move but you wanna go someplace quiet? My battery is on the fritz."

Olivia bit her lip for a moment and Taylor's held up his hands again. "It's completely fine if you don't want to, it would just be nice to hear you."

"No, it- its fine. Sorry, I'm just being paranoid," she told him, downing the rest of her soda before he grabbed her hand and the two headed towards the stairs. Halfway up the stairs though Olivia suddenly felt a rush of dizziness and she had to hold onto the banister to keep from falling over.

"Whoa," Taylor said with a short laugh, grabbing onto her arm. "You alright, Liv?"

"Yeah," she answered, shaking her head. "Yeah sorry, those shots I had earlier must have... must be hitting kind of hard right now."

"Well... here, come on, let me get you to a bed. You're about to fall down the stairs."

Olivia nodded and allowed him to help her up the stairs, the dizziness increasing with every step. By the time they got to the room she could barely stand up.

"Easy, I got you," Taylor told her, opening the door to an empty bedroom and shutting it behind him. Olivia just groaned as he all but carried her to the bed and laid her down on it. Her eyes fluttered and the room before her began to swirl. She tried to keep her eyes open but it was a struggle that, eventually, she lost

…

 _Hard breathing, something wet and sloppy against her neck, something heavy on top of her. She opened her eyes, unable to focus on anything save for the pain that was radiating through her._

 _She tried to move her arms but they felt heavy. Too heavy. Like something was weighing them down. Her chest ached. Someone was squeezing her breasts as tight as they could. She felt a deep persistent thrusting but her brain couldn't quite wrap itself around what was happening but somewhere, in the furthest recesses of her mind, she knew..._

" _St.. St- stop," she whimpered at whatever was causing her the pain. "Don't..."_

 _The thing on top of her paused for a moment before it continued harder and faster than before._

 _Olivia tried to struggle, tried to close her wide open legs, lift her pinned arms but nothing..._

" _Don't..." she moaned, letting her head fall from one side to the other, a sad pitiful attempt to shake her head no. "Please," she begged, trying desperately to see through the fog._

 _The room began to get hazier and she knew within moments she would black out again. She forced herself to concentrate on the person on top of her and saw, for a flash of a moment, light brown hair and soft brown eyes..._

…

"Hey... Liv... Olivia, you awake?"

Olivia slowly opened her eyes, her entire body feeling like it was hit by a dumptruck. She groaned as she put a hand to her head, closing her eyes against the bright sunlight shining in the bedroom.

"What time is it?" she moaned.

"Just after eleven," Taylor told her, handing her a bottle of water and a bottle of Tylenol. "Those shots really went to your head," he said with a chuckle as he sat down on the edge of the bed.

Olivia didn't laugh as she took the pills followed by a chaser of water as she sat up. She felt sore all over. Not to mention the soreness between her legs...

"I... I don't..." She shook her head before she looked at him. "I don't remember anything..."

"I wouldn't either if I were you. After we got up here, you pounded down half a thing of vodka," he said with a nod towards the dresser where a tipped over empty bottle laid.

Olivia blinked, trying to remember some detail about the night before and coming up empty.

"No, I... I fought with Lucas... you got me a soda... Then... I didn't pass out right away?"

Taylor shook his head. "Nope. You were dizzy for a bit but then you went right back to drinking. I stayed here all night to make sure you were alright."

Olivia bit her lip as she looked down at herself. Her skirt and top was still on, the only thing she was missing were her shoes. But that soreness...

"Did we... Did we do anything last night?"

Another shake of the head. "No. Although it wasn't for a lack of trying on your part. In fact you uh... you found a vibrator in the dresser and you kinda went to town on yourself."

A hot red blush overtook her and she buried her face in her hands. "Oh God..."

"Hey no, I- I mean I didn't look. I actually stepped out for that," Taylor told her. "Went back in half an hour later and you were half asleep, told me you threw it out the window because it 'wasn't getting the job done', so I just took your shoes off, covered you up and slept on the floor."

Olivia couldn't even look up at him as she spoke.

"I'm so... so sorry. I NEVER act like that when I'm drunk. I don't know what happened..."

"It's fine, Liv," he told her with a charming smile. "We all do stupid stuff when we're drunk sometimes..."

She offered nothing in response, instead choosing to stand up form the bed but promptly sat back down as another bout of dizziness took over.

"Take it easy," Taylor told her, putting an arm around her shoulders. "Where do you gotta go, lemme give you a ride."

Olivia opened her mouth to tell him she was fine but the more she sat there, the more she realized she wasn't getting home without some type of assistance. So she accepted the offer and twenty minutes later Olivia was sound asleep in her own bed at her sorority house with a promise to call him later ot let him know she was okay...

She woke up hours later to someone knocking on her door. The aching soreness between her legs was still there.

She slowly slinked over to the door and opened it to Becca, a friendly intelligent redheaded Junior.

"Hey, Liv," the red head greeted her sorority sister with a smile. "We ordered some pizza for dinner if you're hungry."

"Thanks but I'm good," Olivia told her, leaning against the door frame. "I just need to take a long hot shower."

"Okay. You sure though? We got extra bread sticks," Becca announced in a sing song voice. Olivia gave her a short chuckle and nodded.

"Yes I'm very sure. But if you wanna be nice, you could sav-."

"Wait wait wait..." Becca interrupted, looking at her closely. A knowing smile appeared on her face. "So you and Lucas took the next step hmm?"

Olivia narrowed her eyes in confusion. "What? No, we actually broke up last night."

The red head crossed her arms and smirked at the brunette. "Oh yeah? Well whats that then?"

"Whats what?"

"That," Becca replied pointing to a spot on her neck.

Still confused as to what she was talking about Olivia headed over to her vanity with Becca following. Olivia moved her hair away from her neck and gasped as she saw what Becca had been talking about.

On her neck, plain as day, was a large unattractive hickey.

"No..." she whimpered, her hands beginning to shake as she examined it. "No no no no..."

"Liv?" said Becca, all hints of joking out of her tone. "Olivia, whats wrong? Whats the matter?"

Without offering any explanation Olivia yanked off her shirt and all but ripped off her bra, letting out a cry when she saw bruises in the shape of hands on her breasts as well as bite marks. There were bruises on her stomach and she was willing to bet her thighs as well. She examined her arms and found that her wrists were now bruised too...

"Olivia, what is happening?" Becca asked again, her voice now holding a twinge of fear. Olivia ignored her as she grabbed her shirt and yanked it back on, running out of the room with Becca following. She went down the hall a bit, all but slamming on the door of one of the girls who lived there.

The girl opened the door a bit irritated but her irritation turned to shock when she saw the person on the other side. "Whoa... you alright?" she asked, seeing the tears in her housemates brown eyes.

"You- you're a business major right?" asked Olivia, hardly able to get the words out due to her trembling.

"Yeah... why whats going on?"

"Do you take any classes with a guy named Ben Taylor?"

A nod of her head was her answer. "Yeah hes in my Global Business and Marketing class."

"Do you know where he lives?"

"The Elwood Apartments but- Liv!" the woman called out to her when Olivia turned and left without a single word of thanks, all but sprinting down the stairs and out the door.

The Elwood Apartments were single man apartments on the school grounds for the seniors and were only a quick ten minute drive between her sorority house and the apartment building.

Olivia parked in front of the building, not caring rather or not security gave her a ticket and ran into the building, her heart pounding as fast as it ever had before.

"Whats Ben Taylor's room number?" she barked at one of the students leaving the building.

"318 but-."

Again no words of thanks were spared and Olivia sprinted up the stairs and pounded on the door.

It took several moments but eventually she heard the door unlock and Taylor appeared, smiling at her. "Olivia! I didn't expect-."

What he expected no one would know because at that moment Olivia reached back and punched him as hard as she could, her high school ring she wore slicing quite a large cut on his face. Taylor fell into his dresser with a loud crash, grabbing his cut and bloody cheek. He steadied himself before he looked at her, his honey brown eyes wide with shock.

"The FUCK is wrong with you?" he yelled at her.

"You know what you did!" she yelled back, unable to stop the tears from gathering in her eyes. "Did you think- did you think I wouldn't find out?! That you could get away with it?!" she cried.

"You are insane," he barked at her. "I didn't do anything to you! I looked out for you last night!"

She gathered her hair with shaking hands and showed him the hickey. "You didn't do this?! You- you didn't cause the bruises or the- the fucking bite marks?!" she screamed pushing him with all her might.

It was like a light switched on. Instead of the astonished outrage he just smirked at her, crossing his arms. "No one will believe you."

Olivia swallowed hard but nevertheless stood her ground as he walked up to her. "You really think I won't tell the cops?"

"Go ahead. Tell the NYPD." He leaned in, grinning when she took a small step back, "I dare ya... You got drunk at a party where people saw you throwing back shots, you kissed one guy, went up to a bedroom voluntarily with another guy you were smiling and talking to... Not to mention you're underage and you looked like you belonged on the corner last night. They will laugh your ass out of the precinct."

Olivia felt tears well in her eyes as his words sank in... He was right. No one would believe her. No one believed her mother, why on earth would they believe her when she said she was raped under these circumstances?

Taylor must have known what she was thinking because he just smirked at her and shut the door in her face.

 **PRESENT DAY**

"I can't believe you," Olivia spat as she paced the carpet in Chief Dodds office.

"It wasn't my decision," he argued for what felt like the hundredth time.

Olivia let out a humorless laugh and stopped in front of him, crossing her arms. "Really? Because the only people authorized to put people in SVU, much less a new commander, is you."

"One PP isn't comfortable with the idea of one of their commanders dating an IAB agent," he explained.

"We disclosed!"

"Yeah, AFTER he was questioned for sex trafficking and murder... I tried to fight for you. I did," he told her when she gave him a look of disbelief.

"Sure," she grumbled, earning a somewhat harsh look.

"But, _Lieutenant_ ," Dodds emphasized, reminding her just how much he outranked her and that she owed him the respect that came from being Deputy Chief. "Even I have people that go over my head... Okay and hey, I put your pride before my own sons career. They wanted to keep Mike in command but I told them it wouldn't be right for you to take orders from a Sergeant."

Olivia took a deep breath and rubbed her temple, doing her best to calm down and not further embarrass herself in front of her chief.

"Chief... SVU is my life," she said, her voice now pleading instead of angry. "Please. I can't give it up. Not again."

"No one is asking you to, Benson. You'll still lead your squad, you'll still be at SVU, you just won't in command of the whole precinct."

Olivia sighed as she looked at him for a moment before she sank down in one of the chairs in front of his desk. "How long?"

"For as long as it takes for you to prove to 1PP that you can do your job without letting your relationship interfere."

Olivia shook her head before she looked at Dodds. "I'm a good cop."

"You are," he agreed. "One of the best. Not to mention a damn good commander."

She leaned back in the chair for a moment before she spoke again. "Who's taking my spot?"

"A Captain from White Collar Crimes."

"So not even an SVU detective, we get someone who has never dealt with a sex crimes victim in their life... You couldn't spare another Lieutenant or Captain from another SVU?"

"You know how it is, Benson, every SVU precinct is short staffed. That's what happens when you can only take cops who volunteer specifically for a unit."

"Okay, I get why NY has that law in place, but it's stupid that you can pretty much play chess with every other Detective in NY and put them where they're most needed except SVU."

"I know but, nevertheless, that's how it is."

"But this guy volunteered?"

Dodds nodded. "Had to pretty much promise him his Deputy Inspector rank after this stunt but yes, he volunteered."

Olivia looked her boss in his eye. "Is he any good?"

"He's... It's temporary, Benson. That's all you gotta remember."

"Oh that makes me feel warm and fuzzy."

"Just keep your head down, keep doing what you do best, and you'll be behind your desk soon enough."

With a shake of his hand Olivia turned and left his office.

The ride back to her precinct was short and sweet and when she walked in she couldn't help but notice the unusual silence taking the place of the hustle and bustle of a police precinct. It wasn't until she noticed Carisi straightening out her contents on what used to be Mike Dodds desk overlooking the rest of the precinct, trying to make it appear like her stuff hadn't been tossed out of her former office and her new boss had actually cared about her things.

Olivia scoffed and shook her head in disbelief before she went over to him

"He didn't even let me clean out my own office?" Olivia asked as she approached him.

"Um... No, but he was really gentle with everything." Carisi lied through his teeth. "I was just, ya know, making it look better."

"You're a horrible liar, Carisi."

"Sorry, Lieu."

"Don't be, you didn't make this decision... Where did you move Dodds?"

"The spare desk by Fin. Originally the new Cap moved all your stuff over there but Dodds moved it over here. We all agreed it wasn't right a lieutenant had to share desk space with detectives when a Sergeant got this one."

Despite all that has happened she couldn't but smile at her youngest detective and felt a glowing admiration for her squad. "Thanks for that, Carisi..."

She looked in her old office and found it empty with the exception of two large boxes that she assumed contained her new Captains things. "Where is he anyway?"

"He's with Rollins in the break room."

Olivia thanked him again before she made her way into the break room. Rollins was leaning back against the wall while a taller fit man stood in front of her, what one could almost describe as a flirty smile on her face.

Olivia raised her brow at her detective and cleared her throat, gaining the blondes attention. Amanda stood up straight and the flirtatious grin disappeared.

"Um, uh, Lieutenant, I was just-"

"You're fine, Rollins. You're the new Captain I'm presuming?" she asked the man whose back was still turned to her.

The man turned and Olivia's entire world stopped spinning as her heart sped up and stopped at the same time, her breath stilled, her eyes went wide and her mouth fell open in shock.

A million different emotions rampant through her, all of them terrifying and angry and depressed... She wanted to run as far as she could out of the precinct as she could.

"Lieutenant Benson, very pleased to meet your acquaintance. I'm Captain Ben Taylor," the man with honey brown eyes and a long mean scar on his face said with very familiar smirk...

 **Please Review**


	2. Chapter 2

I own no one but my own people

 **1985**

Olivia sat in front of the security officer, desperately wishing she had changed her clothes before she went to go see him.

She knew the cops wouldn't believe her. Not to mention the poking and prodding that wouldn't lead to anything except proving she had 'rough sex'. But, even if she couldn't get him arrested, she could get him kicked out of school. She could ruin his life the same way he had ruined hers, she could label him what he was to the other students at least...

But now that she had told her story, through many tears, to the campus security officer, she was already regretting it.

Officer Micheal Kohl was an obese balding man in his fifties. He leaned back in his leather chair with his arms crossed the whole time, looking at Olivia like how dare she interrupt his usually easy night shift. The whole time she was talking he just sat back chewing his gum which did nothing to mask his sour breath looking like the words 'are you done yet?' was on the tip of his tongue.

When she was finally done she sat in the chair, feeling more exposed with her tight shirt and short skirt then she ever felt.

Kohl sighed as he leaned forward, rubbing the stubble on his face. "You're sure you don't remember saying yes?" he asked.

More tears filled her eyes and she shook her head no.

"But you say you don't remember anything, so you could have said yes."

"I... I mean I guess but-."

"Is that the outfit you were wearing when he did ya?"

Olivia narrowed her eyes into angry slits. 'He didn't 'do me', he... He attacked me," she sniped, unable to get the R word out.

Kohl held up his hand to silence her. "Just answer the question."

Olivia shook her head in disbelief before she spoke. "Yes. I haven't changed out of it yet."

"Uh huh... And how many drinks did you have?"

"Three beers and three shots."

"And you're how old?"

Olivia looked down at the ground, mumbling out her answer.

"I'm sorry I didn't hear you," Kohl said, already knowing the answer she was going to give but wanting to make a point.

"Nineteen," she spoke a little bit louder.

Kohl let out a humorless chuckle and shook his head. "You know that's the damn problem with you kids nowadays. No responsibility, no regard for the rules. Then something like this happens and you wanna go blame everyone else."

"I'm not blaming anyone else, just the man that touched me without consent."

"Yeah so you said... But you don't know if you told him if he could touch you or not. Not to mention the way you're dressed, the fact you were drunk...You don't think you share any sort of responsibility in this?"

Olivia closed her eyes as tears leaked out behind her lids and she quickly wiped away.

Kohl sighed and shook his head. "You know this is a Roman Catholic affiliated school right? You could get suspended for underage drinking, dressing like that, going to a party, going upstairs with a guy... Not to mention you assaulting another student on school grounds. Do you realize you could get kicked out of the school for telling me what you did?"

"Why am I the one in trouble here?!" she cried as more tears streamed down her face. "I didn't do anything! He RAPED me!"

"What the hell do you expect when you wave a steak in front of a dog! And you said yourself you don't know what happened, for all he knows you got up to the room, drank that bottle of vodka and you two screwed until the cows came home. Now look..." Kohl opened the two vanilla folders in front of him containing the school records of both Olivia and Taylor. "He's three months away from graduation, he makes straight As, he's on the soccer team... You really wanna ruin the life of a good kid that just made a mistake?"

Olivia was now shaking. She wanted to scream, she wanted to sob, she wanted to throw something, she wanted to do SOMETHING to make him understand.

"What about my life?" she asked with a trembling voice. "Why does he get a free pass after ruining mine?"

"Your life was not ruined by sex," said Kohl with a trace of annoyance. He picked up her file and read through it. "But it could be if you make a mistake like this again... Presidents List, mother is a professor at our sister school, pledged to a sorority... You seem like a good kid, Olivia. Which is why I'm not gonna suspend you for what you did and we're gonna forget you ever came in here."

More tears streamed down her face as he stood up and walked over to the office door and opening it, signifying that the conversation was over. Olivia got up from her chair with her head bowed and tears falling.

"Maybe dress a little bit more presentable, stay away from the booze, the parties..." Kohl told her as she walked past him. "That way we don't have to have this conversation again." Without waiting for a reply he shut the door behind her.

Olivia felt more ashamed then she ever thought she could feel...

 **PRESENT DAY**

"Lieutenant? Lieutenant, you okay?"

Olivia was trembling. She wanted to close her eyes, pretend it was all a nightmare but she couldn't take her eyes off of him.

Apart from the scar on his face he was fairly good looking for an older man. His hair had the lightest kiss of gray and was slicked back and it was obvious he kept in shape.

Amanda looked between the two of them. "Do... do you two know each other?"

He sneered at Olivia for a moment before he turned to Amanda with a far more gentler and kinder smile.

"We do actually, we were in college at the same time." His voice was soft and sweet, like he was simply telling the younger blonde that he and Olivia had been buddies in school. The same trusting voice that made Olivia not run in the other direction when he told her he couldn't hear her at the party.

He couldn't hear. The hearing aid.

Olivia forced herself out of the fog to look at him more carefully.

"There's no hearing aids," she muttered just loud enough to get both of their attention.

"Sorry what, Lieutenant?" asked Amanda.

The brunette looked up at her rapist, her hands shaking. "Wheres your hearing aid?" she asked louder this time.

Another sly grin. "Never needed hearing aids, Liv... I think you might have me confused with someone else."

Her stomach turned into a slab of cement. He didn't need the hearing aid he wore that night, she realized. It was just a prop to lure her up to the bedroom.

Amanda once again looked between the two officers. She had seen Olivia like this once; when she was on the stand and Lewis was questioning her. The brunette woman was obviously frightened at something and she was trying her best not to show it.

"Lieutenant, you sure you're alright?" asked Amanda again.

Olivia shook her head and took a deep breath that did nothing for her shattered nerves before she turned to the younger blonde who was stunned to see wetness in her commanders eyes. "I'm fine, Rollins. Can you give us a minute please?"

"I think that would be best," Taylor added with his snake oil voice. "Amanda, sweetie, can you do me a favor and go get me some office supplies out of the supply closet and bring them to my office?"

All at once it was like something burst from inside Olivia, the same fire that roared through her when she saw Sister Nina hold Noah surged through her now.

"No, she's not doing anything you say," Olivia told him in no uncertain terms. "You can get your own office supplies."

A sliver of a smile shined through. "I'm asking her for a favor."

"She's not doing a damn thing for you, she is in MY squad, she doesn't take orders from you."

"She's a detective in MY precinct and once again, Lieutenant, it wasn't an order..."

Amanda stood by awkwardly listening to the two officers for a moment before she cleared her throat. "Lieutenant, I really don't have a problem with getting him some supplies."

"There, ya see? Big deal out of nothing. Thank you, sweetie."

"She isn't your Goddamn 'sweetie'!" Olivia barked.

With that Amanda slunk out of the break room, not really wanting to catch her Lieutenants wrath when she mentioned she didn't mind a man who looked like their new Captain called her a pet name. When Taylor noticed Amanda left he turned to Olivia and chuckled at the angry look on his former victims face. "Come on, Liv... You can't tell me you're still upset after what happened? It was what, thirty years ago?"

"Thirty two," she corrected. "September 27h, 1985, Friday night, you took me up to that bedroom right around 12:30 at night..."

"Wow... Ya know it's funny that you can remember all that but you can't remember what happened after we had sex."

"You..." Olivia glanced around to make sure none of her detectives were close by before she turned back to him. "You raped me."

"We had sex."

"You drugged me, you touched my body without consent, you put your penis inside of me without my permission... That is rape."

Taylor shrugged and crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm a rapist? That's what you're telling me?"

"That's exactly what I'm telling you."

"That's odd because I was never arrested. I was never questioned. I'm not on any registry and, as you pointed out, it's been thirty three years. Statues of limitations ran out a long time ago, Liv."

"That doesn't change who or what you are."

Another snake oil smile. "Look, Olivia... Isn't it time you let go of the past? I've gotten over our little incident." She stood her ground as he took a step closer to her, grinning when he saw just how much hate and anger she held in her eyes for him. "Isn't it time you did the same?"

She had no response and just glared as he walked out of the break room. The second he was out of her sight she let out a cry and had to hold onto a chair to keep from collapsing onto the ground. Tears filled her eyes that she desperately wanted to spill but instead she just sniffed and wiped them away.

How could this have happened? She thought she was over this, she thought she moved on... She hadn't thought about what he did to her in years... Granted that last bit was in part to other more heinous monsters taking his place of her nightmares but he was nothing more then a horrible memory in the way back of her mind.

But now here he was in her life again. Not only that but he would be commanding her and her squad, and she would rather die then have him anywhere near Rollins. That poor woman had been though enough, Olivia wasn't going to let Taylor hurt her too...

Slowly she stood up and headed into the rest room to splash some cold water on her face before she made her way out into the bullpen just in time to see Amanda carry a box of office supplies to Olivia former office. The Lieutenant shook her head as she walked over to her and stood in front of her.

"Hand that box off to Carisi or Fin."

"Lieutenant, I really don't mind do-."

"I know you don't mind but I mind," Olivia interrupted. "He isn't going to treat you like the office secretary. You're not his lackey, you're MY detective, Rollins, and I am telling you, you're not to do another thing like this for him, is that clear?"

Without waiting for a reply she took the box from Amanda's hands and set it down rather loudly on the desk.

"He wants it so bad he can come get it himself," Olivia snapped at her before she grabbed her purse and stormed out of the precinct.

Amanda stared after her for a moment in confusion before someone cleared their throat behind her. She turned and saw Taylor with an apologetic smile. "I didn't mean to make her cross with you, Amanda."

"No it's fine, me and the lieutenant..." she trailed off, not really wanting to talk smack on her old boss to her new one.

"You and Olivia what?" Taylor pressed but in a way that made Amanda feel she didn't have to tell him.

"Nothing it's just... Me and her have always had some issues."

"Well... surely you can understand why?" When Amanda looked at him confused he continued. "She's worked here what, eighteen, almost twenty years? You've worked here..."

"Six," she answered.

"How many other female detectives, much less, forgive me for being a tad inappropriate, attractive young thin blonde female detectives has she had to work with before you came along? She's probably been jealous of you since the moment you walked through that door and the attention from her male colleagues turned from her to you."

Amanda let his words sink in for a moment and she couldn't help but laugh. "Olivia? Olivia Benson? Jealous of me? Oh Captain, bless your heart."

Taylor chuckled as he grabbed the box from the desk. "My grandmother grew up in Kentucky, I know what 'bless your heart' really means. But yes, she's jealous of you."

Amanda followed him into his office with a grin. "You're insane. What do I have that she would be jealous over? She's gorgeous."

"Oh don't get me wrong, your lieutenant is beautiful but blonde hair, blue eyes, fair skin, thin... You take that and compare it to brown hair, darker complexion, brown eyes, heavier then a cop should be, middle aged... You really think your looks and the attention you get aren't something she probably craves?"

Amanda's smile fell as he just gave her a quick smile and began to pull the contents out of the box. Someone had actually called her more beautiful than Olivia, and not just that but she insinuated that the brunette woman actually wanted to look like her when for years Amanda just assumed it was the other way around...

The blonde cleared her throat and shook her head. She didn't want to spend the better part of the afternoon badmouthing her lieutenants physical appearance.

"So," Amanda began, "you said you were acquaintances in college? What was she like back then?"

"To be honest, Amanda, we were a little bit more then acquaintances. We had a thing for a while."

Amanda's eyes went wide with this new information. "Wait you and her dated... and now you're her boss? Oh this'll be fun."

Taylor chuckled and clicked his tongue. "You're telling me. She took it kind of hard when we broke up, poor thing. Wouldn't even come out of her room for a week. She's actually the one who gave me this," he said pointing to the scar on his face. "I broke up with her, she got mad and punched me with her class ring on... sixteen stitches."

"Oh wow... I mean that... that doesn't really sound like her though."

"We all react strongly when our first loves don't pan out but after that she just always resented me for breaking her heart. I mean obviously she seems to be doing fine now, she has a hundred photos of what I'm assuming is her son on her desk, she was willing to lose her job over her current boyfriend... But yes, I think unfortunately the sting of a broken heart doesn't ever quite go away. Actually, Amanda, could you just.. could you do me a favor?"

"Of course, Captain."

"Could you just keep an eye out on her for me? Just let me know how she's doing with me being here, if she says anything about me... Just so I can get ahead of something if it starts."

"...You want me to spy on the Lieutenant?"

"Not spy just... observe. For her benefit. Could you do that for me, Amanda?" he asked, his honey brown eyes as soft and sweet and tender as he could make them.

Amanda felt herself melt at the look the Captain was giving her and nodded. "Sure," she told him, unable to look away from those warm eyes. "Anything you want."

He smiled at her. "Thank you."

Amanda turned to leave the office when he pulled something out that caught her eye; a red Solo cup.

"You carry around a plastic cup with you?" she asked with a hint of amusement.

Taylor chuckled and nodded,turning it around in his hands. "I will have you know that Eli Manning drank one of many Budweiser beers from this cup. I'll tell you what, you wanna talk about an athlete who can party..."

"You have a cup that some football player drank out of at a house party?"

"What can I say, I'm a collector."

Amanda just chuckled and shook her head before she left the office.

Taylor spun the cup in his hand before he set it prominently in front of his desk.

He lied. It had never once been filled beer nor had it been drank out of by a NFL player but instead had been filled with diet coke and rohypnol and had been drank by none other than Lieutenant Olivia Margaret Benson...

 **Please Review**


	3. Chapter 3

I own no one but my own people

 **1985**

Olivia sat in the uncomfortable waiting room chair, her arms wrapped around her body and looking down at the tiled floor.

God she hated hospitals. The smell, the look of them, the sense that you couldn't speak above a whisper because someone near you was dealing with something tragic and life changing...

She had been to a hospital three times in her life. Once to visit her mother who on the 7th anniversary of her attack drank so much that she got alcohol poisoning and had to have her stomach pumped, once when an incredibly irate Serena had tossed her thirteen year old daughter down a flight of steps and broke her arm when Olivia had decided to just pour all the alcohol in the house down the drain thinking that would stop her mother from drinking, and then when she was 15 and twisted her ankle running from Serena who had been on another drinking binge and Olivia saw her mother grab a knife and took a few step towards her...

That was why she was in a hospital waiting room at 8 PM on a Saturday night. She couldn't put someone though what her mother had done to her, she didn't want her child to grow up knowing it was hated, she didn't want to be reminded of the worst night of her life every time she looked at the person she was supposed to love and care for unconditionally.

She didn't want Ben Taylor to be the father of her baby...

"Olivia Benson," an older female nurse with a clipboard called her name.

Olivia stood up and followed the nurse into an examination room where she sat down on the paper covered examination bed after the nurse took her height and weight.

"So you didn't put a lot of details down on your entry form," the nurse noted as she grabbed a blood pressure cuff out of a supply drawer. "You just said you needed the Plan B pill."

The young brunette nodded, sitting on her hands to try to hide the unmistakable bruises on her wrist.

"Are you on any birth control at the moment?"

A shake of her head and a note in her chart.

"Okay and when was the last time you-, I need to see your arm, sweetie, when was the last time you had sex?"

Olivia closed her eyes before she shook her head again, struggling against the tears that threatened to fall.

"No you won't give me your arm or no you won't tell me when you last had sex?"

Olivia cringed at the word 'sex'. What had happened to her, what Taylor did to her, that wasn't sex. Sex was fun and felt good and amazing... Sex was something she had willingly chosen to do with multiple boys since she had turned fifteen.

Sex didn't make her feel ashamed and scared and embarrassed and humiliated and a whole other host of emotions she couldn't fit into words.

Sex wasn't what had conceived her and it wasn't what she had last night.

The nurse waited patiently for a moment before she spoke again. "I need to know if in the last few days you had s-."

"Last night," Olivia interrupted. "Around midnight I had... it was last night. Before that it was a month and a half ago."

The nurse looked at her for a moment before she continued, carefully watching her face when she asked the next question. "Did he use protection?"

The nurses face fell when Olivia took a shaky breath and answered in a tear filled confession.

"I don't know..."

The nurse put her clipboard and blood pressure cuff down on the desk beside her, and placed her hands on her lap.

"Please let me see your arms, Olivia," she asked in a voice that made Olivia want to run out.

She knew that voice. That same 'poor you' tone that people who found out about her mother spoke to her in and Olivia hated it more than anything in the world.

"Please let me see your arms," the nurse asked once more in that same pitiful tone.

Slowly Olivia held her arms out for the nurse to see, letting out a sob as she looked down at the thick black and blue marks on her wrists.

The nurses face fell as she looked over her patients arms. She reached out to examine them but Olivia pulled her hand back like she had been burnt before the nurse could touch her.

The older woman swallowed hard and gave Olivia a sad smile before she stood up from her chair.

"I'll be right back," she announced before she left the room, shutting the door behind her.

Olivia once again hid her hands as best she could , wiping the tears from her eyes as she waited for the nurse to return.

Minutes later the nurse walked back in alongside a young female doctor who shut the door gently behind them.

"Hi, Olivia, my name is Doctor Banner," the doctor said with a gentle comforting smile as she took a seat where the nurse had been sitting a minute ago. "How are you feeling?"

Olivia wanted to laugh. Was she seriously asking her that?

Instead she just shrugged, not offering up anymore than that for an answer.

"The nurse said you have some bruises on your wrist," Banner continued. "You mind showing me?"

The teenager closed her eyes and slowly like before pulled her arms out and held them out for the doctor to see.

Banner looked at them for a moment before she faced Olivia. "Do you have any other bruises?"

Olivia swallowed hard before she pulled down her shirt just enough for the doctor to see the bruises and bite marks on her breast before she lifted up her shirt to show the ones on her stomach.

"There's also some on my, on my legs," Olivia muttered, not wanting to lift up her skirt to show them.

Even the pity smile had disappeared.

"Olivia," Banner began, even softer than before. "Were you raped?"

Olivia closed her eyes again as tears leaked out and she nodded, unable to say the actual words.

The doctor, even after already coming to that conclusion when the nurse told her about her behavior as well as the bruises on her patient, felt her heart break for the young girl sitting nervous and embarrassed in front of her.

"Have you told the police?"

A shake of the head.

"Why not?"

"They won't believe me," Olivia muttered just loud enough for the doctor to hear.

"Sweetie, yes they will," the doctor prompted. "If you tell them the truth-."

"The truth won't matter... I- I was drinking, I don't remember what happened, I was dressed like a slut... I let this happened.."

"It doesn't matter what you were doing or what you were wearing," Banner told her in no uncertain terms. "You didn't 'let' anything happen, Olivia, you could walk around naked and it wouldn't excuse rape. The fact you got black out drunk doesn't excuse anything either."

"I just... I've drank this much before and never had an issue. Last year I pledged to a sorority and I drank five times what I had last night and I remembered everything."

"Did you ever leave your drink unattended."

Olivia shook her head.

"Did anyone else pour you a drink?"

"Yeah but I watched everyone who poured-..." Her face fell and a look of horror came over it. "...The Diet Coke," she muttered.

Banner waited patiently for Olivia to explain. "He... he turned his back to me when he poured me a soda but since it wasn't alcohol I figured it was safe... Five minutes later I blacked out but I thought it was just the shots hitting me..."

"You were probably drugged, Olivia. That would explain the memory loss, the sudden blackout... When we draw blood during your rape kit, we can-."

"My _what_?"

"A rape kit. Its a medical exam to collect evidence from rape victims; hair, fluids, any skin cells, document bruising... Have you showered since it happened?"

"What? No and I don't want any kits done, I just want that pill you give... people who've been hurt so they don't get pregnant."

"Emergency Contraception?"

"Yes."

Banner sighed softly, trying not to show her disappointment. "Olivia, I know you feel like you don't want to tell the cops now but if you change your mind this is a way for us to document the assault and if there's any serious injury it can give us a chance to find it..."

"I don't care about documenting anything, I just want the pill."

"It'll make me feel so much better if you get this done, that way if you change your mind about reporting-."

"Are you kidding me right now?" Olivia snapped, quickly getting off the table and glaring harshly at the doctor. "Sorry you feel so bad but I'm not letting you poke and prod at me just to make YOU feel better! Sorry but you're just gonna have to feel like shit right along side with me."

Olivia pushed past her roughly and stormed towards the door.

"Stop! Stop, I'm sorry!" the Doctor told her quickly before she left the room. Olivia paused with her hand on the door handle. "I shouldn't have said that, it was wrong of me. I'll write you a prescription okay?"

Olivia turned back around and watched as the doctor hastily wrote the prescription on her prescription pad.

"Take two pills with food as soon as you can," Banner explained. "Your next period might be heavier than usual, you might feel extra emotional, it's perfectly normal, it's just the pills messing with your hormones."

She tore the paper off the pad and handed it to Olivia. "Good luck, Olivia. Remember, even after you shower you can change your mind to come back and have the exam done."

Olivia just rolled her eyes, snatched the paper out of the doctors hand and stormed off.

 **PRESENT DAY**

"I want him gone."

Chief Dodds rubbed his temple as he watched the woman in front of him pace his office for the second time today.

"I told you before, Lieutenant, he was the only one available for the job."

"Your son; put him back in charge," Olivia all but ordered. "I have no problems following Mikes command."

"I'm not letting a Sergeant run NYCs biggest Sex Crimes department when a fully capable Captain is willing and available."

"Fine then I quit."

"You're not quitting."

"Wanna bet?"

Dodds sighed and leaned back in his office chair. "I like you, Lieutenant, but you're the biggest pain in my ass sometimes... Look, just try too get along with him until 1PP clears-."

"Fuck 1PP!" Olivia shouted. "How many times do I have to make it clear that I am NOT working with him!"

"You need to watch your tone, Lieutenant!" Dodds yelled "I don't know where the hell you get off thinking that you can just barge in here doing and saying whatever the hell you want but it ends NOW, do you understand me?"

Dodds eyes went wide with shock as he watched her wipe away angry frustrated tears. Never once had he seen her this emotional over anything. Even when her son was sick and he refused to budge regarding the Holden March case she had never actually yelled at him much less shed tears in front of her boss.

Olivia seemed to realize what she had done as well and she forced herself to take a deep breath to try to calm down.

"I-... I'm sorry, Chief, you're right," she said, her voice stuffy with unfallen tears. "I shouldn't have lost my temper like that. But I cannot work with him. I'm even willing to be suspended or transferred until you get another officer in charge but please do not make me work with him."

"I'm not transferring you," Dodds told her far calmer although his eyes were still held annoyance and anger at her for disrespecting him like that. "One day, if you actually start showing some respect and listening to your higher ups, you're gonna be sitting in this seat commanding every SVU in the city and too many transfers or suspensions can look bad for you."

Dodds sighed as he stood up from his desk and walked around to face her. "Look, Lieutenant... I know what you must be thinking, that this'll ruin your reputation, that this somehow means you aren't a good leader, that you aren't a good officer but him being there doesn't prove any of that. I know you're a good commander, your squad knows you're a good commander... This is just a temporary setback and in a few months, you'll have your old job back alright?"

Olivia bit the inside of her cheek to keep from lashing out again, from telling him that her reputation had nothing to do with her not wanting to work with him.

Dodds took her silence as agreement and walked over to the door and opened it for her. "Take the rest of the day off. Go home, cool down, go into work tomorrow willing to work with this guy and do what you do best alright?"

Olivia just shook her head before she walked out of the office.

The SVU Lieutenant took her bosses advice and, after calling Mike to let him know she was gone for the rest of the day, headed home.

She couldn't help the smile that appeared when she approached her door and heard the sounds of her boyfriend and son playing and laughing together inside.

"Hey, my sweet boy!" she greeted her son as she walked inside. "Mommys home!"

"Mommy!" Noah, who wasn't used to his mother being home before dinner, cried happily and ran towards her. She picked him up and hugged him as tight as she could.

"I heard about the new commander," said Tucker as he stood up from the ground where he and Noah had been playing and walked over to her. "I'm sorry."

He gave her a quick kiss on the lips before putting his hands on her waist and brought her closer. "When they told me I went down to 1PP and tried to get them to change their mind but they already made up their minds."

A soft smile appeared on her lips. "You fought for me to keep my job?"

Tucker looked at her like she was insane. "Of course I did. Especially after they told me I still had my command."

Olivia shook her head at the news. "Of course... A man can be objectionable and lead no problem, you're a woman though and you need to prove the relationship won't interfere with your work."

"I really am sorry, Liv. But from what I heard it's temporary, 3-4 months at most."

"Great," she muttered as she set Noah down and headed for the kitchen shaking her head in disgust.

Tucker followed her into the kitchen and watched as she got out the biggest wine glass they had and poured herself a drink up to the very brim.

He watched her drink almost half the glass in one go before she uncorked the wine and filled it back up to the brim again.

"Is the guy replacing you a decent cop at least?"

Olivia paused, her lips almost touching the wineglass. She never told any of her boyfriends what happened, Tucker included. The only people who knew what happened with Sealview was Fin and Lewis... if she could have kept that locked up secret forever then she would have.

But all Brian knew was what Liv told him, the absolute bare minimum, and Tucker knew everything about it only because he had been in charge of her case.

But what Taylor did to her? She intended to take that to the grave...

Olivia took a long sip from her glass before she answered her boyfriends question. "No."

"No? Who is it, maybe I heard of him?"

"Ben Taylor." The words were sour on her lips. "Captain out of White Collar ."

"Ben Taylor... Ben Taylor... Yeah I ran into him a few times," Tucker admitted. "Mainly at police charity events but a few times when I was dealing with one of his officers. From what I remember he's a good commander, straight shooter, good guy, he- wow."

When the man she loved described her rapist as a 'good guy' it was too much for her to handle and she had downed the rest of her wine, glaring at him over the glass.

"Don't ever call him a 'good guy' again," she ordered when she was finished. "Not around me."

"Okay I wont but... Liv, are you okay?"

"No."

She started pouring herself another glass of wine and Tucker eyed it with uncertainty, the same look in his eyes when she ordered another wine the night they both were reinstated.

"Liv, why don't you slow down? You just got home, you're already on your third glass-."

"Or how about you don't tell me what to do in my own apartment?"

Tuckers face fell as Olivia sighed and ran a hand through her hair.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

Tucker said nothing in response but didn't stop her when she walked from behind the kitchen island and hugged him before laying her head on his broad chest.

"It's been a very long day," she said, her voice choked up with emotion.

The IAB Agent wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. "I know," he muttered into her hair. "You just gotta remember its just temporary though, Liv. He's gonna be gone before you know it."

Olivia closed her eyes as tears leaked out, wetting the front of his shirt. She wanted to scream from the Heavens that this wasn't about her command, it wasn't about her job or her reputation... She would gladly give them all up if it meant never seeing or hearing from him again.

"Mommy?" Noah's sweet voice rang out as he tugged on her pant leg.

Olivia snuggled closer to Tucker for a moment before she looked down at her son.

"What do you need, my love?"

"You will play trains?"

A teary smile broke out on her face before she sniffed and nodded. "Of course."

Noah broke out in a toothy smile before he ran back into the living room and grabbed his beloved Thomas the Tank Engine trains and the wooden tracks it rolled on out of his toybox.

Olivia looked up at Tucker, amazed to realize just how much warmth and kindness and depth were in those striking blue eyes.

Taylor... His eyes had held warmth and caring as well but it was a facade. He had just pretended to be everything the man standing in her kitchen right now was just to hurt her.

"I love you," she told him, unwilling to turn away from him.

A genuine real smile, one reserved only for her, made its way onto his lips. "I love you too, Liv."

The couple exchanged a short lived kiss, interrupted by Noah shouting for Liv to come play with him.

They chuckled before they both headed into the living room to play with the young boy.

 **Please Review**


	4. Chapter 4

I own no one

 **1985**

"Where the hell were you?"

Olivia was greeted by Becca's irate tone as she walked into her bedroom, far after everyone else in the house had gone to bed. She jumped and quickly turned on the light exposing Becca sitting on her bed crossing her arms with an angry look on her face.

"You almost gave me a heart attack!" Olivia sniped as she threw her purse on her desk.

After the ER Olivia went to get food to eat with her pills like the doctor instructed. After that she had stayed curled up in the booth for a long while not eating, not talking to anyone, just sitting there with a silent stream of tears running down her face, not ready to face any questions from her sorority sister about her strange behavior earlier so she she was sure they had gone to bed.

Apparently she should have waited longer...

"Yeah well YOU gave ME a heart attack for tearing off your shirt and running out of the house earlier," Becca argued. "Cassie said she saw you walk into the security office and then you don't show up until two AM..."

Olivia rolled her eyes as she went over to her dresser and grabbed her shower caddy. "Cassie needs to mind her own business." She turned to look at Becca who was still sitting on her bed. "So do you for that matter."

"...Wow so that wasn't bitchy at all..."

"Funny because it was meant to be," said Olivia as she went into her closet and grabbed her shower shoes.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Becca snapped, half in anger half in bewilderment. This wasn't Olivia. This wasn't Olivia at all. Even as a pledge she would be the girl the older sisters went to to talk about whatever they wanted. She had this natural ability where you just wanted to open up to her about anything from school issues to boy trouble to more serious things you might not have told anyone else and she would happily sit and listen and offer advice and do whatever she could to help the other members of her sorority.

"Nothing okay, I'm fine," she lied as she grabbed her towel. "Just leave me alone."

Becca stood up from the bed and stood in front of the door. "Tell me whats going on and tell me now."

"Get out of the way, Becca, I need to go shower."

"No."

"...Yes."

"No! Okay you're acting REALLY weird, tell me whats going on."

"Its none of your business!" Olivia barked at her feeling her temper flare up.

Ever since she discovered the bruises she had felt him touching her, clawing at her, felt his lips on her... She needed to wash his touch off her, his kisses his... Everything. All she wanted to do was scrub what felt like a second foreign skin on her and her so called friend was refusing her this one thing.

Olivia was so sick of people telling her what to do.

"Tell me what is going on, Olivia!" Becca demanded.

"No, now move!"

Olivia tried to side step her but Becca grabbed a hold of her bruised wrist and pulled her back.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Olivia screamed, wrenching her hand away and tripping over her dresser as she backed up as quick as she could, crashing to the floor along with the stuff in her shower caddy.

Becca stood in the doorway, her eyes wide at what had just happened.

"Liv?" Becca began as gentle as she could, placing a gentle hand on Olivia's shoulder to try to comfort her.

"Don't!" Olivia yelled, slapping the well meaning hand away.

Becca felt tears well in her eyes as Olivia quickly scrambled to her feet before grabbing the purse she had thrown on top of the dresser and stormed out of the room, down the stairs and out of the house with a loud slam of the door to signal that she had left the place she had called home for the past year.

...

Olivia felt her heart slam against her chest as she rode the familiar elevator to the third floor. She hadn't even stepped foot on this block since she had her friend drop her off at Sienna a year ago. She felt her heart beat wildly against her chest, her breathing was nothing but a nervous pant..

She didn't want to do this. She told herself she would rather die then come back here after she left yet here she was, back in the building that from the outside no one would have ever suspected the violence that happened behind closed doors.

But Olivia had to see her. Right now she was the only person in the world who would know what to do, who knew exactly what she was feeling...

The elevator gave out a gentle ding as the doors slid open and Olivia stepped out. She could barely walk she was shaking so bad as she headed towards the familiar door. Stopping in front of it Olivia stared at it for a long minute before, her hand trembling to the point she had difficulty even moving it, she raised and knocked.

The second she did she wanted nothing more then to bolt down the hallway, down the stairs and forget this whole idea. Seconds passed and the urge to run was stronger than any other feeling but she forced herself to stay where she was.

Several more moments passed and Olivia had just decided to turn back and go crash on one of her friends couch instead the locks from inside untumbled and the door opened.

"Olivia?"Serena Lola Benson, the person she both hated more than life and loved more than anyone else, said with a slur in her words, swaying as she spoke. "What are you doing here?

 _Of course_ Olivia thought bitterly. _Saturday night. Why wouldn't she be drinking?_

This was a mistake.

Nerves failed her and she wrang her hands as she tried to stammer out to her mother that this was a mistake, that she hadn't mean to come.

Serena's bloodshot eyes glanced down and she saw her daughters hands fidgeting and she saw it.

"Olivia," Serena's voice spoke, quickly silencing the teenager. "Where did you get that bruise?"

She glanced down and noticed her hands were in full sight and she quickly tried to hide them behind her back but it was too late.

Serena grabbed Olivia's hand and yanked it from behind and looked at the bruise for a long moment, her face morphing into one of horror. The same markings that were now on Olivia's wrist were the same ones she were given to her that unforgivable night almost twenty years ago...

"Don't!" Olivia cried as tears filled her eyes.

"Olivia..." Serena began, her usually stern voice shaking like a leaf, tearing her eyes away from the bruise to look in her child's dark colored eyes so unlike her own light green ones. "Tell me what happened to you and tell me now."

The teenager lasted all of half a second before she broke down and an ugly sob escaped her lips. Without warning Olivia threw her arms around Serena's neck and sobbed into her shoulder.

Serena held her daughter as close as she could, her own tears escaping her eyes as she slowly stroked her thick dark brown curls, a universe away from the dirty blonde hair of her mothers.

"It's alright, Olivia," Serena whispered softly as Olivia's sobs rocked both of then. " I'm right here, My Love... I'm right here..."

 **PRESENT DAY**

"Come on, My Love," Olivia prompted as she and Noah sat on the couch while she read to him. "Say, 'Jack and Jane played ball'."

"Play ball."

"No, Sweetie... Jack. And. Jane. Played. Ball."

"Play ball."

As Olivia played trains with the young toddler, Tucker took the liberty to make dinner for the small family. Then afterwards, and two more glasses of wine under her belt, she gave him a bath and now the two of them were on the couch while she read to him and attempted to get him to work on some of his speech issues.

Olivia sighed as she rubbed her temples, already feeling a monster of a headache coming on. This day had turned into one big nightmare after another.

Noah was smart. Olivia knew that for a fact. He knew his colors and shapes, he could point out various objects, he understood was what read and said to him… Sure when she had gotten him it had taken her some time to catch him up on his milestones but eventually he had hit every single one and he was entirely on par with the rest of his age group, even excelling in some areas.

Except for his language skills. It had taken him twice as long to say his first word as other children and now it seemed like he was mixing up his words or forgetting them entirely, no matter how much Olivia spoke or sang or read to him.

At first she thought it was cute but now she wanted nothing more than for him to be caught up.

Tucker glanced over from where he was doing the dishes to watch them for a moment. Olivia never lost her patience with Noah, especially not when it came to the way he spoke. She would usually work calmly with him for twenty or so minutes at night before she read him a story without Noah having to participate in the reading.

Tonight though the lessons had gone on not even ten and she was showing signs of frustration.

"Come on, baby," Olivia said, struggling to not let her impatience show. "Just like Mommy; 'Jack and Jill played ball'," she repeated, slowly enunciating and pointing to every word in the book so he could understand it.

"Play ball."

She was done.

Olivia threw the book on the floor hard, the thin paperback ripping as it hit the edge of the coffee table.

Noah pouted as he looked up at Olivia. "Ripped book."

Tucker quickly abandoned his spot in front of the sink and came over to them, stunned to find Olivia with her face in her hands.

"Come on, little guy," he told Noah without taking his eyes off of Olivia. "I'll read you a story and tuck you in okay?"

Olivia shook her head as Tucker went to reach for the toddler and held him closer. "No. He still has ten more minutes of speech work to do."

"Let me put him to bed, Liv" Tucker told her gently, watching as she took another sip of the wine in front of her. "I'm sure you'll do better if you just get some rest, he had a long day..."

"He has another preschool interview in four days, I have to get him ready."

"Liv, he's tired, he-."

"Stop trying to tell me what to do with my son!" she barked at Tucker, glaring up at him. Once again Tuckers voice faltered as Olivia closed her eyes and shook her head.

"The books ripped," she announced to no one in particular. "I'll buy him a new one tomorrow."

She started to stand up with Noah in her arms, an almost unnoticeable sway in her steps.

The IAB Agent swallowed hard, knowing his next words would probably get him yelled at again. "Want me to get him?"

"I'm fine," Olivia insisted, but as she took her first few steps away form the couch she stumbled and would have fallen face first, with Noah hitting his head on the rather sharp corner of the glass coffee table to boot, if Tucker didn't grab onto her arm and somehow manage to wrap his other arm around her waist and keep both her and Noah from falling.

Olivia's eyes went wide with shock and horror as she stared up at him as the realization dawned on her just how close she came to Noah getting seriously hurt.

It would have been because of her. Because she had been drinking...

"Ed," she whispered just loud enough for herself to hear. "Noah.."

"It's alright," he told her, his usually gruff voice as soft as he could make it as he steadied her on her feet and took Noah from her, this time without an argument. "Noah's fine, he's not hurt. He's okay."

That reassurance didn't stop the tears from filling her eyes as Tucker led her by the arm to sit back on the couch.

"I'm gonna go put him to bed," Tucker told her, this time without leaving room for an argument. "Then I wanna talk about this when I get back..."

Olivia nodded, kissing the small toddler on the forehead. "I love you, Noah," she whispered to the young boy. "So much..."

"Too love you, Mommy," Noah answered back before Tucker took the boy into his bedroom.

Olivia sat on the couch shuddering. She can't believe she did that. She could have hurt him... She could have hurt him so bad because she had been drinking...

How could she do that to him?

She wanted to take another drink. She wanted to down the entire bottle until she forgot what Ben Taylor did to her, the fact that she almost hurt her son, the fact that for however long 'temporary' was is how long she would have to watch him boss around her and her detectives, those smiles that he and Rollins exchanged...

She wanted to drink until she forgot everything. But she wouldn't. Because she wouldn't turn into her... Noah had been the one to save her from her drinking after Lewis. She had gone down a wine soaked rabbit hole that she didn't know how to crawl out of until she watched that little boy sleep peacefully in her apartment. She poured every last bottle down the drain that night.

Then when Joe Utley happened she had fallen again, but this time Tucker was there to save her before she fell into too deep again.

She curled her legs up underneath her and listened as Tucker told Noah a bedtime story and kissed him goodnight.

He walked out of the room and sat down next to Olivia, leaning forward and putting his hands together.

"I know... that you're upset," Tucker began, unable to look at his girlfriend as he confronted her. "But Liv, drinking to the point of almost hurting him-."

"I know," she interrupted. "I know, I should have just given him to you..."

"Not just that but... babe, you gotta stop relying on alcohol when things go wrong."

Olivia looked over at him but didn't say anything. "With your... your parents history, it's not a good idea for you to turn to a wine bottle whenever you get upset, especially about your job."

"It's not just the job," she argued. "It's..."

"What?" Tucker asked gently. "What is it?"

Olivia bit her lip for a moment before she shook her head. "Nothing. It's nothing. You're right, I need to lay off the wine."

Tucker look unsatisfied with her answer but nevertheless stayed quiet as she grabbed her half full glass and went to the sink, hesitating a moment before she dumped it out. He got off the couch and walked over to her, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her in closer, gently swaying her.

"I love you, Olivia Margaret Benson," he told her with every bit of sincerity he possessed. "And I love your son. I don't wanna see either of you hurt."

"I love you too," she told him with a soft smile before she hugged him, her face falling the second her arms were around him.

God she wanted a drink...

…

Barba walked into the precinct with one hand in his pocket and the other hand carrying his briefcase.

Like most times when he wasn't here on official business he bypassed the rest of the Detectives and headed straight for Olivia's office.

With the exception of one...

Carisi was bent over his desk working diligently on paperwork and Barba went over to him, leaning over his shoulder and looking like he was reading what Carisi was working on.

"Still coming over tonight?" Barisi muttered, barely loud enough for the detective to hear.

A smile tugged on the corners of the detectives lips and he nodded, not looking up from his paperwork. "Want me to pick up Chinese before I come over?" asked Carisi, still appearing like he was working on the file in front of him.

"No I'm good. Besides..." Barba sat on the edge of the detectives desk, glancing around quickly before he answered. "I'm in the mood for Italian tonight..."

Not giving the detective a chance to respond Barba hopped off the desk and, with a light pat on the shoulder that any passer buyer would mistake for an innocent friendly touch before he headed into Olivia's office the same way he had done for the past 4 years, without knocking on the door.

"Hey, Liv, I got theater tickets for- you're not Liv."

Barba narrowed his eyes in confusion as he looked at the man sitting behind Olivia's desk who was talking to a smiling Rollins.

Taylor smiled sweetly at the ADA and cleared his throat. "No I'm not. I'm Captain Ben Taylor, I'm relieving Lieutenant Benson of her command temporarily."

Taylor stood up and offered his outstretched hand but the lawyer ignored him.

"Relieving her? Why? What happened, is she okay?" Barba demanded, feeling his heart jump into his throat. The last time someone outside the squad had relieved her William Lewis had broken out of prison and gone after his best friend.

"She's fine," Taylor assured him with a friendly smile. "1PP decided that they wanted to make sure the Lieutenant could be in a romantic relationship with Captain Tucker without it interfering in her command so they put me here as a temporary command, just until they can be sure there won't be any conflicts of interest.

"They already cleared her," Barba argued. "Why are they making her go through hoops again?"

Realizing the ADA wasn't going to take his hand anytime soon Taylor sat back down.

"To come back to SVU, yes, but not command the squad again. Look she's second in command, she's still working at SVU, it's only temporary... They just wanna make sure she can properly do her job."

"She can," Barba snapped.

"Barba, take it easy," Amanda told him. "It's not the Captains fault he got transferred here. Besides you were the one who turned her in to 1PP in the first place."

"It's alright, Amanda," said Taylor with a friendly smile towards the blonde before turning back to an irate Barba. "Look I'm sorry, Counselor... I understand you and Lieutenant Benson are very good friends, but getting upset with me for taking this opportunity isn't going to benefit anyone. We're going to be working together very closely for the next few months. Now," Taylor stood up again and stuck out his hand once more. "What do you say we start over?"

Barba just looked at the hand bordering on disgust for a moment before he turned and walked out.

 **Please Review**


	5. Chapter 5

I own no one but my own people

 **1985**

It was almost 4:30 when Olivia emerged from her mothers bathroom, her skin still red form a combination of the scolding hot water and violent scrubbing.

Serena waited until Olivia had calmed down before she asked if she showered since it happened and when Olivia shook her head, she all but ordered her daughter to shower for as long as she wanted.

The moment she peeled off all of her clothes and truly looked at herself, she wanted to just collapse onto the floor and cry until she had nothing left to cry. She realized her bruises weren't just limited to the hand marks on her breasts and stomachs but when she looked closer she realized her whole body it seemed like was littered in these tiny ugly marks where he pressed his fingers onto her.

And her thighs... her thighs had hand marks, giant round bruises from what she's assuming his knees where he pushed her legs apart, there were bruises in between her legs... they were everywhere.

As she scrubbed herself raw she started crying and trembling. Not for the physical pain of scalding hot water hitting bruised and broken skin but the fact that no matter how hard she scrubbed, no matter how harshly she ran a washcloth over her self, she just couldn't feel clean. She couldn't get HIM off of her.

Eventually she sank to the floor of the shower and pulled her knees to her chest, sobbing as the hot water rained down on her.

After an hour the water ran ice cold she gathered the strength to stand up, dried off, threw on her mothers robe that Serena lent her and walked out.

Her mother was sitting on the couch, a mug of coffee in front of her, here third one since she discovered Olivia outside of her door in an effort to sober her up.

"Did you tell the police?" asked Serena in an uncharacteristically calm voice as Olivia sat down in the arm chair closest to her.

The brunette shook her head no as she pulled her legs up underneath her. "I told... I told campus security but... I don't think they're gonna do anything."

Serena, flashing back to her own experience with the brash officer who took her statement, who treated her like she was the criminal instead of the victim, simply nodded, understanding what she was wordlessly implying.

"You want to tell me what happened?" she asked, again far kinder than Olivia could remember her speaking to her in recent years.

Another shake of the head as an answer.

"Why?"

"I... I don't want you to get mad at me," Olivia admitted, unable to look at her mother.

Serena was silent for a moment before she put her coffee down and leaned forward. "Olivia, look at me."

It took a moment but Olivia eventually shifted her gaze from the floor to Serena. "I won't get mad at you. I promise. Not over this..."

"It was my fault."

"No it wasn't," she barked, making Olivia flinch and shift her eyes to the floor. She may have been speaking harshly to defend her but nevertheless it still brought back memories of when her harsh voice was used to be cruel.

"Nothing excuses a man hurting you like the way you were hurt, do you understand me?"

Once again tears flooded her eyes as her mothers words reached her ears.

"Now tell me," Serena continued, leaving no room for argument. "What happened to you?"

There was a long moment of silence before Olivia finally spoke, still unable to look at her.

"I... I was at a party," she admitted shamefully but Serena said nothing in response. "I... I kinda... I had a few drinks, but I wasn't drunk I swear!" Olivia said quickly, afraid her mother would berate her for, what Olivia assumed, played at least some part in the fact she was attacked...

Serena held up her hand to silence her daughter. "I don't care rather you were drunk or not, Olivia. Just tell me what happened."

Olivia swallowed hard a d nodded, taking a deep breath before she continued.

"Me and my boyfriend got into a fight so I was about to leave when... when this guy, Ben, he..." Olivia bit her lips as a fresh wave of tears made their way down her face. "He acted so sweet and he was so nice... I thought I could trust him because he got me a soda instead of a drink but he must have put something in it because I don't remember anything that happened after that until I woke up the next morning... I was so sore, and when I got home I noticed all these bruises..."

Olivia swore she saw a flash of a jealously on her mothers face.

"You don't remember your assault?"

A shake of the head.

"You have no idea how incredibly lucky you are," Serena told her. "I'd give anything not to remember."

The teenager said nothing in response. It was true she didn't remember what happened but that meant that whenever she closed her eyes, a new nightmare would flash before her. She couldn't remember what he did so her mind made up the worst most painful perverse scenarios to fill in the gaps.

That didn't seem all that lucky to her...

Serena's eyes quickly flashed beneath the coffee table where Olivia knew her mother held at least one unopened bottle of vodka but instead she just took another sip of her coffee, her hands already starting to shake from a lack of alcohol.

"Did you go to the hospital?" Serena asked once she swallowed the now luke warm coffee.

"Yes. I didn't get the kit done though."

"If you're not going to inform the police there's no reason for it but what I want to know... did you get the pill? The one that stops you from getting pregnant?"

Olivia nodded and Serena let out a sigh of relief. "Good girl," the professor said. "No one deserves to have a child that way. If you were conceived seven years later you wouldn't be here." Serena chuckled sadly and raised her glass in a mocking toast. "God bless Roe."

Olivia said nothing in response. She had heard those words from her mother before, both drunk and sober. The brunette remember her mother curled up on the couch sobbing, a shattered empty bottle thrown against the wall, as the verdict was read on the TV. All she kept saying was it wasn't fair, it wasn't fair over and over... When the seven year old asked what was the matter Serena just screamed at her to leave her alone and threw her glass at her, narrowly missing the young girls face by mere inches.

Her babysitter her told the next day that it was a sad day in America. That women were now allowed to legally murder their own babies. Olivia thought that was why her mother had been so upset.

It wasn't until a few years later she realized it wasn't the fact that abortion had become legal that had thrown Serena into near hysterics, but the fact that the decision came seven years too late...

Serena sighed as she leaned back in the chair and downed the rest of her coffee. "You can stay here for as long as you want," she told Olivia as she stood up from the couch. "While you were in the shower I made up your old bed."

"Thank you," Olivia muttered.

Serena walked over to her and hugged her daughter, softly stroking her hair. "I'm sorry this happened to you. I love you. So much."

"I love you too," said Olivia as she hugged her back. Serena kissed the top of her head before she pulled back.

"Sleep well, My Love."

"You too."

With another smile Serena made her way to her bedroom, the fact that she grabbed the unopened bottle of vodka not escaped by her daughter...

 **PRESENT DAY**

 _Why was she going up the stairs? Why was she in some house that was littered with drunk rambunctious teenagers? She was fifty one years old, she didn't go to house parties...\_

 _Then it hit her. She knew why she was going up the stairs, she knew why she was at this house. She screamed at herself not to go further, to just run back down the stairs knowing what awaited her at the top but she kept going, one step after the other until she reached the top. She couldn't control herself as she moved forward to the closed door._

 _She couldn't control anything._

 _Olivia opened the door and then she was at the foot of the bed, watching as a 22 year old Ben Taylor raped her unconscious nineteen year old self. The fifty one year old suddenly felt everything he was doing to the teenager, every thrust, every wet kiss, every bruise, she felt every single moment..._

 _Olivia screamed for him to stop, for the nineteen year old to wake up, to fight back, but her words had zero effects on either of them. When she tried to draw her gun, tackle him, fight for the young woman on the bed she couldn't move. Her body wouldn't do anything she demanded it do, instead just standing and watching her younger self be raped._

 _She was powerless._

 _Taylor came hard, groaning as he did. Olivia sobbed as she felt his seed seep run down her legs. Then he moved and Olivia gasped in disgust and horror as the victim on the bed changed from nineteen year old Olivia Benson to present day Amanda Rollins..._

Olivia gasped as she flew up in her bed, a cold sweat covering her entire body.

It took her a long moment to realize she was in her own room, safe, with her boyfriend sleeping soundly beside her.

"Liv?" Tucker muttered without moving or opening his eyes. "You alright?"

Olivia looked down at him and swallowed hard, trying to make the shake in her voice disappear before she spoke to him.

"I'm fine, just a bad dream. Go back to sleep."

"You sure?" he asked, still without moving from his spot on the bed.

"Yeah."

Tucker muttered something unintelligible before he fell back asleep.

Olivia leaned against the headboard, closing her eyes against the tears that so desperately wanted to fall. She could still feel him on top of her, still feel his essence on her thighs... That second skin she had almost scrubbed herself raw at her mothers apartment trying to get rid of so many years ago was back.

She glanced at the clock and grimaced. 2:08 AM. She hadn't even made it an hour before her nightmare woke her up and she had four more hours to go before she had to be up.

Wiping her eyes she snuggled as close to she could to Tucker, resting her head on his strong sturdy chest and wrapping her arms around him.

Olivia couldn't help but crack a teary smile when, even in his sleep, he knew to wrap his arms around her and held her tight.

God she loved this feeling. The first time she saw him without a shirt she was stunned just at how big he was, hell the man could bench press her if he wanted to. He made her feel safer than any man ever had. It wasn't just the physical part that made her feel that way, he just had this almost aura around Tucker that made her feel like he would protect her, he would keep her safe, he'd do whatever her could to take care of her, and her son for that matter...

Olivia snuggled in closer and was just about to fall back asleep, her phone rudely interrupted her almost sleep.

She groaned as she turned over and grabbed her phone, unable to help the annoyance that surged through her. Since she had become Lieutenant the only time she had been called this late at night was when her crew found child porn on Hank Abraham's laptop.

That's why when she answered her phone she expected one of her detectives to tell her that they were on the scene of a rape where either the perp or the victim was 'important' enough to require her attention.

"Benson," she answered, unable to stifle her yawn.

"Hello, Olivia."

Her eyes flew open and she shot up in bed, breathing hard as Taylors voice on the other end of the line reached her ears.

She started trembling as she struggled to speak, a cold sweat taking over her entire body.

"Are you there, Lieutenant?" asked Taylor, a slight smirk in his tone. He knew he was upsetting her by calling her this late at night but that had been half the fun for him.

"Wha... What are you doing?" Olivia demanded, flinching when her voice came out far less strong then she wanted it to. "Why are you calling me?"

She heard the snake oil smile in his words.

"I'm your boss, remember? You have a case."

"No I don't. There's three detectives plus a Sergeant you need to call before me. Besides Rollins and Carisi are on call tonight."

"Everyone needs to pull their own weight, Lieutenant... Besides I gave Amanda the night off. YOU are on call actually."

Olivia felt her blood begin to boil. He wasn't about to steamroll her like this.

"I make the on call schedules. You don't get to change them."

"You had her on call four times this week."

"Yeah and next week she's not on the on call schedule at all and Carisi is on call four times then the week after that Carisi isn't on at all and Fin is on four times..." she explained. "I made it completely fair."

"Well I disagree, I think you put her on there more than any other of your detectives intentionally. I also noticed you weren't on the schedule at all..."

None of this made any sense. Olivia had implemented the same exact type of schedule Cragen had when Munch became Sergeant and there was three detectives in the squad. Lieutenants and above weren't put on the night schedule, that's how the scheduling worked not just in SVU but every precinct in Manhattan.

Taylor was pretending this protocol didn't exist just to prove he could control her.

"Call Fin then."

"Come on, Lieutenant... You really want some poor little female victim to have to deal with two men the worst night of her life?"

Olivia shook her head in disgust. He had no right to use another victim against her...

"She's at Manhattan General," said Taylor, knowing he had her by the balls with that last comment. "Names Annie Richards. She uh... She said some guy drugged her at a party, when she woke up she was covered with bruises and was feeling sore 'down there'."

She was sure he could hear her heart thudding wildly against her chest and her lip tremble.

"Have fun with that one, detective..." He told her with a tone that made her cringe. "I'm sure you'll do a great job, this case being so close to your heart and all..."

Then without another word he was gone.

 **Please Review**


	6. Chapter 6

I own no one but my own people

 **1985**

Olivia slept most of Sunday and her mother, thankfully, was too busy grading schools to bother her the day until she brought home takeout and all but forced Olivia to eat something.

Then Monday morning just before 6 AM when her mother would usually wake up, Olivia snuck out of the apartment and made her way back to her campus.

She didn't bother going back to the sorority house, just wearing some of her old clothes she forgot to take with her that her mother still had, and instead just sat alone in the coffee shop near campus, slowly sipping on an overpriced coffee until her first class at 8:30.

It may have been all in her mind but she could have sworn more people than normal were paying attention to her. She swallowed hard as she glanced up, catching one boys eye who just smirked at her for a moment before she quickly bowed her head to stare at the table top again.

Finally it was time for her class and she gathered her things and headed out.

Class was a rather boring affair. It was advanced Spanish which usually she had no problem with and enjoyed quite a bit but today she didn't hear a single word the professor said. She couldn't concentrate on anything besides desperately trying to keep herself grounded, to not let her mind wonder to the bedroom, to think of anything besides Ben Taylor...

Finally the class was over and Olivia looked down at her notebook slightly cringing. There was a small handful of disjointed notes but not the usual neat tiny writing that filled up an entire page.

 _Whatever_ she thought as she packed up her bag and headed out of the classroom.. _I'll just get the notes from someone later._

With some time to kill before her next class Olivia made her way towards the dining hall. She had just past a gaggle of boys one of whom was carrying a soccer ball when they called out to her.

"Hey you're uh, you're in my English class right? The sociology major?" one of the boys asked while the others around him snickered like he had told some great joke when she turned around to see what he wanted.

"Yes..." she answered carefully to another round of barely concealed snickering. "Why?"

The ringleader clicked his tongue and looked her up and down. "Ya know I gotta say I thought all you hippie feminazi type women were all prudish man hating virgins but I uh, I guess I was wrong."

"Screw you!" Olivia snapped.

"Whoa, calm down, baby, don't get mean." He grabbed his crotch and smirked at her. "Lemme make you feel better."

"Fuck off!" she barked before she stormed away from the laughing group.

She had only took a few steps when she ran into someone else.

"Excuse me," said Olivia rather snappily as she tried to move past the man who ran into her.

"That's all you gotta say to me?" Lucas' voice snapped back.

Olivia sighed as she forced herself to turn around to look at him. "What, Lucas?" she asked, letting him know full and well she wanted to be anywhere but here talking to him.

Lucas shook his head and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Wow... I can't believe you. You turn me down and then you go screw someone else twenty minutes later and then you're gonna give me shit?"

Her eyes narrowed in confusion.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Oh please, like you don't know... What; I wasn't good enough to sleep with after two weeks but Ben fucking Taylor was good enough to sleep with after ten minutes?"

Olivia felt her heart jump into her throat, her berating sped up to dangerous levels. She took a step back from him, her whole body shaking. "Wha-... What did you say?"

"You slept with Taylor," he emphasized. "He told the whole damn soccer team at practice this morning that you and him fucked."

"No..." Olivia whimpered as tears filled her eyes. "No no no no no... Lucas, I- I didn't-!"

"No, ya know what? I liked you, Liv. I was considering apologizing before I found out but now? You can kiss my ass."

Lucas shoved past her leaving the young woman standing there in tears.

 **PRESENT DAY**

"Me and my friends went to The Shrunken Head to celebrate my friend Marie's 21st. It's this stupid Tiki Bar that shes always wanted to go to."

Olivia listened patiently as twenty year old Annie Richards sat in the hospital bed dressed in nothing but a flimsy hospital gown that did nothing to hide the bruises that covered her body. The rape kit had taken twice as long as it normally did due to the fact that Annie kept stopping the nurse and changing her mind almost every other step.

But Olivia was there the whole time holding her hand and gently coaxing her to continue with the exam. Usually Olivia would question the victims while they had the exam done so they could get it over quicker but with Annie on the verge of sobbing every time the nurse lifted a finger to touch her the seasoned Lieutenant thought it best to wait until she had calmed down some and wasn't being poked and prodded.

"I had a few drinks but nothing more then what I normally drink when I go out and they really weren't that strong... I- I mean I don't go out ALL the time!" Annie corrected herself with an edge of fear. "Like twice a month if that!"

"It doesn't matter how much you drink or how often you go out," Olivia told her gently. "Nothing you did excuses his actions, Annie."

"Yes it does," Annie told her, her bottom lip trembling as tears filled her light brown eyes. "I- I know the rules when you go out, you NEVER take a drink after you get up and leave it but they were $15 a drink, so I- I went to the bathroom, came back and finished my drink."

The Lieutenant jotted down what the young girl told her before she turned back to her. "Do you remember anything after you finished your drink?"

Annie shook her head.

"Where were you when you woke up?"

"Some motel room. I was still dressed but I was sore all over, I had bruises all over..."

Olivia closed her eyes, forcing herself to remain in the here and now. The last thing Annie needed was for the officer that was supposed to be helping her to flashback to her own assault during the interview. She had to stay strong for her...

"When was this?" asked Olivia, willing her own voice to remain steady.

"I woke up yesterday morning."

"Why did you wait so long to come to the hospital?"

Annie looked down at the thin blanket and picked at a piece of lint, her bottom lip trembling. "I was drinking underage, I was out partying, I can't even remember someone hurting me... Who would believe me?"

Olivia set down her notebook and looked over at the young girl. "Annie, look at me," she prompted as soft as she could.

Annie quickly wiped away her tears as she looked up at the Lieutenant.

"I see you," Olivia told her leaving zero room for doubt placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. "I don't doubt a single word you've said... I believe you, Annie."

Tears flooded the young girls eyes before she reached out and wrapped her arms tightly around the Lieutenant and sobbed into her shoulder. Olivia hugged her back just as tight, gently stroking the girls long brown hair.

"It's okay, Annie," she whispered, her voice barely audible over the girls sobs. "It's alright. I'm right here, Annie, I'm right here..."

 **...**

"Annie Richards, just turned 20 last week, sophomore at Hudson U," Olivia read through her notes, stifling a yawn.

She was back at the precinct when her squad, sans Amanda, and Taylor all gathered around the case board which now held photos of Annie along with the names and other details of the cases.

After she took the rest of the statement she promised the young girl she would catch the man who did this to her she headed back to the precinct where the sun had just begun to rise.

"She said she didn't remember anyone really paying attention to her," the Lieutenant continued. "Truth be told, she doesn't remember anything after she got back from the bathroom."

"Could she have been drugged or was she just drunk?" asked Carisi.

"Not to mention how do we know this girl isn't crying 'foul' just to cover up a mistake?" Taylor added.

Olivia glared at him as she answered. "I was there in that hospital room while they did the rape kit, that girl was traumatized."

Taylor shrugged as he got of the desk and walked over to her. Olivia forced herself to hold her ground as he invaded her space. "You said she didn't remember anything that happened to her... How can she be 'traumatized' over something she doesn't even remember."

Olivia wanted to slap the smirk off of his face.

"You don't have to remember every detail of your rape for it to affect you," she spat.

Taylor just let out a chuckle too low for anyone else to hear before he put on the mast of seriousness and he turned back to the case board, acting like he was thinking it over. "I'm not doubting what happened upset this girl, Olivia-."

"Lieutenant," Olivia snapped.

"...Lieutenant... But she could have easily said yes and just forgot about it or lied to you."

"She wasn't lying," Olivia told him in no uncertain terms. "Plus if you're too drunk to remember giving consent, then you couldn't have given consent."

"Well... You said that this girl didn't remember anything that happened right?"

"Yes. She went to the bathroom, came back, finished her drink, and blacked out."

"Did the hospital find any traces of drugs?"

Olivia glared at the Captain who already knew the answered to the question. "No. But that doesn't mean-."

"Ah, Amanda, so good of you to join us!"

Olivia and the rest of the squad turned and saw the blonde walking into the precinct, ignoring Olivia's harsh look.

"You're late, Rollins," Olivia barked at her.

Amanda opened her mouth to explain but Taylor interrupted the younger woman.

"She was working extra late so I let her come in a little later, Lieutenant," said Taylor. He walked over to her and whispered just loud enough for the rest of the squad t hear. "Maybe next time you wish to scold one of your Detectives you check with your CO first to see if they actually did something wrong."

Carisi, Fin and Mike all glanced at one another before they turned back to Olivia and Taylor, all three of them feeling various degrees of dislike for their new captain.

Amanda on the other hand couldn't contain the flash of a grim at Taylor who just gave her a friendly smile and nod.

"Anyway..." Olivia continued, tossing a glare at Amanda quickly extinguishing the grin she had. "There's new date rape drugs every other week. If our guy knows chemistry or has connections..."

"So we're gonna waste man hours on the chance that this guy is a chemistry major?"

"No but-."

Taylor held up a hand to silence her.

"This case is a dead end, Lieutenant."

"We haven't even begun investigating," Olivia argued. "We haven't talked to any of the people at the bar, who she went out with, anyone at the motel..."

"Okay and what if you and my squad are off chasing down some one night stand she got too drunk to remember and a real rape victim comes in needing help?"

Olivia closed her eyes, forcing herself to take a deep breath so she could calm herself down.

"Captain Taylor... As the second in command-."

"As the second in command you have no authority to override me," he interrupted. "Consider the case dropped, Lieutenant."

Olivia shook her head at him. "You're unbelievable," she told him.

She knew the moment Amanda announced that he was their new Captain he would make her life hell. He would try his best to embarrass her, do his absolute best to send her emotions into a total whirlwind, to dominate her, to break her.

But she never thought he would mess with their cases, that he would be willing to hurt other victims just to spite her.

Carisi looked between Olivia and Taylor for a moment before he cleared his throat and stood up from his desk. "Come on, Cap," Carisi argued. He waited until Taylor turned to him before he continued. "I mean it won't hurt to just go talk to some people."

"Carisi's right," Fin added with a nod towards the youngest detective. "It won't waste anymore time then if we're just sitting on our asses around here."

"Not to mention," said Mike as he too stood up. "The victim gets word that you won't even allow the squad to investigate, that could lead to a lawsuit for you and the city."

Taylor crossed his arms in front of his chest as he looked at the three men who had stood up for their Lieutenant, pretending to consider their opinions. He turned and looked at Amanda who was sitting on the edge of her desk silent.

"Amanda, you're part of this squad," said Taylor sweetly. "What do you think?"

The squad turned to the young blonde who opened her mouth to speak before closing it.

"I... I mean it couldn't hurt to investigate... If it's a lie we'd probably find out pretty quickly, if it's real then we work the case."

Taylor slowly nodded before he turned back towards the three men and Olivia. "Fine," he told them. "You can investigate. But any hint that this is just a big lie..."

Olivia ignored the rest of his words before she turned to her squad. "Alright, Carisi, you and me are going to go talk to the girls at the party and check out the bar. Fin, Dodds-."

"Hang on, Lieutenant..."

Olivia closed her eyes for a moment before she turned to face Taylor who had a smug look on his face. "What?" she demanded.

"Aren't you going to thank me for allowing you to investigate?"

"No."

"No?" Taylor raised his brow at her. "I could easily have said no investigating. If it wasn't for Amanda there I would have said no. I think a little thanks is in order..."

The brunette swallowed hard before she spoke, hating herself for showing weakness in front of her detectives.

"Thank you, Captain"

Taylor grinned at her, relishing in her defeat before he started to turn back towards his office before he turned back again.

"By the way, before I forget- Desk Sergeant needs inventory to be done. Lieutenant?"

"Fine; Carisi change of plans, you do inventory, Rollins and I will-."

"No no no you misunderstood me. I'm telling YOU, Lieutenant, to do the inventory."

Silence ripped through the squad as they all turned to look at one another.

Doing Inventory was a job usually reserved for the lowest ranking officer, which in this case would be Carisi. Making a Lieutenant do it was not only a slap in the face to Olivia but to tell her to do it in front of her squad just added another layer onto the cake used to embarrass her.

Olivia had done it plenty of times during the twelve years when she Jr Detective along with Fin. Then when Elliot left and there was two more detectives who for the most part did the yearly sometimes dirty annoying assignment that bored the unfortunate detective to tears.

Narrowing her eyes in confusion Olivia glanced between her squad and Taylor. "Um... No, that's not how it works. Carisi can do inventory."

"Yeah, Cap I got no problem with it," the young Italian told the Captain quickly.

"I know you don't have a problem with it, Carisi, but I'm telling the Lieutenant that she's doing it."

Another confused look. "Thats... Thats not how it works here, Captain."

"You are not in charge anymore, Lieutenant. The way I say it works is how it works. Now..." He crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Are we going to have a problem here or are you going to listen to me? If not then I'm sure Desk Sergeant Buckley could use an extra body for traffic detail for the next week."

A hot blush rose to her cheeks. Olivia glanced around her squad for a moment before she turned back to him.

"Fine," she muttered, unable to look at anyone. "Fine, I'll do the inventory."

A oil filled smile. "That a girl... Well, everyone you have your assignments. Hop to it."

With that he turned and headed into his office. There was a moment of uncomfortable silence before Olivia cleared her throat, still not looking at her squad. "You heard him. Carisi, Amanda to the bar and college, Fin, Dodds to the motel."

"Lieu, I'm sorry," Carisi told her. "I'll do the inventory."

The brunette shook her head. "Don't. It's fine, I've done it enough times I can knock this out in a day or two. Go help our victim."

With a smile to reassure him that she wasn't upset at him, Olivia walked out of the bullpen with her squad staring after her.

 **Please Review**


	7. Chapter 7

I own no one but my own people

 **1985**

 _Much too long I've been a prisoner here, the hour has come to break out! Shackled and chained and almost goin' insane, it's better to live on the run! Set me free! Set me free!_

Olivia sighed in boredom as she leaned up against her sorority house wall, watching as the usually somewhat quiet house filled up with loud drunk students dressed in Halloween costumes, the music blasting as loud as they could make it. She herself had on a pair of jeans and a t shirt, bare makeup and her artificial curls flattened against her head.

Usually she loved Halloween. It was a chance for her to be a different person and have a blast doing it. This year however, she was sick of the holiday before it even began.

The only reason why she wasn't up in her room ignoring both her sorority sisters, which she had been doing for the past month, and fellow students was because the president of the house told her she had to make SOME kind of appearance for their Halloween party, even if she, as the president described her lately, miserable looking and sully.

This past month had been hell for her. She hadn't even picked up a book in the past month, she had used up all of her 'free skips' for classes and was now in the realm of having her grade lowered every time she cut but she didn't care.

Every single day since her rape was a struggle. Olivia barely made it out of bed some days and her nights were reduced to horrible nightmares that left her tossing and turning. In the beginning some of her sisters would run in, eager to help her, but eventually they learned to just sleep through the screams...

Olivia pushed away the people that cared about her. In the beginning they asked almost daily what was wrong with her, they'd reassure her that she could talk to them if she had a problem, but just like everything else in her miserable life, she pushed them away and like them running in every time she had a nightmare, sooner rather than later they stopped pushing back and left the young brunette alone and miserable with her own thoughts.

But tonight it was, technically, a 'club event' so she had to show her face for at least a couple minutes.

"What are you supposed to be?" a person next to her said suddenly.

Olivia turned and saw a twenty year old with slicked back black hair and hazel eyes dressed in tight light colored jeans with a studded belt, a white wife beater and a faux diamond studded arm band with a drawn on pencil mustache.

She rolled her eyes as she turned back towards the party, sipping on a cup of water, her fifth one of the evening. She had only managed to get through a few sips in each cup. Every time someone jostled her she'd dump it out and get a new cup, or when she took her eyes off it for even a second and someone walked by it was completely gone.

"Or you can just ignore me, that's fine too," the twenty year old said as he leaned against the wall next to her.

"Well what the hell are you supposed to be?" she snapped at the man who had invaded her sulking.

"Freddie Mercury," he answered.

Olivia raised a brow at him. "Doesn't Freddie Mercury... drive on the other side of the road?"

"Freddie Mercury gay?" He scoffed as if she made some insane comment but she couldn't help noticing he averted his eyes. "You're insane."

She just shrugged and went back to watching the rest of the party. After a moment the stranger spoke again. "So are you in the sorority?"

She sighed, realizing he wasn't going to be leaving her alone any time soon. "Yup."

"Cool..." Upon receiving no response he tried again. "I was here with a King Author but he ditched me for Wonder Woman so now I'm sitting here bored and alone. A Queen without a King."

She didn't respond not out of rudeness but something had just caught her eye. Becca, dawning an incredibly tight short cat costume was flirting with a tall and dashing guy in a Roman Warrior costume who seemed to be enjoying the attention the young sorority girl was giving him but that's not what drew Olivia's attention to the pair.

She saw the Roman Warrior take the red plastic cup in Beccas hand and turned his back to her to pour her a new drink. Her heart started pounding hard against her chest to the point she was sure it was dangerous as she watched him turn back to what was once one of her friends and hand her the drink.

"My names Rafa-," but the Freddie Mercury look alike started to introduce himself but never finished because Olivia stormed off mid sentence as she made her way over to the couple, running into people left and right as she all but ran over to the two.

"Don't drink that!" Olivia cried, grabbing the cup out of Beccas hand roughly.

"What the hell is your problem?" Becca yelled at her, drawing the attention of the people in the kitchen.

"He was trying to drug you!" Olivia cried, making the people around them gasp and mutter.

"What?! No I didn't!" The Warrior shouted looking around the room. "Becca, I swear I didn't!"

"I saw you do it!"

"No you didn't!"

"What the hell is going on here?" the president of their sorority Cassie Goodhines demanded, wearing a gray teddy and a pair of mouse ears, as she stormed over to the trio.

"He tried to drug Becca!" Olivia said before anyone else could say anything, pointing accusingly at the Warrior.

Cassie turned towards the man who was standing there eyes wide and mouth open.

"Aaron, what is she talking about?" Cassie asked as she crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"I don't know but I didn't do anything, I swear to God!"

"Then drink it!" Olivia demanded, thrusting out the cup of the liquid to him. "There's nothing wrong with the drink then-!"

But before she could finish the challenge Aaron wrenched the drink from her hand and gulped it down in three seconds, showing her the empty cup when he was done.

"It's just beer, you crazy bitch!"

Olivia swallowed hard as there were more whispers and snickers directed at her. Cassie swallowed hard as she stood in between Olivia and the man she had accused.

"Aaron, I am so... SO sorry."

"A member of your own house is going to accuse me of that? That's bullshit, Cassie!"

"I know, I know, and believe me I will deal with her."

Olivia looked between them in confusion. Who the hell was this guy that required this much special treatment?

"Great well until you do, I think we're gonna find a new place to party. Deltas!" Aaron yelled loudly. "Lets get out of here!"

Both Cassie and Becca offered desperate apologies as not only Aaron but a rather large group of males left the party.

When they left they both rounded on Olivia who was still confused.

"Why would you do that!" Cassie yelled at her. "Did you know who that was?!"

"No but look, I thought-!"

"That was Aaron Sumner! The President of Delta Sigma Pi! Our brother fraternity!"

Olivia swallowed hard as she digested the news. She had only pledged for a year but even she knew how tight the bond was between the two houses. There was even unwritten laws that said you couldn't date any other fraternity members except them.

"Do you know what an honor it was for him to choose Becca?!" Cassie continued yelling. "Then you go and ruin it for her?!"

"Look, I'm sorry," Olivia told her two irate women as she stood there, desperately trying to keep her voice even. "But I thought-."

"It doesn't matter what you think, Olivia!" shouted Becca. "Alright I don't know what the hell happened to you and honestly I don't fucking care but you need to stop acting so goddamn crazy or you need to get out of this house!"

"With the way your grades are going it's not like you'll be here much longer anyway," Cassie told her, voicing what others in the sorority had only gossiped about in secret until then.

Olivia swallowed hard as she looked between her two former friends, blinking away the wetness in her eyes. Without wasting another minute Olivia turned and headed up to her room with most of the people that had witnessed it laughing and snickering at the public embarrassment she had just dealt with, with the sole exception of one person dressed in a Freddie Mercury costume...

 **PRESENT DAY**

"That was wrong."

"It wasn't wrong."

"It was incredibly wrong."

Amanda sighed as she and Carisi drove to the home of the girl that Annie had gone out with the previous night.

"I think you're being too hard on him," Amanda told her partner as they waited at a red light. "He's a nice guy when you get to know him."

"You only think he's nice because he covered your ass for being late this morning," said Carisi. "You weren't working late last night, you left at your normal time. I know that because _I_ was working late last night. You're his favorite."

"Okay and Cragen made no bones about the fact that Olivia was his favorite, even a blind dog could see that. Why is it only a problem when someone else gets attention?"

"Because Cragen didn't disrespect anyone as openly as Taylor just disrespected Lieu."

Amanda shrugged as she turned onto the block where the girl lived. "The man has a point, when was the last time she did inventory? Not since I was here, and when she became Lieutenant she hasn't once been on call apart from when it was such a big case that we needed her."

"She's put in her time," Carisi argued with his best friend. "She's earned the right not to be woken up in the middle of the night or track down every missing pen... Besides you never had a problem with her before."

"I never realize how much she got away with not doing... I mean you know she couldn't pass a physical fitness test right? The weight part alone would fail her but somehow she gets a big 'pass' every year and, surprise, Fin is always the person that grades her."

"Why are you being so catty towards her?"

"I'm not, I'm just saying it's nice to have someone that actually treats everyone fairly."

"You mean treats you special and treats Lieu like she's some rookie."

"Well considering how Benson has always treated me, forgive me for not crying over the fact she had to lose some sleep and has to match up serial numbers on laptops for a day."

Carisi just shook his head but decided to let the argument go for now.

The two detectives pulled up to the apartment building where Marie lived and five minutes later they were sitting on her couch of the young woman whose birthday had been the reason they went out.

"I knew something like this would happen," Marie said as she shook her head. "I knew it, she goes out and parties all the time, she gets stark raving drunk... I'm amazed it hasn't happened sooner."

"Well I can see you're all torn up about this," Carisi said with a snip in his tone.

Marie scoffed and shrugged. "You do enough stupid shit, eventually it comes back on you. If it wasn't the guy who did her, it would have been someone else."

"What 'stupid shit' did Annie do?" asked Amanda, letting Marie know exactly what she thought of her choice of words.

"She'd go out like every other day partying, she'd get drunk, hook up with random guys... She would even carry vodka and cranberry in water bottles to class. Then she's surprised when something like this happened?"

"Going to parties is legal, raping someone is not," Amanda told her.

"Are we even sure it's rape and not just morning after regret?"

Carisi pursed his lips for a moment, trying not to let his anger get the better of him. "You said she would have random drunk hookups a lot right?"

Marie nodded.

"Has she ever cried rape before?"

A beat before she shook her head no.

"Then why all of a sudden would she go through the embarrassment of a rape kit?" said Carisi. "Possibly going to court, possibly having her name dragged through the mud or even facing arrest for making a false report just because she felt shame with this guy that she hasn't felt with anyone else?"

"False reports are less than 2% of all rape cases, and that's just the ones reported," Amanda added. "So no; we don't think it's just 'morning after regret'."

Marie looked between the two detectives and swallowed hard. "I'm sorry, it's just... I mean it wasn't even RAPE rape."

Amanda let out a humorless chuckle. "Really? What exactly is 'RAPE rape'?"

"You know what I mean. Some stranger pulling her off the street and holding her down... Plus not to mention if the guy was younger, she SO would have hooked up with him. Is it really rape if you would have done it with the guy anyway?"

Amanda and Carisi shared a looked before they turned back to the girl. "What guy?"

Anther shrug.

"Some old guy. I mean not like Dumbledore old but like middle aged old."

"Yeah? What'd this guy do?"

"He wanted to buy her a drink, she said no, he told her he meant soda, she turned him down again... I mean the guy went away and didn't bug her again but it's like we were in a tiki bar, why did they even let old dudes in there in the first place?"

"You remember what this guy looked like?"

Marie shook her head.

"No. Besides it was MY birthday, I didn't pay too much attention to the old man hitting on my friend."

"Some friend," Amanda muttered loud enough for Marie to hear, earning her a glare from the twenty one year old.

With a half hearted promise to call them if she remembered anything else, the two detectives headed out.

…

"94, 95, 96, 97, 98..."

Olivia sighed as she checked her count of against the four page long inventory sheet, groaning when she realized two of the hidden microphones made to look like beepers came up short.

No one used them anymore, they had long since upgraded to newer better models made to look like cellphones, hats and various pieces of jewelry. They were now there to simply take up space in the dingy basement where SVU's supplies were kept but nevertheless, she had signed them over from Cragen who signed them over from Captain Reneer so she was still responsible for all 100 of them.

She rubbed her temple in annoyance before she grabbed one of the beepers, knowing she had two more counts ahead of her before she could put the little check mark and sign her name next to it.

"1, 2, 3, 4-."

"They got you doing inventory?"

Olivia turned and couldn't help but smile when she saw Tucker standing in the doorway of the dimly lit room.

"My uh... my new Captain decided that this was a job only a Lieutenant with 18 years of experience under her belt could do."

Tucker chuckled as he walked over to her and helped her off the dusty concrete floor.

"Why didn't he make Carisi or Rollins do it?"

"Same reason why I got called out in the middle of the night instead of her," she answered as she draped her arms around his neck and he put his hands on her hips. "Apparently I'm not being fair enough to Rollins."

Tucker gently swayed her. "Well I think you're incredibly fair."

"Mmm, I'd say I'm more of an olive tone than fair," she said with a grin.

"My mistake," he told her before he reached down and kissed her, pulling her in closer.

"You're gonna get dust all over your suit," Olivia muttered against his lips but not willing to pull away from him.

"We'll just have to take it off when we get back home then won't we?" he told her as he kissed her again.

The couple stayed like that for far too short a moment for Olivia's liking before they finally pulled apart.

"So, what brings you here anyway? Surely the thought of your girlfriend counting radio headsets covered in dust doesn't exactly get your motor going."

"It does when you bend over to count them," he told her, enjoying the view as she bent over to pick up her clipboard.

Olivia chuckled as she straightened herself up and leaned against one of the metal shelves. "Keep it up, you might get to see me bend over something tonight."

Tucker grinned at her playfulness before he continued.

"I just dropped Noah off at daycare, it was a slow day at the office, thought you might wanna get out of here, go get a coffee and a quick bite to eat."

Another smile from her. "I'd like that."

She slowly bent back over to place her clipboard down on the floor again, standing back up just as teasingly.

"You did that on purpose," Tucker told her as she walked past him with a smirk on her lips.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Uh huh..."

The couple made their way back up to the bullpen where they headed over to her new desk where her purse and coat were.

"Where are you going?"

Tucker had just helped her with her coat when the unfortunately familiar voice of Ben Taylor reached her ears, sending all the happiness she had felt since Tucker arrived crash and burn, replaced by the fear and dread that had run rampant in her since she saw him in the break room.

Both her and Tucker turned to look at the new Captain who was walking over to the pair. "Lieutenant, I told you to do the inventory."

"I am, I'm just going out for a bite to eat," Olivia told him, already knowing that her plans with Tucker were now shattered.

"Forgive me I didn't realize there wasn't such a thing as delivery, or food brought from home and we had to abandon our tasks to leave work to go eat."

Tucker raised his brow as he looked between his girlfriend and her new boss before he cleared his throat to gain Taylor's attention.

"Captain Taylor, from White Collar correct?"

"That's right. You must be Captain Tucker, the reason why I have this position in the first place."

Taylor stuck out his hand and Tucker shook it, both men's grip far firmer than what they normally shook with.

When they let go Tucker wrapped his arm around Olivia's waist and pulled her ever so slightly closer to him. Normally Olivia couldn't stand PDA in the squad room. Even standing too close to him wasn't a thing she liked her detectives to see her doing.

But now with her rapist standing just feet in front of her, she had never appreciated the gesture more.

"Well, Captain Tucker, I gave the Lieutenant a task to complete. When shes done with it, then shes free to go. Since this isn't your precinct and I'm assuming no cops under investigation here, I suggest you get back to your own office."

"...Okay ignoring the fact that a Lieutenant shouldn't be doing inventory in the first place, officers go out for coffee all the time," Tucker argued.

Taylor pointed to the coffee maker in the corner along with the stale half eaten box of plain donuts. "Coffee and free donuts right over there. Granted your girlfriend could afford to skip the donuts a few times a week but nevertheless they're right there."

"I'm sorry, what?" said Tucker as he took a step towards Taylor but Olivia grabbed hold of him, shaking her head when he turned to look at her.

His lip curled into a sneer for a moment before he cleared his throat, faking a look of professionalism. "I'm sorry if I put a damper in your plans but that's the way I run my ship, Captain. The job comes before playtime. Lieutenant, you're on the clock until 6 PM so for the next 9 hours, you are to be down in the basement doing the job I instructed you. Is that clear?"

Olivia swallowed hard before she forced herself to speak. "Yes."

"Yes, what?"

She closed her eyes for a moment, hating that he was making her do this in front of Tucker. "Yes, Sir."

Another flash of a sneer. "Good girl." He offered a curt nod to Tucker. "Captain Tucker, always a pleasure."

"Wish I could say the same."

Taylor just chuckled and shook his head before he turned and headed back into his office.

"What a bastard," Tucker spat.

"You don't know the half of it," Olivia muttered.

He sighed and shook his head before he turned to face her. "I'm sorry I got you in trouble with him. I'm gonna talk to 1PP, see if they can get him replaced."

Normally Olivia would have balked at the idea of having her boyfriend try to help her out in this manner. She would have normally told him she could handle it, that everything was fine, that she would take care of it.

This time though she just nodded and began praying that Tucker had more pull then she did.

"Want me to bring you lunch?" he asked her.

"Thanks but I'm already in enough trouble for one day and it isn't even ten a clock."

Tucker nodded before he headed over to where Taylor had pointed out the donuts and grabbed one of them.

"Here," he told her handing her the pastry. "They don't look half bad."

Olivia gave him a thankful smile, knowing what he was trying to tell her before she took a small bite out of the stale doughnut

He kissed the top of her head and gave her hand a quick squeeze before he headed out of the precinct.

 **Please Review**


	8. Chapter 8

I own no one but my own people

 **1985**

Olivia sighed as she looked around the small dorm room, about half the size of her room, or to be more precise her previous room, in the Sorority house.

After the Halloween party mishap, it was a struggle to get anyone to even talk to her. When her housemates did it was usually to mock her before they drank something.

"Oooh Olivia! This might be drugged! Better check it!"

She would roll her eyes and go back to her room. Eventually she would only come out for classes, which wasn't all that often, and food which a miracle if she ate more then 4 times a week.

Then the other day she got the unsurprising news that her grades had fallen exceedingly low. Low enough so that she couldn't be a member of the sorority anymore.

Cassie was practically beaming when she told Olivia that she had to pack up her things and leave the house.

So now here she was, in a small cramped dorm room going from being on the presidents list to failing all of her classes, a popular member of her sorority to a nobody they couldn't wait to kick out of the house.

Some of her professors tried to talk to her, on the days she actually would show up to class, to ask her what had happened to make her grades fall so far and so fast but she just told them that she was fine and, like everyone else, eventually they stopped trying to pry.

Olivia had just started to make her bed when the door opened and in walked her new roommate. She was tall, actually inching out the impressive 5'8 brunette, with big crimped red hair and dark hazel eyes.

The only thing Olivia knew about her so far was unlike the rest of the dorms, her side of the room was scarcely decorated with only a photo of her and who Olivia assumed was her boyfriend, a man with striking blue eyes and short cropped black hair in a police uniform, next to her bed and a Micheal Jackson poster hanging on the wall.

Olivia forced an unconvincing smile as she cleared her throat to get the fellow sophomores attention who had walked past her without so much as a hello.

"I'm uh... I'm Olivia Benson. Your new roommate," said Olivia as she stuck out her hand.

"Terrific... You want a cookie or a medal?" the red head said dryly as she sat at her desk and grabbed one of her textbooks.

The brunettes face fell as she watched the red head for a moment before she tried again.

"I'm sorry they put me in here with you... I know how much it blows to go to your own room to half a one with a roommate."

"You didn't ask to be put in here, why are you sorry?" she responded without looking up from her book.

Olivia opened her mouth to say something but quickly closed it again. After another awkward moment she spoke again.

"Um that... that picture on your desk, is he your boyfriend, brother...?"

"Boyfriend."

"You two look adorable," said Olivia, hoping to get somewhat on her good side.

The red head shrugged, finally looking up from her book. "I mean he's a good lay but I don't think it's gonna last," she answered without sadness or any real emotional at all that indicated the prospect over her relationship with the blue eyed cop not lasting upset her.

"...Oh. Sorry."

"You're one of those people who apologize an awful lot aren't you?"

"I... I guess?"

"Stop it."

"Right. Sorr-... okay."

Olivia waited for the rather brash woman to say something else but when she realized she had nothing else to say she turned back to making her bed. After a while of uncomfortable silence Olivia spoke up again.

"Um what- whats your major?"

"Pre law."

"Really? That's cool." She waited a beat to see if the red head wanted to ask her about herself but when she didn't Olivia offered up the information herself. "I'm a sociology major, criminal justice minor."

"So you're a hippie?"

"What? No I-."

"Yes you are."

Olivia raised her brow at the woman who set down her book and stood up from her desk.

"I'm gonna go eat," the red head announced, grabbing her purse. "I might bring my boyfriend over to fuck afterwards, feel free to stay, leave, get headphones, whatever floats your boat."

She didn't say it in a snarky tone, like every other sentence she uttered it was just a cut and dry matter-of-fact statement.

"Can I at least get your name since we're gonna be living together?" asked Olivia as the red head started to walk out of the room.

"Rita Calhoun," she answered without bothering to shut the door behind her.

After she had finished making her bed and setting up her side of the room Olivia forced herself to go to the cafeteria for dinner, bundling up to guard herself against the cold weather of the late November weather.

She got her tray of some kind of dry flavorless chicken and bland rice and headed out to the tables. As it had been for the past month, Olivia looked around for an empty table, finding one in the back of the dining hall, holding back tears as she took the long way around to bypass her usual table full of her former sorority housemates.

In high school an empty lunch table was her reality. She didn't want anyone to get close to her because what if they turned on her when they found out the secret about her mother, about her father? She was quiet and friendless, walking through the halls with her head down. She had been just as friendless as she was now and she swore that once she was in college she would join a sorority, she would make friends and be popular.

For a while she was. Everyone was friendly towards her, everyone was kind, she was invited to hang out with people and go places with them... She was finally happy and confident in herself and actually loved life. But then Ben Taylor came into her life and found a way to steal that accomplishment away from her.

Olivia sat down at an empty table in the back of the room and, quickly and quietly, ate her dinner, doing her best to ignore the sounds of happy college students around her without a care in the world. God what she wouldn't give to be one of them again...

Afterwards she emptied her tray and went to the mail room. There was only one letter and it was from the school and she ripped it open, her face falling as she read the letter.

" _Dear Olivia Benson,_

 _Based on Academic Policies and Procedures of the Sociology Department of Sienna College, your academic performance is unsatisfactory. You are being placed on Academic Probation for the Spring 86 semester._

 _You must meet with your adviser or Program Director during the semester to review and assess your academic progress. You will be evaluated at the end of the Spring 86 semester on date. If you have not made satisfactory academic improvement as stated above, then you may be dismissed from the program."_

Olivia closed her eyes as a tear leaked out and ran down her cheek. She knew she had let her grades go to hell but she never thought they would consider kicking her out...

She sniffed as she stuffed the letter inside of her purse and began to make her way back to her dorm when she passed a list pinned up in the hallway and one large bold name caught her eye.

Olivia turned to look at the list and it took everything in her not to collapse where she stood and sob until she had no tears left.

The high honors list for the semester had been put up and there, a list Olivia had made her first two semesters at Sienna and was now nowhere to be found.

But now, at the very top of the list, with an star next to his name to show he was done this semester, was the name 'Ben Taylor'...

 **PRESENT DAY**

"You signed for the laptop. I see your name, signature, and badge number next to the little box that says 'sign here to sign for the laptop'. Don't tell me you never signed for the laptop when I see right here that you signed for the laptop."

Olivia sighed as she rubbed her temple, already feeling a mess of a headache coming on as the detective on the other line tried to convince her that he had never signed for the property. After Tucker showed up to take her to out to breakfast and had been shut down by Taylor, she had stayed in the dusty dingy basement the rest of the day trying to get this done as quick as she could.

She was almost done with the first of four pages, and was now trying to trace the laptops that was supposed to be left on the desks at all time unfortunately one of them were missing and the last person to sign for it was a detective who retired and moved to Jersey three months prior.

"Look, Detective Smart, I don't care why you took it home. I don't care that you never signed it back in. I don't even care if it's in working condition. I just need the laptop back or else you owe the department $550 ... No I'm not kidding... Your daughter took it to college where? …California, well that's terrific. Look; either get the laptop back or the state of NY will be garnishing $550 out of your tax return. Thank you and have a good day."

Olivia slammed down the receiver a bit more harsher then she had intended. She made a little note in the four page printout and was about to move onto the next page when she heard someone on the stairs. She looked up from her clipboard and her face fell when she saw Taylor walk down the stairs.

"Wow... Kinda dusty down here," he said as he walked over to the Lieutenant.

"What do you want?" she demanded as she quickly stood up from the ground.

"What, we can't have a pleasant conversation?"

"No."

Taylor scoffed as if she had offended him putting his hand to his heart. "I'm insulted, Olivia... You hurt my feelings."

She said nothing, just glared as he walked closer. It took everything in her not to backup when he stood right in front of her but she wasn't about to give him the satisfaction of knowing he terrified her.

"I don't like when my feelings are hurt," he told her with a mock pout. "I think you should apologize."

"Not on your life."

Taylor dropped the hurt facade as he reached out and moved a piece of hair from her face, smirking when she flinched away from his touch.

"What. Do. You. Want?" she asked again, cringing when a bit of a shake broke through the tough exterior she so desperately was trying to portray in front of him.

"I think we both know the answer to that," he told her, moving his hands up to place them on her hips.

The second his fingers touched her she pushed him, hard, against one of the metal shelves, her breathing quickening to a pace she didn't know existed.

"Don't you EVER put your hands on me again!" she barked, not caring who heard her.

A look of anger so intense it terrified the veteran SVU officer flashed in his light brown eyes. He took a menacing step towards her and she took a frightened step back just as there was another set of footsteps on the basement steps.

"Olivia?"

Taylor stopped mid step and closed his eyes, his breath uneven.

"Yes, Counselor?" Taylor asked, all hints of the snake oil he used to talked to her disappeared.

Barba came into view and walked towards the two of them. "Carisi and Rollins just got back, we thought you'd wanna go over what we found out... Olivia, you alright?"

Olivia swallowed hard as she tried to make her face appear less terrified and she nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

"We'll be right up, Counselor," Taylor told the brown eyed ADA.

Barba looked between the two commanders for a moment before he walked over to the shelf Olivia was standing by, grabbing one of the old radios off the shelf.

"What in the world is this?" he asked, trying his best to feign interest.

Olivia took a shaking breath and nodded towards the stack of radios in his hand. "Old radios. We um... We used in the nineties."

"Interesting... What makes them so different then modern ones?"

"Longer range."

"How did they get the range longer?"

Realizing that Barba wasn't going to leave the two cops alone Taylor headed back up the stairs, a bit of a stomp in his footsteps. The moment he was gone Barba threw the radio back onto the shelf.

"Are you alright?" he asked her again, his eyes wide with worry.

Another shaking breath. "I'm fine, Barba."

"That lie might work on your Detectives but it doesn't work on me," he said not unkindly. "What happened?"

Olivia bit her lip for a moment before she shook her head. "Nothing."

"You're my best friend, Liv, please don't lie to me."

"I'm not. I'm fine, Barba, I swear."

She flashed him half a smile that she knew didn't fool him but nevertheless he dropped his concerns.

For now.

"What are you doing here anyway, we just started investigating the case," she asked as she bent down to pick up her phone and clipboard.

"I needed Carisi to prepare for court, thought I'd give him a ride back here."

Olivia raised her brow at the man standing in front of her. "Don't you mean he asked you to help him go over something for the BAR exam and you tutored him during your only free time today since there's no court cases scheduled for him this week?"

Barba looked at her for a moment before he clicked his tongue and nodded. "Right right... Knew that sounded wrong."

Olivia just chuckled and clapped him on the shoulder as they made their way up to the bullpen. "Did you bring him back in one piece at least?" she asked just barely loud enough for him to hear her.

"I always do."

They walked over to the case board where her squad and Taylor were gathered around it.

"Lieutenant," Mike greeted with a friendly nod as her and Barba way over to them.

"Sergeant... What do we got?" She asked, standing as far away from Taylor as she could manage without drawing suspicion.

Barba stood right by her the entire time.

"Night manager at the motel says he didn't see anything," Fin informed her.

Olivia narrowed her eyes. "Well I mean our guy must have used a card to pay."

"Paid cash," Mike informed her.

"And judging by the new iPhone box that was on the counter, I'm gonna assume our perp paid cash for a lot more than the room," Fin said darkly.

"Security footage?"

"No security cameras in the building."

Olivia sighed and crossed her arms as she looked at the case board. "Great... Carisi, Rollins, what did you find out?"

"Bartender said he remembered an old guy hitting on Annie which matches up with what Marie told us," Carisi informed her.

"Great we get an ID?"

A shake of the head. "He said it was way to busy to really get a good look at him, the only reason he remembers it is because it's the oldest guy he's seen in there in a while. We checked the security footage from the front of the club but nothing so he must have snuck in the back where, unfortunately, there are no cameras."

"Well at least it's something... What about the girls with Annie?"

"Turns out Annie wasn't as innocent as she led you to believe," said Rollins. "Marie said she parties a few times a week, not twice a month, has a lot of one night stands... She lied to you, Lieutenant."

"Yeah because how many victims get blamed for their own attack," Olivia said without tearing her eyes form the board. "If I was her I would have lied too... Any other party guests remember the man at the bar?"

"Yeah but they all had a similar story, he tried to buy her a drink, she turned him down, he walked away."

"So our guy is smart. He knows not to draw attention to himself," said Olivia.

"Or this whole thing is one big lie, because she doesn't want her friends to know she went home with an older guy," Taylor finally spoke up.

Olivia pursed her lips for a moment before she turned towards him. "You don't go through a rape kit and go through the court system just because you're embarrassed."

"Look there's no evidence, no one can even ID the rapist, if he even is a rapist... I'm dropping the case."

"What? You can't do that," Olivia told him.

"I can and I am. Forgetting the fact that he girl is a drunk and a slut-."

"She's a rape victim!" Olivia barked at him as she started to storm over to him but Fin grabbed a hold of her arm to keep her from doing something she'd regret.

"She lied to you, Lieutenant. I'm dropping the case first off to save yourself some embarrassment, and I don't wanna hear another argument about it. Go finish the inventory."

Taylor turned to go back to his office while Olivia's hands clenched into fists.

"You son of a bitch!" she shouted at him as she wrenched out of Fins grasp and stormed over to him. "We have a suspect, we have witnesses, we have-!"

"You are not in control of this unit any longer, Lieutenant!" he yelled as he turned around suddenly, stopping her in her tracks. "I am the CO! I make the rules, and I give the orders around here! If you don't want to be transferred, you would do very well to remember that!"

The entire precinct was silent for a long while. Taylor took a deep breath and ran a hand through his already slicked back hair.

"Get back to the basement, finish the damn inventory."

Olivia shook her head in disgust before she stormed off back to the basement. The second she was out of sight a low mutter broke out among the squad room. Taylor took another deep breath before he walked over to the squad.

"I'm sorry I shouted at the Lieutenant," he told them as sincerely as he could make his voice, mainly focused on Amanda. "I shouldn't have lost my temper with her in front of you all."

Realizing he wasn't going to get a response he continued. "You're all behind on paperwork and your mileage logs, I need them on my desk by the end of business today. You all have enough to do, so none of you are to go and help the Lieutenant with the inventory. She probably knows the system better than all of you put together anyway, you'll just slow her down."

Barba glared at the man standing before him for a moment before he stormed off, heading not for the exit but for the basement.

"Where are you going, Counselor?" asked Taylor.

"To help her out," he responded rather brashly before he turned back to him. "You may be able to tell these guys what to do, but I do NOT answer to you..."

Without another word Barba turned and headed down the basement stairs.

 **Please Review**


	9. Chapter 9

I own no one but my own people

 **1985**

Olivia sighed as she wrapped her jacket around her tighter as she walked from the coffee shop near campus back to her dorm. There was loud music playing form almost every building it seemed like along with the students cheering and celebrating the fact that finals were over and they were free from classes until January.

The last two semesters Olivia had been one of the happy care free students celebrating their accomplishments. The last day of finals her first semester was the day she pledged her sorority. She also had her first college hook up with a senior who was also Co-Captain on the Rugby Team that night and he was big and buff and rugged with dark green eyes. The sex was amazing. He had actually begged her to let him go down on her and made sure her needs had been taken cared of.

She orgasmed twice that night and the next day he told her he was transferring to Grad School out in Detroit and would love to continue a long distance relationship with her. She just smiled, told him how sweet he was but she didn't think she could handle a long distance relationship, kissed him on the cheek and sent him on his way.

This time last year all she kept thinking about was how amazing the sex was. She enjoyed sex, she enjoyed being pleasured and bringing a pleasure to a man. This year; she wanted to cringe anytime she even thought about the word. Taylor had taken that away from her too.

Olivia was about to pass by a building when someone came around it and she smacked into the person.

She looked up briefly to mutter a quick apology but stopped when she looked into the face of Taylor.

"Whooo... Hey, Livvie!" he slurred, his honey brown eyes blood shot and his breath reeking of alcohol. In his hand he held a half empty bottle of beer.

Olivia stood frozen as he pointed to himself, swaying hard where he stepped. "Did you- you know what? You are looking at... What are you looking at? Oh, YOU are looking at a man completely free from college!"

She shook her head, forcing her body to cooperate as she tried to side step him but he quickly blocked her.

"Move," she tried to order him, hating how her voice came out trembling.

"Move!" he mocked her in a high falsetto voice followed by a laugh like he had said something hilarious. "You have a- you know you have great sense of humor you know that?"

He looked at her for a moment like he was concentrating hard on something. "You know you- you have- you have the most beautiful lips I have ever kissed."

Before Olivia could even breathe the player grabbed hold of her face and slammed his lips against hers, kissing her hard.

Olivia opened her mouth to scream and he shoved his tongue in her mouth for a moment before he pulled away before he could bite her.

Sudden tears rushed to her eyes as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, stumbling as she took several steps away from him.

"Oh come on, Liv!" he barked, suddenly angry. "We- you and I did a LOT worse that night. We both know you don't care who you do it with."

She couldn't stand it anymore. She tried to move past him again but he grabbed her arms and slammed her against the building.

Once again she was frozen for a moment, unable to fight back until he pressed up against her and she felt his hardness.

"Get off me!" she screamed trying to get out of his grasp.

"Hey!"

Both Olivia and Taylor turned towards the voice and saw a man, no older than Olivia sprint down the street towards them. "Get off her!"

The second the stranger got close he smashed the bottle against the wall and raised the bottle in the air.

"Look out!" Olivia screamed as he swiped the bottle at the man who raised his arm to defend his face just in time.

The hero cried out as the jagged bottle easily cut through his jacket and sliced his arm. Without another word the man dropped the bottle and took off in the direction he came without a second glance towards Olivia or the man he had cut.

Olivia stood there for a moment, shaking both from the chill of the December air and the shock of what had just happened.

The bleeding man beside her yelled several curse words in Spanish as he clutched his bleeding arm, making Olivia turn towards him, her whole body trembling.

"Are you... Are you alright?" she asked, wiping away her tears.

The man took a deep breath, more to calm his nerves than anything else, before he answered. "I'll be fine... You?"

Olivia opened and closed her mouth several times, trying to find the strength in her to tell him that she was fine but she just couldn't find the strength and finally she just shook her head no.

His face fell, sadness replacing the anger at the man who had more than likely scarred him and he reached out to put a hand on her shoulder but she took a step back, closing her eyes as two tears leaked out from behind her closed lids.

"Do you need a ride home or to the hospital?" he asked gently.

Another head shake.

"I- I live two blocks over," she told him wiping her eyes. "Andrews Hall at the Sienna campus."

"Yeah I- I know where that is. Do you... Do you want me to walk you home?"

She wanted to tell him no but at the same time, she was terrified of running into Taylor again so she just nodded and the two began walking towards her campus.

"I think I saw you at the Halloween party," he tried after a few moments of awkward silence. "You were the one who thought the guy was drugging that girl."

Her eyes flashed over to him for a moment before she lowered her head to look at the sidewalk.

The hero pursed his lips for a moment before he stowed his own hands in his pocket. "I thought what you did was brave," he told her, earning another brief look from her. "I wish more people had the balls to stop that ind of thing. Even if it wasn't really happening."

Olivia didn't answer him and instead just continued walking beside the short man.

Finally after a long moment Olivia spoke to the man, just to relieve some of the silence.

"Do you go to Sienna?"

"No I was just up here visiting my... My friend. I actually go to NYU but I'm going to Harvard in the fall."

Olivia raised her brow at the stranger as they turned onto the block where her campus was. "What's your friends name?"

"Jon Carson," answered the stranger.

"Did you know he's gay?"

"I-... Yes?"

"Did you know that me and him had an English project together and he told me that he was dating a guy that fits your description to a T?"

The man said nothing just looked down at the ground until Olivia nudged him gently with her elbow. "I don't care ya know," she told him. "You don't have to be embarrassed."

"I'm not," he told her. "Its just... nowadays some people are terrified to even breathe the same air as... as someone like me. All because of that stupid 'gay cancer' that's spreading. I don't have it!" he reassured her quickly, scared that she would run as fast and as far as she could away from him, suddenly very aware of the heavily bleeding cut on his arm. "I don't, I promise. Neither does Jon."

Olivia just shrugged and continued to walk beside him as they made their way up the pathway to her dorm. "Some people are idiots."

The man gave her a shy smile before he looked down at the ground. This woman was the first straight person it seemed who didn't want to sprint in the other direction when they found out he was gay. That disease, whatever it was, wasn't just killing gay men at an overwhelmingly alarming rate, but it was making straight people terrified to even walk near a gay person for fear they might catch it.

It's what made the brown eyed man go back into the closet he had been so boldly out of for several years.

If this woman was scared she didn't show it, and he'd never be able to thank her for that.

Maybe when they found a cure, which he was positive was on the horizon, he could come back out of the closet one day...

The two reached the building and Olivia cleared her throat when they stopped in front of the doors.

"I um... I just wanted to thank you," she told him as she leaned against the glass doors. "You saved my life tonight."

"Anyone else would have done the same," he told her with a kind smile.

Olivia let out a sad chuckle and shook her head. "I don't think so."

The two people smiled at one another for a moment before the two strangers hugged and Olivia felt tears well in her eyes as she laid her head on his shoulder.

It wasn't tears of grief or sorrow, but the fact that for the first time in months someone, a man nonetheless, had touched her and she didn't want to jump out of her skin or flashback to her assault. It was a small simple hug that made her actually feel better.

Maybe she could be alright...

They released the hug, gave one another one last smile and Olivia turned to go inside while the hero turned to walk back to his own dorm halfway across the city. He had only taken a few steps when he suddenly turned back around.

"I never got your name!" he cried out, but she was already inside the building.

The man just looked at the spot where the girl he saved before he turned and headed back down the path.

 _Oh well_ , he thought. _It's not like me and her will ever see each other again..._

 **PRESENT DAY**

"200 body cameras, 400 spare batteries, 25 camera glasses, and 25 hat cameras," Barba told Olivia with a sigh.

The ADA and Lieutenant had been working together the rest of the day with no further interruptions from Taylor or anyone else for that matter.

"You double counted?" asked Olivia, marking down the numbers from the items she had counted.

"Twice," he told her sliding down the wall to sit next to her on the concrete ground.

Olivia marked down his numbers and signed her name next to them before turning towards the man next to her.

"Thank you," she told him. "For helping me with this, I know you must have had a hundred different things to do today."

"It's fine, Liv," he told her with a tired smile. "You didn't deserve to be down here doing this all by yourself just because this Taylor guy has a hard on for you."

Olivia paused for a moment and looked down at the ground. "Yeah... Yeah he does."

Barbas face fell as he looked at her. "Liv?" he said, waiting until she looked up at him before he continued. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," she told him with an unconvincing shake of her head. "I'm-."

"Fine," he finished her mantra for her. "I know, you always are. But this time you're not."

"Leave it alone, Barba," she told him a bit more snippier than she had intended as she stood up from the floor.

"No. Alright; I wanna know what's going on with you," Barba answered as he too stood up from the floor.

"Why can't I just be upset that my command was taken away from me?"

"Because you've had it taken away from you before and you didn't act like this." After a beat he added. "You're scaring me, Liv."

When she didn't respond he rubbed her shoulder as comforting as he knew how. "Look, lemme take you to get a bite to eat, we can have a few drinks afterwards, you can tell me what's going on."

"I can't," she told him. "Tucker has dinner planned and I just wanna go home and be with Noah."

Barba sighed as he followed Olivia upstairs and to her desk where she pulled on her jacket and grabbed her purse.

"I'll see you tomorrow," she told him before heading out of the bullpen with him looking after her.

…

"Mommy!"

Olivia smiled as Noah ran over to her and hugged her around the legs.

"Hey, my sweet boy," she greeted happily as she picked him up and kissed him on the forehead.

Tucker came out of Noah's bedroom and walked over to her, giving her a quick kiss. "How far did you get with your inventory?"

"Almost done with the second page," she told him as they made their way to her couch. "Barba came over and helped me."

"Good. You have any more trouble with Taylor?"

Olivia pursed her lips for a moment before she shook her head. "No. He mostly left me alone for the day."

Tucker looked at her for a moment, seeing through the lie as clear as day. He debated arguing with her but at the same time he knew how hard her day had been so he decided just to leave it alone.

"Good... I'm talking with 1PP tomorrow, I'm gonna try to get him transferred."

"Or me."

"You?"

Olivia nodded, kissing the top of Noah's head before she set him down. "Yeah. Temporarily."

Tucker looked at her for a moment. He never thought he would ever hear her voluntarily offer to be transferred out of SVU. Next to Noah, and, hopefully, one day him, SVU was her life. She loved her job, she loved her squad, she loved her unit...

When Olivia arrived home after being transferred to Community Affairs it was the first time he saw her cry. She hated that she lost her job, she vowed to do whatever it took short of breaking up with Tucker to get it back.

Now she was freely offering to transfer out of SVU just to get away from Taylor.

There was so much more going on between them. There had to have been. Now he just needed a way to get it out of her...

Deciding not to push her any further, Tucker just nodded. "Okay... I'll keep that in mind." You cleared his throat before he continued. "You in the mood for anything specific for dinner?"

"I'm fine, me and Barba went out to dinner before I came home. I'm sorry."

"No problem. I'll just whip up some sandwiches for me and Noah."

Olivia just gave him a half hearted smile before she went over and kneeled next to Noah to play with him.

…

"And this one?"

Carisi bit his lip as Barba kissed the now faded white scar on his chest as the two laid in the ADAs bed together.

"Fight with a drunk my rookie year," the young Italian told his boyfriend. "Never bring a gun to a knife fight."

Barba moved his kisses lower, placing his lips right over another more visible scar on Carisi's well defined abs. "What about this one?"

Carisi groaned softly, rolling his hips as he spoke. "Got jumped by a few assholes my junior year of high school. Apparently you don't bring a dungeons and dragons character sheet to a boot party either."

"Mmm, my poor little _cariño_ ..." said Barba, placing his lips against Carisi's skin again. "You've gotten so hurt so many times."

"You got a few marks yourself there, counselor," Carisi told him, running a hand up his arm and tracing the long white scar on the ADAs arm. "Where'd you get this from?"

Barba chuckled as he looked up into Carisis eyes. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Try me."

Barba laid one final kiss to Carisi's stomach before he moved up the bed, laying down next to the detective. "If you must know... I was walking home from visiting my boyfriend, and this guy had this girl pinned against the wall that obviously didn't wanna be pinned. I ran over, yelling at him to stop and he cut me with a beer bottle he had in his hand."

"Holy shit," Carisi muttered. "You probably saved that girls life. What happened to her?"

"I don't know," Barba answered truthfully. "We never even told each other our names. I walked her back to her dorm and I never heard from her again. But see what you don't remember is back then in the eighties, no one knew anything about AIDS except 'gay people and drug addicts get it.' So if you were gay much less gay and were bleeding, straight people were terrified to even be in the same room with you. This girl didn't even blink an eye though." He chuckled sadly, nuzzling up closer to Carisi who wrapped his arms around him. "I think she made me feel safer than I made her feel."

Carisi kissed the top of his head and leaned back into the pillow. "I wonder where she is now."

Barba shrugged again.

"Hopefully somewhere far away from the asshole that tried to hurt her..."

 **Please Review**


	10. Chapter 10

I own no one but my own people

 **1985**

BAM!

Olivia quickly sat up from a sound sleep in her old bed at her mothers apartment as the sound of her bedroom door slamming open woke her, her head instantly pounding from her escapades last night.

The last winter break Olivia elected to stay in her sorority house instead of go home for the holidays, only going back home on Christmas day to share dinner and exchange gifts with Serena. She was back on her campus not even ten minutes after dessert.

This year though she couldn't stand being on campus. She would rather just get through the two weeks with her mother than be at an almost abandoned campus knowing she could run into Taylor at any moment. She couldn't handle anything anymore to be honest...

The night Taylor cornered her outside the wall and the man saved her, she knew if she slept she would have nightmares. She could feel it. So instead of going back to her dorm and going to sleep she went out with the idea to get some sleeping pills. On her way to a drugstore she passed a bar that was known to Sienna students as being less that diligent when it came to identification. It wasn't crowded, only a handful of people in there and the scents of the liquors almost overwhelmed her but at the same time she felt drawn to it like a moth to the flame.

She went in, ordered a beer, and that was that...

The first time after her rape that she got drunk, she had never felt happier. She actually forgot what he did to her for a moment, she could relax and not be terrified every moment that every man that looked at her too long was planning to assault her.

Even the next morning when Olivia spent most of her day alternating between laying in bed and kneeling in front of the bathroom stalls, she was grateful for the temporary relief the wine had given her. She understood why her mother got so drunk all the time.

If she had to choose between having her life consumed by the memories of her rapist and consumed by alcohol? She would choose alcohol. Every time.

Olivia got drunk every night between the night she had been almost attacked again and the few days she had been with Serena. Thankfully Serena, a much more experienced alcoholic, went out earlier, got home later, and stayed passed out longer so Olivia could appear like she was just miserable instead of miserable and hungover.

But last night she found out that she was out of money and her mother was already gone for the night so stealing it was out of the question. So, rather than go without, she snuck a bottle of her mothers wine.

The wine was mostly there when she had her fellow colleagues over so it wasn't like vodka where Olivia could probably drink 5 bottles of the half drank bottles her mother forgot she had around the house but after nineteen years of smelling the stale clear liquor being too close to it made Olivia's stomach turn, not to mention she saw what it did to her mother not to mention it was far too strong for her to drink, even when it was mixed with something. Short of someone holding her mouth open and pouring it down her throat she swore she'd never get drunk on vodka.

Last night she had finished not one but two bottles of wine and not only did she prefer the taste a hundred times to beer, she could have sworn it got her drunk faster.

Olivia thought there was no way her mother would notice. Serena rarely drank wine so Olivia put the bottles where she, in her intoxicated mind, thought wine went; in the fridge.

But when saw her mother storm over to her, two empty bottles in her hand, she knew she found out.

Olivia barely had time to open her eyes when she felt the familiar sharp sting against her cheek, Serena's nails adding a sting to the slap.

"What are you-?!" But before Olivia could finish Serena slapped her outside her head, making the young girl cry out and try to cover her head from the repeated blows her mother was punishing her with.

"Stop!" Olivia cried after one particularly hard slap. Even after all these years, all the slaps, all the beatings, she still couldn't find it in her heart to hit her back. "What are you doing?!"

Serena slapped her again before she grabbed her daughters face and yanked her to look at her. Her green eyes were blood shot and the older woman reeked of her drink of choice, vodka.

"Did you steal from me and get drunk?!" Serena screamed at Olivia, her usually deep voice higher and screechier, the same it got every time the blonde got drunk and angry. When Olivia didn't answer Serena shoved the empty bottle at her. "Did you steal from me?!" she screeched again, her grip on her daughters cheeks tightening.

"Yes!" Olivia sobbed. "Yes, I did! Please stop!"

"Why?!" A beat before another hard slap. "WHY?!"

"I want- I wanted to get drunk! I didn't have enough money to go out, I- I didn't think you'd notice, I'm sorry!"

Serena pulled her arm back to slap her again but Olivia ducked, making Serena stumble and crash to the floor. Olivia jumped out of the bed and sprinted out of the room, knowing all too well how violent Serena got after she fell or dropped something when she was drunk. But the moment Olivia stepped outside the room she heard something that made her stop in her tracks.

A hysterical sob come from her drunk mother.

Olivia flattened herself against the wall, tears welling in her eyes as she heard her mother sob. Her heart slammed against her chest as she debated what to do. On one hand she could run out of the apartment and go to her old standby when her mother got particularity violent or angry when she was drunk; a battered women and children shelter just two blocks down from her apartment.

On the other... She never saw her mother outwardly sob when she was drunk before, especially not when Olivia had 'caused' whatever it was to make her angry.

She had just thinking to save herself the pain and heartache and go over to the shelter when she heard her mothers words through the body wracking sobs.

"You weren't supposed to be like me!"

The brunette swallowed hard as she stood there against the wall out of her sobbing mothers view as Serena continued.

"You- you weren't supposed to do this! Olivia! You- you're not supposed to be like me!"

Slowly as to not frighten her mother Olivia walked back into her room, her heart breaking at the sight in front of her.

Serena was on the floor curled into a ball and clutching one of the wine bottles close to her body, her body shaking from the sobs.

"...Mom?" said Olivia softly letting the older woman know she was back in the room as she walked closer to her. "Mom, I'm sorry," she told her mother as she kneeled down beside her. "I'll replace the wine, I swear."

"It's not about the wine!" she slurred through her sobs. "I don't give a shit about the fucking WINE!"

As if to prove her point, Serena managed to get to a kneeling position and chucked the bottle as hard as she could, making Olivia cry out as it landed with a crash against her wall and shattered.

Serena looked over at her daughter and the teenager couldn't help the new batch of tears that started to stream down her face.

Maybe because she hadn't seen her mother in this drunk a state in a while but she looked particularly bad this morning. Her usually well kept hair was a rats nest and went every direction, her green eyes were blood shot, her makeup was smeared and streaked and Olivia couldn't help but notice that Serena wasn't even 40 yet but she just looked so tired...

"I never loved you," Serena told her daughter. Any other person would break down in tears at their mother confessing that but Olivia had heard it enough times that at this point she may have been telling her about the weather.

"I-... I never loved you... But I didn't want this," she slurred to the point Olivia almost didn't understand her. "You weren't supposed-... You were supposed to learn from me."

Olivia closed her eyes as more tears ran down her face.

Another desperate sob as Serena clutched Olivia's shirt. Her next words were almost pleading.

"You were doing so well! Now- now you- you're kicked out of school-."

"I'm just on academic probation," Olivia muttered.

"You're one failing grade from getting kicked out!" Serena barked, making her daughter flinch. "And you-... You're a drunk! You're acting exactly like me!"

"I'm not-... You're being really unfair!" Olivia cried. "You spent my entire life drunk because of what happened to you and now you're gonna yell at me for doing the same thing you do?!"

"Yes! You were supposed to learn from me, Olivia, not- not do the same thing! You're not supposed to let him win!"

"He's not winning anything!"

"Yes he is! He is making you drink and throw your goddamn life away because of what he did!"

Serena let out another sob and clutched onto Olivia's arm as tight as she could, her words desperate. "You can't let him win, Olivia, you can't! Please! You- you don't deserve this! You don't deserve to be like me!" She grabbed hold of her face again to look at her, ignoring the cry Olivia gave when Serena's nails dug into her face. "Promise me you won't let him ruin your life!"

"You're hurting me!"

"Promise!"

"Alright! Alright, I promise! Just please stop!"

Serena looked at Olivia for a moment before she broke out into another sob and wrapped her arms tight around her daughter. Olivia bit back her own cries as she hugged Serena back, and, like so many times before, ignoring the pain her mother had caused her.

 **PRESENT DAY**

"Chief Dodds?"

Dodds looked up from the paperwork on his desk when he heard his name and saw his secretary standing in his doorway.

"There's a Captain Tucker from IAB here to see you, he said it's about Lieutenant Benson."

The chief groaned as he leaned back in his chair. Ever since Tucker and Benson started dating there had been nothing but headaches for the chief.

Dodds had never felt any sort of calling or desire to work with SVU. Truth be told, he always found the SVU Detectives who stayed longer than it took to get promoted odd. That was the only reason why he had taken the job after he got his Deputy Chief rank, to get some experience and move on when he became an Assistant Chief, same thing he encouraged his son to do which is why he pushed Mike to volunteer to transfer. He was moved by the victims of these kinds of crimes and the stats horrified him of course, but it didn't move him the way it did Benson.

That was why he was always so hard on her. As much as she hated it, she would keep rising in the ranks and, like the stubborn son of a bitch she was, she would want to stay SVU that entire career. That would eventually include taking his job and overseeing all of NYCs Sex Crimes. He needed to make sure she was perfect in every area she could be, he needed to give her an edge that she wouldn't have over the more politically savvy officers vying for this position. Olivia wouldn't play politics to get ahead so she had to be perfect in the rest of the areas they looked at.

Now though; Tucker was ruining her chances. He had gotten her transferred, and now he was responsible for her losing her leadership role, all because they wanted to sleep together. Not to mention he was IAB and like most cops Dodds couldn't stand them. Plus, although he would never admit this to anyone, there was the slightest bit of jealousy where Olivia's love life was concerned...

"Do you want me to tell him you're busy?" his secretary asked.

"No no, send him in," Dodds said with a sigh as he closed the file he was working on. He waited impatiently as he waited for Tucker to walk in with a file under his arm.

"Chief Dodds," Tucker greeted with a head nod as he shut the door behind him.

"Captain Tucker," Dodds responded as he stood up and held out his hand and Tucker replying with a firm handshake before they sat down across from one another. "So what can I help you with? My secretary said you wanted to talk about Olivia?"

"You need to transfer Ben Taylor out of her unit," said Tucker bluntly. He wasn't one for beating around the bush, not where Olivia was concerned at least.

Dodds stared at him for a moment before he spoke. "...You realize that 1PP told her to stand down so she can prove that you two can be partial right? Now you're here in my office trying to get a favor for her and get her back in a leadership role?"

"It's not about her leading the squad, she doesn't care if she's in charge or not," Tucker clarified. "She said she didn't even mind transferring to another department, she just doesn't wanna work around Taylor and after the way I saw him treat her the other day I don't blame her."

"Why, what did you see?"

"He called her in in the middle of the night despite the other detectives being available, he made her do inventory, something we both know a lieutenant shouldn't be doing, he ordered her to call him 'sir'..."

Dodds raised his brow at the man sitting before him. "You want me to transfer a Captain because he told a lower ranking officer to call him sir, do inventory and put her on a night shift? Gee, I wonder why they made you two prove that you both can be independent."

"You know as well as I do Lieutenants shouldn't be doing those things, Dodds. Not to mention he made disrespectful comments about her weight in front of me and other officers in the precinct.

"... Her weight?"

" 'Your girlfriend could afford to skip the donuts a few times a week'," Tucker spat the comment back to him, feeling the same fire rise up in him when he repeated it back as when he heard it the first time.

Dodds sighed as he rubbed his temples as he registered the information. "Look, as cruel as that is, unless she files a report I can't do anything about that. Nor can I transfer a Captain because he told a Lieutenant to do a task."

Tucker bit his lip for a moment before he continued, telling him what Olivia told him last night.

"She... she doesn't care if he's transferred. She's willing to be transferred as well."

"I already told her too many transfers will look bad on her file."

"She doesn't care, Dodds. That's how much she's willing to get away from this guy. Okay look; I talked to some of his detectives in white collar. No official complaints but a lot of whispers about how he treated his female detectives, how he would harass them, how he'd be way too touchy feely... I think he's doing that to Liv."

"Rumors, Tucker. I can't do anything with rumors," Dodds told him. "Plus do you really think she's gonna be happy with you if I tell her you came her e trying to argue on her behalf?

"That's the thing, Dodds, she ASKED me to come fight for her. You don't see how she's changed," Tucker argued, "I don't know what he did to her or what he's saying to her, but something about him is really affecting her."

"She's affected because she lost her command,"the Chief said.

"It's more than that though. A lot more. It's... I don't know, but I don't trust him with her."

Dodds sighed as he looked at the IAB agent for a moment. "If I transfer him, 1PP will see that as you fighting for her and that could really hurt her chances of getting back her command."

Tucker shook his head as he stood up with Dodds following.

"I'm sorry, Tucker but I'm looking out for her."

"Well you're doing a really shitty job," the IAB Captain barked at him before he stormed out of the office.

Tucker was so upset at Dodds that as he made his way back to his own office on the third floor he didn't even stop to apologize to the person that ran into him until they called his name.

The blue eyed man turned around and saw Barba standing there.

"What are you doing at 1PP?" asked Tucker.

"Looking for you actually," said Barba as the two men shook hands. "It's about Olivia."

Tucker nodded towards his office and the two men made their way inside his office.

Barba sat on the opposite side of the desk as Tucker sat across from him.

"What's going on?" asked Tucker, although he already had a fairly good idea why his girlfriends best friend was there.

"You know she has a new commander right?"

"Yeah, the prick," he muttered.

Barbas face darkened. "Good to know you don't like him either..."

"Hes treating her like some rookie, he made comments about her appearance, she got drunk the other night because of him... I can't stand him."

Barba bit his lip for a moment before he spoke. "I... think there's something more."

He narrowed his blue eyes for a moment. "More? What do you mean 'more'?

"The other day I went down to the basement to let her know me and Carisi were back and he was standing close to her and she just looked... Like... it reminded me of when she saw Lewis in the court room."

Tucker leaned back in his chair. "Uh huh..."

"Then when they were discussing the case he just... I don't know but I didn't like it. He was trying to control her and he was openly disrespecting her in front of her squad and he was just... I didn't like how he was treating her, Tucker. He wouldn't even let any of the squad help her with the inventory."

Tucker sighed and shook his head, nodding towards the notepad on his desk. "Same story that his old detectives told in white collar told me. It's not the first time he's done this."

"It's different though. She isn't fighting back really, it's almost like she's scared of him Tucker and I don't know why."

"I don't know, either" Tucker told him. "But I told Dodds to transfer him and he blew me off. She even offered to transfer out of SVU."

"SHE offered to transfer out?"

"Yeah. She wants to get away from this guy that badly."

Barba sighed and shook his head. "I wish I never told 1PP about you two. This never would have happened."

Tucker stayed silent and didn't offer a response. Being IAB for over twenty years he knew that Barba did what he had to do, and he would have encouraged anyone else to do the same but it would have been a lie if he said that it didn't still sting a bit.

The brown eyed lawyer looked up at Tucker for a moment. "We have to find out whats going on, Tucker. Livs my best friend, it makes me mad anytime I even think about her being near this guy."

"I know how 16 p feel," said Tucker, glancing at the photo on his desk of Olivia and Noah playing in Central Park. "But what can we do? I already went to Dodds and he's no help."

"Then we go over Dodds head," Barba told him with an assurance in his voice. "We do something, we confront Taylor, we confront her, we do SOMETHING. Agreed?"

Tucker looked at him for a moment, brown eyes staring into blue before he gave the ADA a curt nod. "Agreed."

 **Please Review**


	11. Chapter 11

**I own no one but my own people**

 **1986**

"I'm very disappointed in you all. These test grades were horrible."  
Olivia groaned along with the rest of her class as their gender inequality professor handed back their tests. "Only three of you got above 75," he told them as he made his way down the row Olivia was sitting in. "To those that did, I'm very proud of you. To the rest, I KNOW you can do better than this."

The brunette teenager waited patiently for her test, expecting to find a mediocrity grade on top of it but instead he just stopped at her desk.

"I need to see you after class, Olivia," he told her before continuing to hand back the tests, excluding her own.

Her heart began pounding hard against her ribs. This didn't make any sense, she had studied hard for this test. Why would he need to talk to her?

After Christmas break and her mothers drunken breakdown, Olivia dedicated herself to trying to win back the part of her life that Taylor had stolen from her. She couldn't lie, it helped immensely that she no longer had to worry about running into him every time she left her room, not to mention the joke about her actions at the Halloween party had worn paper thin and the only person to mention it anymore was this homely girl named Lisa but it had gotten to the point where even Lisa's friends were telling her to give it a rest when she rehashed the same joke every time she saw Olivia.

The soccer team too had forgot the rumor that Ben shared with them and although she preferred if she wasn't simply chalked up to a notch in their locker room wall, at least she was no longer harassed. Slowly but surely her life was getting back to normal. Her nightmares were few and far between, she was eating again, her grades had picked up... Most importantly she had stopped drinking.

Her mother had showed restraint during her break and had gone to the lengths of hiding her bottles of vodka, not that Olivia didn't know where the hiding places was at this point but it was the thought that countered, and didn't bring another bottle of wine into the apartment the whole rest of the time she was there.

Serena would force herself to appear more sober than she was for the few weeks Olivia lived there again, trying to talk to her daughter more instead of being hungover in bed half the day and would go to the bar later in the night so she could eat dinners with her.

While it was nice while it lasted, Olivia could notice her mothers hands trembling every night she went to the bar later and couldn't help notice the look of relief when Olivia hugged her goodbye before she got into the cab, nor did she miss the fact that when Olivia looked back Serena was already halfway down the block heading towards her favorite bar instead of back inside the apartment.

Often she wondered if maybe, just maybe, her life could actually get back on track after what he did to her.

 _Apparently not_ she thought with a sigh as the professor walked back to the head of the classroom.

Professor Sean Locksley wasn't only one of the more popular Sociology professors at Sienna but he was one of the only professors to not only notice her change last semester but would ask several times what was the matter with her even when other professors had given up on trying to help.

"To the three students who did get a 75 or below, I'm feeling merciful today. I want a two page essay, typewritten, double spaced, on the content covered in the last 2 chapters using only the text book as a source. I told you from the first day, you can't just take notes, you have to actually read the book to pass. You do the paper, I'll bump you up a letter grade. To the three students that did well, you're welcome to do the assignment and it will be a 10 point bonus on your next test. Have a good afternoon."

Olivia waited until the rest of the class had gone before she approached Sean, trying her best to control her nerves.

"Sir, I DID study," she told him, unable to help the trembling in her voice. "I know you use the books as a majority of your test content, I swear I read it."

"Calm down, Olivia," he said holding up a hand to silence her. "You're not in trouble, I just wanted to talk."

Sean sat on the edge of the table at the head of the classroom, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "So... I noticed you're starting to become your old self again. You're showing up for class, you're participating in class discussions, I've seen you in the cafeteria eating with someone instead of by yourself."

"My new roommate, Rita. She's... very blunt," Olivia explained using the nicest word possible for the red headed pre-law student.

Sean nodded before he held up her test with the back facing her. "I also noticed something about your grades..."

"I swear I'm trying," she assured him once more. "Sir, I can't-."

"What I noticed..." he interrupted his student before handing her the test. "Was that you're getting back to your old self regarding test scores as well."

Olivia looked at him in confusion for a moment before she flipped the test over, gasping when she saw a large "92" written in the upper right corner.

"There were three students that did well this test. You were one of them," said Sean with a smile as he watched his students eyes lit up.

Olivia grinned as she looked up from the paper. "You're serious? I passed?"

He chuckled and nodded. "Yes. Now I don't know what led to that funk you were in the last few months, I respect your right not to tell me, and I'm not sure what led to your recovery but whatever you're doing, keep it up. Don't fall back to the person that whatever or whoever turned you into."

Olivia couldn't help the teary smile that appeared on her face. "Believe me... I won't."

 **PRESENT DAY**

" _And then Belle told the Beast 'Hey; Buffalo Boy... You kept me locked up for months, you screamed at me several times, and you didn't let me see my father. That's a VERY unhealthy relationship and neither you or Gaston deserves my love.' So then Belle left the castle, moved to Paris and opened up the most successful bookstore in all of France. While she eventually found an amazing caring loving Prince who treated her like his equal and loved her the way she deserved, she was perfectly content to be single until she found him. The end._ "

Amanda shut the book she was using only for the pictures and kissed the top of Jesse's head. "Ya like that, baby girl?"

The 4 and a half month old just looked up at her mother with a sniffle and a slight cough.

"Exactly."

Because Amanda couldn't afford a professionally trained nanny like her boss could, she had been forced to place Jesse in a daycare, which had actually been recommended by Lucy. One of her classmates in her childhood development class opened an at home center and it wasn't even a fifteen minute walk from Amanda's apartment, it was a legitimate daycare center and staffed with a well trained staff.

But because it was crowded with other small children, there had been a cold going around the daycare that, unfortunately, Jesse had caught.

The small girl had been crying and whining, coughing and sniffing since she got her home. A warm bath and some infant Tylenol along with some cuddles from mom and a story had calmed her down but Amanda knew it was only a matter of time until the tears and sniffling came back,

There was a knock on the door and Amanda narrowed her eyes in confusion as she looked at her watch, telling a now barking Frannie to quiet down.

It was almost nine PM, who would be here at this hour? Carisi knew not to come over this close to Jesse's bedtime and he was really the only person from work who would show up unannounced, usually with a bag of groceries from the Italian market near his apartment.

Amanda carried Jesse over to the door and looked through the peephole, relieved to find someone she knew but at the same time her confusion mounted.

Why would Captain Taylor want to visit her this late at night?

"Hello Amanda," Taylor greeted kindly as she opened the door. "How are- you have a baby."

Amanda looked down at Jesse who appeared rather unimpressed with their house guest before she turned back to him. "I didn't mention that?"

"Uh no. No you didn't."

"Oh... Well this is Jesse. Jesse, this is Captain Taylor."

"Hi, Jesse," Taylor told the young baby. "How you doing?"

A sneeze was her only answer.

"Sorry about the mess," Amanda apologized moving out of the way and shutting the door behind him. "I haven't really had a chance to clean up and now she's fighting a cold..." she informed him as she walked back over to the couch and grabbed a tissue to wipe her daughters nose. "If I had known you were coming I would have cleaned up some."

"You're fine," Taylor told her as he stood in the living room with his hands in his coat pocket, grabbing the tiny bag with two pills inside it to make sure it was still there. "Besides if you knew I was coming, it would have spoiled the surprise element."

Amanda couldn't help the shy smile that grew on her lips as she shifted Jesse to her other arm. "Well I do love surprises..."

"I figured," he told her with a slight smirk.

Another shy smile. "You can take a seat if you want, I'm just gonna go lay her down. Hopefully she sleeps a bit."

"Thank you," Taylor said before he sat down in the middle of the couch so Amanda would be forced to sit beside him or sit in the chair far away from the couch.

Amanda headed into Jesse's bedroom with Frannie on her heels and Taylor's polite smile fell and he groaned softly. God he hated babies. His fourth girl had a baby in the next room who screamed and cried so loud when his mother was unable to go to him that a neighbor had actually interrupted them to find out what was wrong with the baby.

Hopefully though this one would be more quiet then the last one...

A few minutes later Amanda walked back out sans Jesse and Frannie and hesitated just for a moment before she sat down beside him, pulling her knees up under her.

"So any particular reason why you wanted to stop by, Captain?" she asked pushing a piece of blonde hair behind her ear.

"Not particularly, just wanted to come by, talk a little bit. Hasn't Lieutenant Benson ever just stopped by to chat?"

"Um, no, she-... Like I said, we aren't really all that chummy."

"Well I think she's missing out," Taylor told her. "I think you're a very interesting and intelligent person, Amanda."

A slight blush rose on her cheeks and Taylor chuckled. "I'm sorry, that was inappropriate."

"No no you're fine," she assured him, although in the back of her mind a very familiar type of conversation she had with another captain in Atlanta was beginning to replay itself...

Taylor smiled at her before he continued.

"You ARE intelligent and interesting though. Very intelligent from what I've gathered, not to mention what I read in your file."

"You read my file?" she asked.

"Of course I did. BA in criminology from the University of Georgia, a very good school as I understand. Far better than say a school like Sienna and criminology is a FAR more rigorous major than something like sociology or criminal justice."

Knowing that her lieutenant not only went to Sienna but also double majored in both sociology and criminal justice Amanda just didn't respond, knowing the double meanings of his words.

"Why haven't you applied to take the Sergeants exam?" he asked.

"I've only been a detective for 6 years, only 5 in NY," she explained.

Taylor shrugged. "So? You're supposed to be a sergeant for five years before you're a lieutenant yet Benson was a lieutenant in two."

"Yeah but she's... Olivia," Amanda said as if that explained everything. "She was 48 out of 8,000 on her sergeants exam, 23 out of 5,000 on her lieutenants, she's been in the same unit for twenty years, her arrest record is-."

"You could get 40 out of 9,000 on the sergeants and 20 out of 6,000 on the lieutenants," he interrupted her. "You're smarter than her, you're more competent than her, and even in these past days you've demonstrated more leadership skills than her."

The blonde rolled her eyes to the ceiling thinking he was joking but when she looked back she saw that he was dead serious.

"I'm being honest, Amanda, you sign up to take the sergeants exam and you pass, I know a few people at 1PP who's over the drama that's been following Benson for the past 20 years. I could get you in charge of the 1-6."

Amanda's eyes went wide as she stared at him, for sure thinking that this was a joke. But when he maintained a straight face she forced herself to speak. "You... you're serious..."

"Say the word and you're in instead of her."

The blonde opened her mouth to speak before she closed it, electing to just clear her throat instead. "Why don't we worry about staging a mutiny a little on down the road?" she finally told him with a smile that didn't quite reach the corner of her mouth.

Another chuckle. "Deal. So, do you want a drink?"

Without waiting for a response he got up and went to her kitchen. "Sure. Glasses are in the corner cabinet, and there's a pitcher of sweet tea in the fridge."

"Come on, Amanda, just sweet tea?" he asked as he got out two glasses. "A southern girl like you doesn't have a bottle of whiskey around?"

"Can't drink. Breastfeeding," she explained.

Taylor hesitated for a moment before he opened the fridge and got out the pitcher of tea. Without the excuse of alcohol it was almost impossible to explain the blackout they experienced not to mention that it was a little harder to mask the taste of the pills without the taste of alcohol.

He had once slipped his pills into a designated drivers soda and he tried to sell her on the idea that she had hit her head and he had taken care of her but she saw right through that so he did the only thing he could do; put a gun to her head, told her he was a cop and that no one would believe what happened and if she DID tell he would track her down and shoot her.

That's just what he would have to do with Amanda if she didn't fall for the head busting story...

He turned his back on her so that she couldn't see what he was doing and grabbed the pills out of his pocket.

"So which do you like better, Atlanta or Manhattan?" he asked for the sole purpose of covering up the sound of the pills being dropped into the cup.

"Manhattan," she told him as he poured them tea and made his way back to the couch and handed her her tea. "It's just so much more exciting, fun, I love my friends a lot more up here than I do back in Atlanta."

"That's good. Not to mention the pizza is a lot better."

"That too," she laughed as he raised his glass.

"To Manhattan pizza."

Amanda raised her glass as well. "To Manhattan pizza."

Taylor took a drink of his own tea, watching closely as she took a drink out of hers, smacking her lips some.

"Something the matter?" he asked as she set his own glass down.

Amanda said nothing and instead just took a tiny sip, smacking her lips again. "Nah it's fine," she told him as she set the tea glass down. "I just need to remember to add a bit more sugar next time."

"I hear that taste buds can change a bit during pregnancy," he told her as he took another sip and licked his lips. "Tastes fine to me."

The blonde frowned at the glass for a moment before she raised it to her lips again and started to take another sip.

Just as quickly there was a loud cough followed by a rather croupy cry coming from the nursery.

Amanda set her glass down on the coffee table. "I'm sorry I gotta go check on her," she apologized. "Also you might wanna get your feet up because Frannie-."

But before she could finish the yellow dog that had been with the blonde since before she left Atlanta she ran out the room where she slept since Amanda brought Jesse home, slamming into the coffee table and knocking over Amanda's tea and spilling it into Taylor's lap.

"Goddammit!" Taylor barked as Frannie sprinted back into Jesse's room, reappearing seconds later, whining and looking at Amanda as Jesse continued to cry.

Jesse's puppy was crying and it was job to make her puppy feel better. The only way she knew how to do that was to get her master and honestly she couldn't understand why her owner wasn't sprinting as fast as she was to make her puppy happy.

"I am SO sorry," Amanda said quickly as Taylor stood up, wiping the spilled tea off of him. "Here lemme get a towel."

Taylor said nothing, just curled his hands into fists as he glared at the dog that was still running in and out of her daughters room. He could have cared less that something spilled on him, but Amanda hadn't drank enough of her tea to knock her out.

He could take her by force. She had drank enough so that she couldn't fight back too hard but she would have been his first he had that way and he always planned to have someone as his first he fucked that way...

He took a deep breath, unclenching his fists before he spoke. "It's fine, don't worry about it. Go check on your baby, she sounds kinda croupy."

Amanda grabbed a dish towel and handed it to him.

"I'll be right back, Captain, I promise."

He said nothing as she went into Jesse's room with Frannie running ahead of her. Taylor sighed as he wiped the drugged tea off of his pants and flopped back down on the couch.

A minute or so later Amanda came back out with a crying Jesse with a runny nose and, he noticed with annoyance, a bit less of a kick in her step.

"Captain, I'm sorry but she's running a little fever and I don't know why but I just got real tired all of a sudden. I'll see you tomorrow?"

Taylor faked a smile and nodded as he stood up, hiding the fact he was infuriated knowing that if she had drank all of the tea, she would have been passed out on the floor and ready to go already.

"Of course. Take care, Amanda."

Without another word Taylor turned and left the apartment.

…

Olivia sighed as she hung up the phone on a retired officer who had last signed for a taser he never returned, this time choosing to call from her desk in a semi crowded precinct instead of spending her time in an empty basement where Taylor could come down and assault her again at any moment.

Her stomach grumbled slightly but she ignored it, instead choosing to just take another sip of her morning coffee made with splenda instead of sugar like she normally took it.

She tried not to let his comments get to her, she tried to tell herself that she still looked just as good now as she did when she was in her forties, but Taylor's words stung her, especially since he said it in front of her boyfriend who even at 55 was the fittest man she ever knew. Tucker always told her she was beautiful, that she was perfect, that she was sexy, that she had an amazing body, and she believed him.

Until Taylor made that comment to her yesterday. Now she couldn't help but think that every compliment he paid her had just been him trying to flatter her and maybe he didn't really mean it.

God she hated Taylor... She hated how a single sentence made her feel like this, she hated how she was constantly on edge when he saw him, how her squad saw him treat her like she was nothing and she just bent over and took it...

She was about to grab her clipboard and go back downstairs when she saw a disheveled Amanda walk into the precinct trying to beeline to her desk to hopefully not be seen and scolded by the lieutenant for being almost an hour and a half late.

Olivia got up from her desk and walked over to her, thankful that Fin and Carisi were still, on Olivia's down low command, following up on Annie's case and Dodds had court so she could scold her detective in private for the most part.

"You're late," she scolded her crossing her arms. "You're very late in fact. Where were you?"

"I'm sorry, Lieutenant," Amanda told her, her voice slightly muttered. "Jesse caught a cold last night."

"I get having a sick kid, I really do, but that doesn't mean you show up almost two hours late."

"It wasn't just Jesse, Lieutenant, last night I just got... _Extremely_ tired all of a sudden and I woke up late with this massive headache..."

"A sick child will do that to you. Trust me, I know."

"No, it wasn't like I was just tired, but Captain Taylor came over and then ten minutes later I was so damn exhausted I had to ask him to leave. I could barely stay awake to take care of Jesse."

Olivia barely heard the second half of Amanda's sentence. Her lips trembled and her heart slammed against her ribs.

Her head swirled and she had to hold onto the blondes desk to keep from falling. She opened her mouth to speak and closed it again, struggling for all she's worth not to openly sob in front of her precinct.

She closed her eyes, forcing her self to take a very shaking breath. "You... Cap- Captain Taylor came over to your- your apartment?"

Amanda narrowed her eyes in confusion. Why was she overreacting like this? "...Yes... Nothing happened," she added quickly. "I promise Lieutenant, He was only there ten minutes tops."

"What did he do?" the brunette demanded. "When he was over at your place, what did you two do?"

"Amanda!"

Both women turned to look at Taylor who was walking out of his office and heading over towards the two.

Olivia stormed over to him, her hands balled into fists and shaking so hard it was hurting her.

"What did you do to her?" she barked, no longer caring about appearing professional in front of her squad. "What did you do?!"

"What on earth are you talking about, Lieutenant?" asked Taylor feigning shock.

"You know what I'm talking about!" Olivia yelled, not leaving any space between them. Amanda ran over to them and grabbed Olivia by the elbow to attempt to hold her back but she wrenched out of her grasp and got so close to Taylor that there wasn't an inch of space left between them.

"We didn't do anything, Lieutenant!" Amanda told her wide eyed and stunned. "I swear!"

"She's telling the truth," said Taylor, unable to hide the smirk as he looked at the lieutenant while confusing the blonde. Why would he be smug right now? "All I did," he continued, "was get her a nice big glass of tea. The same kind of drink I gave you when we were dating."

There had only been one moment in her entire life when Olivia saw as much red as she saw now; when William Lewis mocked her and told her that she 'didn't have the balls' to hurt him like he had hurt her.

She lunged at him, hitting anywhere she could reach as she did. Olivia wanted to make him hurt. She wanted t make him hurt as much as he had hurt her, as much as he hurt Amanda... She didn't even know what she was hitting or where, she just wanted to make him hurt.

She wanted to kill him.

She felt several arms pull her back and the red haze finally faded and her vision slowly came back into focus. Taylor was on the floor, his whole face covered in bruises and scratches. His lip was bloodied, blood was gushing from his nose along with a gash above his left eye... He was a mess.

Without warning Olivia wrenched out the officers who was holding onto hers grasps and stormed out of the precinct, ignoring the stunned silence from the rest of the officers.

She hailed a cab outside the precinct, not wanting to walk back to her apartment. But the closer she got to her building, the more emotional she felt. Taylor would press charges. She knew he would. She was going to lose her job, she was going to lose her pension, she was going to lose her freedom... She was going to lose everything...

Taylor had won.

By the time the cab pulled up she was close to tears again. She threw some cash at him and headed up to her apartment, tears slowly making their way down her face.

It was still early in the day so Noah was still at preschool and Tucker was at work so Olivia just crawled back into bed still dressed in her work clothes and cried herself to sleep.

…

"Liv? Liv, sweetie, wake up."

Olivia groaned as she opened her eyes to her boyfriend looking down at her.

"What are you doing home so early?" he asked as she sat up in the bed and glanced at her alarm clock.

Tucker and Barba had agreed that the ADA would talk to Olivia while Tucker would confront Taylor, with the reasoning behind it being that Olivia might be more willing to open up to her best friend instead of someone she was romantic with while Tucker had 20 years experience pulling out the truth from dirty cops.

Tucker had planned to come home and cook dinner and clean the apartment up so that when Barba stopped by she would be in a good mood. Then he would leave them alone and go to the precinct afterwards and talk to Taylor.

He didn't expect to find her laying in bed at 5:00 PM though.

Olivia swallowed hard as she turned from the clock to Tucker, shaking her head.

"I just, I had a headache and needed to come home," she told him, swiping a hand through her disheveled hair.

Tucker opened his mouth to ask if she was better now when he caught sight of the back of her hand, more specifically her bloodied knuckles.

"Jesus, Liv," he breathed as he took her hand and looked at it. "What the hell happened?"

Olivia closed her eyes, stunning him when he saw two tears leaked out from behind her lids. "I-... I got in a fight."

"With what, a brick wall?"

She breath trembled as she shook her head, her eyes still closed. "Me and Taylor..."

Even more tears were falling now as Tucker leaned back in the bed, trying his hardest to keep his voice even so that it wouldn't appear he was upset at her.

"Olivia... I love you. So much. More than I ever loved anyone else, and I know you love me too. Please... something is going on with you and him, and I want to help you more than anything but you have to tell me what is going on in order for me to do that."

Slowly she opened her eyes and looked at him. She could never fathom how he could express so much love and trust in those dazzling blue eyes.

He would never judge her. He would never pity her like Elliot had, he would never treat her like broken glass like Cassidy had, he would never see her as less of a cop or less of a woman... He loved her. Absolutely and unconditionally.

It was because of that realization that she spoke her next words.

She took a shaking breath, taking hold of his hand and clutching it like she needed him to keep her grounded to this earth, and didn't tear her eyes away from his.

"Captain... Captain Taylor..." A deep shaking breath. "He raped me."

 **Please Review**


	12. Chapter 12

I own no one but my own people

A/N HUGE Thanks to LiveSimplyDee on twitter, SVUBahDumTis on here for the HUGE help on here regarding the second part of the 1986 part. She rules, she's an amazing writer, go read and review all of her fics.

 **1986**

A light snow fell as Olivia walked back to her dorm from the library, flipping over the tape in the walk man she got for Christmas as she did.

She had asked for a portable disk player but Serena felt confident that the tapes would be around for a LOT longer than CDs would.

She has just unlocked the front door of the building when she heard someone call her name.

"Olivia!"

The brunette turned towards the person and she crossed her arms in front of her chest when she saw Becca hurrying over to her.

"What?" asked Olivia far more sharply than she intended.

Becca stopped for a moment before she cleared her throat. "I was wondering if we could talk."

The brunette shrugged. "Fine. Talk."

"I meant inside.. It's kinda cold out here."

Olivia eyed her suspiciously for a moment but nevertheless nodded and walked into the building with Becca following.

"So... How you been?" Becca asked as she walked behind Olivia as they made their way up to the second floor.

"Fine," Olivia answered with an edge in her voice still. When the former sorority member didn't reciprocate the question Becca cleared her throat and tried again.

"Good, good. I'm doing pretty great as well; my boyfriends birthday is coming up so I gotta try to find him the right gift. I swear to God men are impossible to shop for," she said with a laugh.

Olivia said nothing in response and instead just unlocked her dorm door and walked in, shutting it behind her.

Becca stood awkwardly in the small dorm room as Olivia sat down on her bed and looked at her. "So..." Olivia said after several moments of silence. "What do you want?"

The visitor cleared her throat and shoved her hand in her pocket. "I um... I just wanted to see how you've been is all."

"Fine. Is that all?"

Becca bit back a snappy retort and instead just forced a smile. "No. I um... I wanted to let you know that we know that your grades have really improved from last semester. We've also noticed that you're a lot "

"Well thanks for checking up on me. You can leave now."

"Liv, stop," Becca told her. "I'm trying to be nice, here."

"You're trying to be nice?" Olivia let out a humorless laugh. "That's rich considering you were the one who was right there grinning with Cassie when she told me I had to leave."

"You didn't make the grades, those are school rules."

"Funny because I know for a fact you're struggling to graduate next semester with a 1.8 when whats the minimum GPA? 2.0?"

"You were acting crazy!" Becca yelled at her. "Okay ever since that party you went to back in September you acted like a freak, you didn't talk to anyone, you stayed shut up in your room all day, not to mention that thing at the Halloween party..."

Becca took a deep breath to calm herself down before she continued, ignoring the tears that had gathered in her ex friends eyes from the painful memories she was unknowingly bringing back to the surface. "But none of that matters now. What does matter is we all talked about it and we want you back in the house. You can have your old room back, your old friends, your old status... Everything will be forgiven if you come back and, ya know, not act weird anymore."

Before Olivia could even blink the door opened and Rita walked in holding the hand of an athletic fairly well endowed girl with long black hair and dark brown eyes.

"Who's this?" Rita asked looking between Olivia and Becca. "Is this your girlfriend?"

"What? Ew, no!" Becca cried out in disgust.

"Becca, shut up," Olivia told her, noticing the girl whose hand Rita's was holding try to drop Rita's hand but Rita held fast, raising one perfectly manicured brow at the sorority sister.

"So, if she's not your girlfriend then who is she?" Rita asked with an equally about of disgust towards Becca that was shared towards her.

"This is Becca, she's a sorority sister of mine… was a sorority sister of mine when I was part of them…" Olivia tried to hide the sadness and disappointment in her voice when talking about them, but she couldn't mask it even if she tried.

As hard as she tried to play that she was over them and as bitter as she was towards them for what they did to her in the weeks following her rape, she did miss it. She missed them, her sisters and friends. Ones she thought were her friends at least. But what she had now was working for her. Her grades were improving, she stopped the drinking, her mental health took a turn and for the better. Ever since she started to share a dorm room with Rita her mind has been in a better place.

Rita's voice broke Olivia from her thoughts, "Deena?"

"Yeah?"

Rita still had yet to let go of Deena's hand though not for lack of trying on Deena's part. Rita made sure that she had both Olivia and Becca's attention before continuing on.

Rita pulled Deena closer, whispering in her ear but loud enough for the others to hear, "I will swing by your dorm later and we can continue this without company…" she finished while motioning towards the other two.

She let go of her hand and went to move a lock of hair from her face, "You're studying muscles this week, yeah? I will swing by later and we can use my body to help you study." She finished, moving in to kiss her.

Rita would have stayed like this longer if it wasn't for the annoying scoff/cough coming from her left side.

Becca stood, gathering her things quickly before only making eye contact with Olivia, "Like I said, think about it. We really do want you, you know, back and stuff."

Becca didn't wait for anyone to say anything as she made a hasty exit out of the door, Deena following behind just as quickly.

Rita and Olivia both watched as the door to their dorm shut, Olivia finding Rita on her bed.

"Are you happy?"

"I am."

"Then it's settled. Don't go back."  
"Rita, it's not that easy."

"isn't it though, Olivia? Come on. They kicked you out, for what?" Rita paused… _why did they kick her out?_

"They were my friends and sisters… I was, I was at my best with them."

"But look at where you're at now, Liv." Rita said, motioning to their dorm room.

Olivia being slightly caught off guard by the use of the nickname.

"You study harder now than when you did when you first got here, you aren't hungover half the time. Hell, you're eating more now than I have seen since you showed up. Gained a couple of pounds even, much needed." Rita basically mumbled looking over Olivia's body.

"Rita… it's not that easy. What I did, what happened…"

"What _did_ happen?"

A pause.

"Nothing."

Rita raised her brow at Olivia who just shook her head.

"Nothing happened, Rita. I'm fine."

"Well, look, something changed between this semester and last. I don't know what, if you don't wanna tell me that's fine but you're in a good place right now, Olivia. You don't need to the people who threw you out when you were at your worst and only want you at your best. Besides I'm way better looking than any sorority girl."

Olivia let out a laugh and nodded. "I will give you that."

The redhead offered a very rare smile before the two roommates shared a quick hug.

"Thanks, Rita."

"No problem. Now, if you excuse me." Rita stood up from the bed. "I have a C-Cup pre med student one floor down who needs help studying for her anatomy exam."

"I thought you were dating that cop?"

Rita shrugged. "I got bored of penis."

"Fair enough."

The redhead offered another rare smile before she turned and headed out the door, shutting it behind her.

 **PRESENT DAY**

Rape.

It was such a harsh blunt word. It didn't attempt to lessen the damage that particular crime inflicted on the victim, it left nothing to the imagination.

It was the one crime that, more than anything else, could change a person in its entirety. It drove victims to drugs, to alcohol, it could drive them to be recluses, it made victims unable to trust a single man, or woman if that were the case, again.

When Tucker had been called to interview her the first time Lewis had hurt her, he had designated it to another officer with the excuse that she would feel more comfortable with a female agent but the truth was he didn't want to hear her say those words. He couldn't, not after he had used the attack in Sealview against her during that dead biker case and then had the gall to threaten her with a strip search for no reason other than to get a confession for killing some scumbag raping biker thug?

He never forgave himself for doing that to her and that interrogation still haunted him in his dreams.

Then the second time, his Captain told him that with the added details of her confessing on live TV to beating him and lying about it, it HAD to be Tucker that questioned her. When Tucker all but begged him to let her have a day or two before he talked to her, his captain told him to go to the hospital and at least try to make a statement.

He, like he told his boss, was denied entry and had to go back to the precinct empty handed and told his boss he would have to settle for her coming to him the next day.

During the interview she desperately tried to appear 'normal' and unaffected by what happened, but Tucker could see right through her facade.

When it came time to ask her the question over rather or not Lewis raped her, Tucker couldn't get the words out. He couldn't even look at her when Cole asked instead. He didn't want to know that someone had hurt her in the most intimate way someone could hurt a person. He wouldn't have seen her as less strong or less of a cop but it would have killed him, knowing that someone like Lewis had reduced someone like Olivia to nothing more than a place to stick his dick simply because he wanted to hurt her.

That was just when he cared for her as a fellow officer he respected and worked with for 12 years.

Now she was his girlfriend, she was the person he held in his arms at night, the person he eventually wanted to have share his last name with along with her son...

She was the woman he loved... and she had just told him not only had she been raped but the person he was partly responsible for putting in charge of her had been the one to hurt her...

"Ed?" Olivia said after Tucker was silent for a long moment, a note of panic in her voice. "Say something... Please?"

Tucker blinked once, twice. He opened his mouth to speak before he closed it again, his mind whirling too fast for him to land on any one thought.

Finally he spoke, his voice lower and raspier than usual. "Wh-... When?"

Olivia shook her head. "We were in college," she told him, her voice trembling as she wrapped her arms around herself as if she could protect herself from her memories. "We were at some frat party, I was drinking, but I SWEAR I wasn't drunk," she told him, cringing as she did so.

She knew that it didn't matter, nor did she think Tucker would thing mattered but, even after telling victims it didn't matter how much they were drinking for almost 20 years, she still felt the need to defend her decisions when she was assaulted.

She froze with Lewis, she let Harris take her down to the basement, she had been drinking when Taylor took her up to the bedroom... Olivia always told herself that it wasn't her fault, that the crime didn't lie with her, but that nagging voice in the back of her mind would occasionally burst through her rational thought and tell her she had to take SOME blame for what happened...

"I was mad at my boyfriend and I started to leave and Taylor... Taylor offered to pour me a drink. It was a soda so I thought he was safe but I didn't see him slip something in it. He had in a hearing aid so when he told me he couldn't hear me over the music and asked to go upstairs I thought he was telling the truth. I passed out when we got to the room and..."

Olivia closed her eyes as tears began to run down her face. She sniffed and wiped them away only to have even more appear.

"What happened next, Olivia?" asked Tucker, keeping his voice as steady and soft as he could make it. There would be time for anger later. Right now he had to be there for Olivia, he had to let her know she could confide in him about this, and anger, even if it wasn't directed at her, would just shut her down. "Talk to me. Please?"

Even more tears from the brunette woman sitting beside him. After a long moment she continued, her voice coated with a thick layer of tears.

"I woke up the next morning, I was... I was in so much pain. He told me I found a sex toy in the drawer and I used it on myself and that was the reason I was sore down there. He drove me home and one of my friends noticed that I had hickies on my neck. I looked in the mirror and there were bruises all over my arms, my thighs, my breasts..." She shook her head almost as if she was in disbelief about the actions herself. "He hurt me everywhere, and I wasn't even awake to fight him. He hurt me just because he could."

Another steady breath from the man sitting beside her.

"Did you tell the police?"

"I told campus security but... they didn't believe me. I was drinking underage dressed in a short skirt, he was on the Deans List, captain of the soccer team, all around American boy. They were worried about me 'ruining his life'."

Tucker closed his eyes and licked his lips. It was getting harder and harder to keep his anger hidden.

"This is why you've been drinking these last few nights."

She nodded.

"Yeah. I walked in my precinct and he was there and everything came rushing back. I swore I put it behind me, I was over it, I have you, I have Noah... For the first time in a very long time I was truly happy and then he came back and I just- I couldn't deal with it. Then today Rollins comes in late, said she had a headache and she said Taylor came over and poured her a drink-."

"Oh my God," Tucker breathed. "you don't think..."

"I don't know," she admitted. "That's why I went after him today."

"Did you tell Dodds? If he knew-."

"I couldn't even tell my boyfriend or my best friend," she interrupted. "You think I could tell my boss 'hey you know that guy you voted to replace me? Well he raped me when I was nineteen and he might have raped one of my detectives'? I didn't want anyone to know. I was ashamed, embarrassed, I didn't want people to think I couldn't handle myself." More tears streamed down her face as she closed her eyes, unable to look at him as she voiced the thought that had been front and center since she saw him standing before her that first time in the break room. "What kind of SVU officer lets herself get attacked three separate times? I know I say it's not the victims fault but three separate times? I don't know, maybe I'm cursed, I put my mother through absolute hell just by existing, maybe this is the universe punishing me for that.""

Tucker swallowed hard as he started to reach to turn her face back to look at him but thought better than touching her.

"Olivia Margaret Benson, listen to me," he pleaded. She didn't turn towards him but he continued none the less. "This was not your fault. You did nothing to cause this, or Sealview, or Lewis... This could have happened to anyone."

"But why did it have to happen to me?" she asked, her voice cracking at the last syllable.

"I don't know. But I do know that you have helped thousands upon thousands of men, women, and children. If this was about karma, you would be living the best life of anyone in this goddamn world right now. Sometimes bad things happen to amazing people and it's sure as hell isn't the amazing persons fault."

Olivia let out a sob and before either of them could breathe she turned and clutched his shirt, letting out a sob as she buried her face into his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight, feeling his blood boil hotter than it ever had as he tried to comfort his girlfriend.

Minutes later she had calmed down enough to where the sobs had ceased and she was just resting her head against Tuckers chest while he slowly stroked her hair.

"I have to go get Noah," she told him after a long stretch of silence.

"Barba's doing it," Tucker told her. "He was worried about you so he came to my office earlier. He was gonna get Noah and then come talk to you while I went and talked to Taylor."

Olivia sat up, pushing a fallen piece of disheveled hair out of her face. "You can't... You can't talk to him. Not now."

"Liv-."

"It's too late to persecute. The statue of limitations is long over."

"No but I can get him out of your precinct. If you let me go to Dodds-."

"No!" she cried out. "You can't tell him!"

"Liv-."

"I said no," Olivia repeated firmly. "He doesn't know what happens. Not now, not ever."

Tucker sighed as he looked at her for a moment before he spoke. "Fine. I won't tell Dodds. But you gotta let me talk to Taylor. Maybe the fact that someone else knows will be enough to scare him off."

Olivia bit her lip for a moment before she nodded. Tucker kissed her forehead before the sound of the buzzer sounded .

"That must be Barba and Noah," Tucker sighed as he looked at her. "I won't tell anyone what happened to you."

"Thank you."

"But... I think you should. I think you give people too little credit and I think you think they'll look at you like how you look at yourself."

Olivia said nothing just stared down at the ground.

Another kiss on the forehead before they both got up and headed out to the living room and buzzed Barba up.

"Mommy!" Noah cried happily as soon as the four year old saw Olivia standing in the living room, not used to having his mother home when he got home from preschool.

"Hi, my love," she greeted, trying to force a smile to her face as he ran to her and hugged her. Olivia picked hip up and held him as close as she could, closing her eyes as she hugged him. "My beautiful boy..."

Barba shut the door behind him and turned to Tucker confused. "I thought you were gonna make diner and clean up? And why does she look like she was crying?"

"I was gonna but... Just talk to her. Liv, I'll be back."

Olivia nodded, still not letting go of Noah.

With one last look towards Olivia Tucker turned and left.

…

"Detective Rollins!"

Rollins groaned as she looked towards the voice who called her and saw Tucker with a storm blazing in his blue eyes walking towards her.

Her headache had yet to go away no matter how many Tylenol she swallowed and she wasn't in the mood to deal with IAB. It was just her luck that Carisi and Fin were off on a secret assignment for Liv and Dodds was in court.

"Liv isn't here," the blonde told him, hoping that's who he was looking for.

"I'm not looking for her, I'm looking for you. You alright?"

"I'm fine, I just have a headache. This day is going by so damn slow..." she grumbled.

"Did you have a headache last night? What happened when Captain Taylor came over to your place?"

Amanda scoffed as she stood up form her desk and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Really? You're gonna come after me for Taylor being in my apartment for ten minutes when you and the commander of SVU were dating? You got some nerve, Tucker."

"I'm not coming after you for anything, I just need to know what the hell happened."

"Nothing!" Amanda said for what felt like the tenth time today. "Okay he came over, we had a glass of tea, Jesse was sick so he left!"

"Who poured the tea, you or him?"

"Does it really matter?"

"Yes. Detective, did you pour the tea or did he?"

Amanda opened quickly into the precinct mouth to answer when her name was shouted out yet again. She and Tucker turned to watch Fin and Carisi walk towards them at a rather quick pace. "Where's Liv?"

"She's at home, Amanda explained. "After she assaulted Captain Taylor she left."

"Yeah well she had a good reason," Carisi told her darkly, handing her his phone.

"Liv noticed there was a jewelry store across the street from the hotel," Fin explained as he pressed play on the video that was pulled up on Carisi's phone. "Figured there would be a lot of security cameras and with a scuzzy motel across the street there'd be private video cameras as close to the building as you can get without actually being on the building."

"Look, guys, Taylor told us to drop this case alright?" the blonde sighed. "We gotta start respecting him, just because he took Benson's leadership-."

"Just look at who carries the girl into the motel," Carisi informed her.

Amanda rolled her eyes but nevertheless looked at the video. She watched impatiently for a moment before her eyes went wider than saucers and her jaw dropped to the floor.

"No... No, that can't be! He wouldn't!"

"We got two more angles that ID him carrying the girl into that motel," said Fin. "I'm sorry but Captain Taylor raped Annie Richards."

Tucker swallowed hard, his hands curling into fists as he turned to look at a stunned Amanda. "I need to know, Detective... who poured the drink last night?"

Both Carisi and Fin narrowed their eyes in confusion, looking at one another before looking back at Amanda. "He was in your house the other night?" asked Fin.

"For ten minutes," she told them again, this time far less combative. "He... He poured me a drink but I thought he was just being polite..."

"How much did you drink?"

"Only a few sips," she told them. "Then Frannie ran out and knocked my cup over. Taylor... Taylor got really mad but I just thought he was upset over the fact it spilled on him. I... I mentioned that it tasted a little funny and he laughed at me. Told me I was being paranoid..."

All three men looked at one another before they turned back to Amanda who felt her stomach lurch.

"Frannie may have saved your life," Carisi said, suddenly more grateful for that yellow haired dog than he could ever express.

"Wheres Captain Taylor now?" asked Tucker.

"He went to the hospital after Liv beat him but that was a few hours ago," Amanda said quickly, no longer willing to defend the man who had almost raped her and had raped a young girl. "I haven't seen him or heard back form him since."

Tucker nodded before he turned and pointed at Fin, "You and I are gonna go to the hospital, see if he's still there," he told the senior detective, hoping that the fact he outranked all of them by several ranks would mean they wouldn't argue when he gave them commands.

Thankfully they didn't.

"If he isn't there then we go to his house. Rollins and Carisi, you two will be on the phone getting a hold of every train station, bus station, JFK and LaGuadia. You're gonna find out if he's skipping town."

"Why would he try to skip town though? He doesn't know we're onto him?"

"Your Lieutenant did," said Tucker, leaving out the more intimate details. "That's why she went after him when he said he served you a drink."

"But if she knew he was a rapist-."

"She couldn't prove it," he lied. "She just had an inkling. Now come on, lets catch this guy. Keep each other smart, keep each other updated, keep each other safe," he finished with the same thing he told his own investigators every morning.

With a curt nod Amanda and Carisi hurried to their computers and phones while Fin and Tucker left the precinct with the blue eyed captain thinking of only getting justice for the brown eyed woman he loved.

…

"So you gonna tell me what you were crying about when I first got here?"

Olivia sat on the couch with a now lukewarm coffee in her hand while Sesame Street played in the background with Noah watching intently and Barba sitting beside her on the couch.

They had spent the better part of an hour simply chatting about their cases, their relationships, Barba showed Olivia the engraved watch he was getting Carisi for his birthday, and just their daily lives that they didn't quite get to discuss during the course of the work day.

After they ordered Chinese for dinner though Barba finally worked up the courage to talk to her about the real reason he was here.

Olivia shook her head, taking a long sip of the diet coke she so desperately wished was wine. "I wasn't crying."

"Really because it looked to me like you were crying."

"Well I wasn't."

"Uh huh... The bruises on your knuckles couldn't have anything to do with it could it?"

Olivia looked down at her hands, flinching at the still bloodied knuckles that she saw.

"You're my best friend," Barba tried again. "I care about you, Liv. If something were going on with me, you'd want me to tell you right?"

"Yeah but it's... it's complicated, Barba."

"It's not though. Something is going on with you and Taylor."

Olivia sighed and put her coffee down on the table. She stared down at her hands for a moment before she turned towards him.

"Barba... Taylor and I-."

But she was interrupted by the sound of someone knocking on her door.

"Delivery guy must have gotten buzzed in from someone else," said Barba as he grabbed his wallet and headed to the door.

He looked through the peephole and saw a man wearing a black hoodie and a hat over his face holding up the bag of Chinese. Barba opened the door and smiled at the man. "Thirty fifty two right?" he asked getting out two twenties.

The delivery person said nothing and instead just nodded. Barba reached out to hand him the cash but the second his hand touched the mans, he grabbed a hold of Barbas wrist and twisted him around to face Olivia, yanking his arm behind him.

"Get off me!" Barba yelled as Olivia jumped off the couch, grabbing for her holster where his gun would be but remembering that her gun was where it went every night since she brought Noah into her home; her gun safe in her bedroom.

"NYPD, let him go!" Olivia bellowed, hoping that the simple fear of doing whatever he planned in front of a cop would make him think twice.

Instead of deterring him however the man reached into his waistband and pulled out a gun and put it to Barba's head.

"I'm NYPD too, Olivia," came a very familiar voice before the delivery man reached up and yanked the hood, making both the cops and ADAs panic mount to a whole new level.

"You were supposed to be alone," Taylor said as he used his foot to slam her door shut, forcing Barba to walk forward, his gun still at his head, grinning at the look of terror at Olivia's face. "Plus you know what they say." He pulled the hammer back on his weapon. "Threes a crowd."

Olivia saw him start to squeeze the trigger...

 **Please Review**


	13. Chapter 13

I own no one but my own people

 **1986**

"You bought 30 packages of skittles?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"To soak them in vodka over spring break and make skittle vodka."

Olivia shook her head as she continued to watch Rita pack her suitcase up for Spring break, mostly consisting of swimsuits, shorts and lingerie she would, in her own words, 'only be wearing for several minutes before Deena ripped it off'.

"I can't believe you're gonna stay here for spring break."

"I don't have the money to go anywhere warm," Olivia argued. "Besides I have work."

"You should just call in," said Rita as she held up an off the shoulder black crop top that left very little to the imagination. "Is this too slutty for me to wear in public?"

"Would you be comfortable wearing it in public?"

"Yes."

"Then it's not too slutty for you."

Rita chuckled as she tossed the top into her suitcase. "God I love you ultra feminists types. You know if you want, there's an extra bed in my hotel room, Deena wouldn't mind if you came along. In fact, she was actually considering asking if you wanted to join us in a threesome."

Olivia had just sipped on her bottle of diet Pepsi, she couldn't stomach the taste of Diet Coke anymore after what Taylor had done, before she cough and sputtered and looked up at Rita expecting a laugh or a smile but instead got a dead serious look.

"Um... No- no thank you. Thank you for the offer though."  
Rita just shrugged before she went back to packing. Olivia shook her head before she spoke again. "I'm probably just gonna hang around the campus, eat out a few times-."

"Try to find a boyfriend?"

Olivia sighed as the subject that Rita had been pushing her on for a while came up yet again. She didn't want to date, she didn't want some guy thinking she owed him something and hurting her to get it... She had come so far just to put herself back in a similar situation.

"You are beautiful, you're smart, you're fun, you have an ass you could bounce a quarter off... There is zero reason why you don't have a boyfriend," Rita told her when she came back with no response.

"I just don't wanna date someone right now," Olivia said a bit more snippy than she had intended.

Rita stopped packing for a moment and stood with her arms crossed. "Why? I saw you around campus with guys your first semester, why don't you wanna date anyone now?"

"Because I don't, alright?!" Olivia closed her eyes and forced herself to take a deep breath before she stood up from the bed. "I'm sorry for snapping. I' just... I don't wanna be around someone that way right now."

"And I want to see you happy for once not just doing homework," Rita told her. "Also here."

Olivia rolled her eyes but nonetheless stayed and watched as Rita pulled out the crop top she had asked about moments before and a pair of high-waited leather pants. "Here. Get your hair big, put on some makeup, go out tonight and have some fun."

"Rita," Olivia started to sigh but her roommate held up a hand to silence her as she zipped up her bag.

"I'm not gonna say it again." The tall redhead went over and gave her roommate a quick hug. "Go have fun." She walked back to her suitcase and grabbed hold of it. "I expect those clothes to smell like liquor and sex when I get back."

Another roll of the eyes from Olivia and Rita was gone. The brunette sat on her bed for a while, staring at the outfit that Rita had left for her, her heart pounding hard against her chest. What if she went out and the guy hurt her again? What if this time he didn't even bother with drugging her? What if this time he was more careful and she didn't realize she had been raped and she wound up pregnant from it?

She felt tears prick at her eyes that she quickly wiped away as her thoughts ran rampant. She pulled her legs up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, hating what she was feeling right now.

Olivia wanted to go out again. She did. She wanted to have a boyfriend again and to have sex again and to get back to who she was before Taylor raped her but she didn't want to risk getting hurt again.

But as she sat there looking at the ensemble that would turn a fair few amount of heads, she couldn't help but not only remember the man who had saved her and who she felt comfortable enough to let him walk her home and hug him, but her mothers words, as drunken as they were, stood out to her.

 _You can't let him win. You can't let him ruin your life._

Olivia closed her eyes and, grumbling as she cursed out her mother, grabbed her shower caddy and headed into the bathroom to get ready to go out.

It was almost nine PM when Olivia finally left her dorm, making her way down the street to the bar that she had frequented during her darkest hour but now, it felt different. She wasn't going in there to get drunk and forget what had happened, she wasn't in a crumpled up sweat shirt and jeans... Her tightly permed hair was big, her makeup was sultry and she was wearing the outfit Rita had left her, feeling WAY more exposed now than when she looked in the mirror.

She could hear music and laughter coming from inside and she bit her lip as she contemplated rather or not to walk in or rather or to just go home.

But once again her mothers words echoed in her ear and, with a shaking breath she walked in the bar.

She wasn't sure what she was expecting when she walked to the long bar. Perhaps something out of the movies where the music knew to stop as soon as the door opened and every single male gaze was fixed on her, undressing her with their eyes and licking their lips like they were a starving dog looking at a steak.

Instead the music continued to play, people continued their conversations, the whole bar didn't zero in on her, people saw her for what she was, just another college student looking to have some fun on a Friday night.

She couldn't have been more grateful.

Olivia sat down at the bar and pulled out some cash from her purse as the bartender walked over to her.

"Wine, please," she told him. "Anything red."

The bartender nodded and went to retrieve her drink. While she waited for her to return a man slid into the seat next to her with his bottle of beer. While the bar was pretty packed, there were still several seats not right next to her that this man could have taken and instead he choose to sit right beside her. Olivia tensed up but she forced herself to stay where she was and not run out of the bar.

He had dark green eyes and thick black hair and looked to be a year or two older than her.  
She waited for him to say something, to compliment her, to ask her for the time, for ANYTHING but nothing... After a while the bartender brought the brunette her drink and she more on edge than she was even before she walked in as she sipped her drink with a shaking hand.

Finally, when she could barely stand it anymore, she whipped towards him. "Can I help you?"

The man looked up, slightly confused. "Excuse me?"

"There's at least 5 free seats at the bar and 3 tables, why are you sitting right next to me?"

The man opened his mouth but quickly closed it again. "I- I'm sorry, I-."

"Great, you're sorry, you can move now," she barked.

He swallowed hard before he stood up from his seat and started to walk away before he turned back around towards her.

"I- I'm sorry if I offended you," he said once she was looking at him, albeit she only turned back around to tell him to leave him alone. He looked just as broken as he sounded. "My... my fiancee just broke up with me so my friend took me out, said he wouldn't leave unless I talked to someone and I was just trying to work up the courage to talk to you."

Olivia's face fell as she looked over the mans face. He looked just as comfortable as she did at being out and when he reached up to rub the back of his neck she noticed the white band of skin on his finger where a ring that one would have worn for a while would have been.

"I didn't... I didn't mean any harm," he continued. "I'm sorry for bothering you."

Olivia swallowed before she shook her head. "No, no you're fine. I uh..." She chuckled. "I'm kinda in the same boat. My friend made me come out tonight because according to her I've been in kind of a dating funk lately."

The man offered a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry that our friends suck."

A short laugh escaped her as she nodded and held up her glass of wine. "To sucky friends."

He grinned as he raised his bottle. "To sucky friends."

The two clinked their drinks before he motioned to the seat beside her. "Do you mind? Figure this time I'd ask."

A slow smile grew on her lips. "Go ahead."

"Thanks. I'm Jason by the way," he told her as he sat down in the bar stool and stuck out his hand.

"Olivia," she told him as she shook his hand.

The two people spent the next several hours talking to one another. Jason was a shy sweet mechanic whose fiancee had left him for a law student and was next in line to run his fathers garage. He didn't shamelessly flirt, he sat back in his own chair and didn't even attempt to touch her, when she told him it was 'personal' when he asked why she was in a dating funk he didn't push her for a more detailed reason, and when she came back from the bathroom and immediately ordered a new drink even though she still had more than half a glass left he didn't question it...

He was exactly what she needed.

It was almost eleven when he told her he had to be at work at six AM the next morning so she walked him outside and the two stood there on the curb while they waited for a cab to pass.

"I had fun tonight," Jason told her.

"I did too," said Olivia as a gentle wind blew through her hair. "A lot more then I thought I would."

Another sweet smile. "I'm glad."

The two stood for a moment before Jason cleared his throat. "So... Um, I- I had fun tonight."

"...You just said that."

"Right... Sorry."

Olivia laughed and he smiled at her before he looked down at the sidewalk. "I... I don't wanna lead you on so I'm just gonna say this now... I like you, Liv."

"I like you too," she told him with a shy smile.

"But I-... I don't know if I'm really ready for a relationship." He looked up at her, looking truly apologetic. "I'm sorry."

The brunette couldn't help the laugh that escaped her, waving away Jasons confused face. "Oh wow don't... don't be sorry. Honestly, I was going to say the same thing. I know we both came out with the intention to hook up but... I just can't right now."

Jason let out a breath he didn't realize he had been holding. "So we're okay?"

"We're okay," she assured him. "I think tonight wasn't really about finding a date but... getting over something. For both of us. We might not be completely over what out friends decided we needed to get over but... we can be a start for one another."

Jason grinned at her. "I like that."

The two people smiled at one another before a cab pulled up to the curb and Jason opened the cab door for her but before she got in, she took a deep breath, leaned over, and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

Jason put a hand to his cheek as he shut the door behind her. After she drove off he put his hands in his pockets and walked back towards his apartment, not knowing that the small little kiss had given her just as much as it had given him...

 **PRESENT DAY**

"DON'T!" Olivia screamed, taking a step towards them.

"One more step and he's fucking dead!" Taylor barked at her, pressing the gun tighter against Barba's head and wrapping his forearm around the ADA's throat and tightening.

"Mommy?" said Noah, looking between the three adults. He didn't know exactly what was going on but he knew something bad was happening and the stranger was making his mother terrified which in turn made the toddler frightened...

The lieutenants entire body shook, her mind was whirling to fast to land on one particular thought.

She had been in hostage situations before. She had been the one with a gun held to her head and she had also been the one to talk down someone before but this was different. This was Barba, this was her best friend.

She couldn't lose him.

"Why are you here?" Barba said, struggling to get away from Taylor's grasp, surprising Olivia with the strength in his voice even though she could tell from his eyes he was terrified. "What do you want with us?"

"I could care less about you, Barba. But Olivia knows what I want, don't ya? The same thing I got from her last time."

Olivia closed her eyes for a moment, barely able to stand the stunned look on Barba's face.

"He... Liv, he raped you?"

"Okay... Okay, lets... lets everyone calm down? Okay?" she said, her voice trembling as she fought to maintain some sort of control over the situation, her hands raised to show him that she wasn't going to do anything rash. "Lets calm down..."

Taylor glared at her for a moment before his face broke out into a smirk and he laughed. "I don't know about you but I'm perfectly calm..."

"Mommy?" Noah spoke again, this time with a bit of cry in his voice. His fear had grown tenfold when he heard his mother speak and he knew there was something to actually be afraid of.

Olivia slowly took a step closer to Noah, her arms still raised.

"Taylor why don't... why don't... you let Barba take my son and leave and then it can be just you and me okay?" She stepped in front of Noah to block him in case the gun went off in his direction.

"Liv, I'm not leaving you," Barba told her, groaning when Taylor tightened his forearm against his throat.

"Shut up, Barba!" Olivia barked at the ADA, not taking her eyes from the gun pointed at his head. "You're gonna take Noah and get out of here, because I know that Captain Taylor wants me alone. Right, Captain? That's what you want? Just you and me, no one else..."

A slow growing smile appeared on his face. "How big of an idiot do you think I am? You really think I'm just gonna let him walk out and call your little boyfriend to come save you the second he gets a chance?"

"He won't do that, I promise you he won't," said Olivia. "Just let him and my son go okay?"

Taylor seemed to pretend to consider it for a moment before he spoke. "No."

She closed her eyes as tears leaked out, cringing when she heard his laughter.

"Did you really think that would work?" he asked. "You're pathetic, Olivia."

"Just let them go," she begged, finally opening her eyes. "I will do whatever you want if you just let them go."

"No you won't!" Barba shouted, struggling against Taylor's hold. "Liv, don't- Ah!" Taylor had slammed the butt of the pistol against Barba's head.

Noah let out a sob mixed with a scream, clinging to Olivia's leg. "Mommy!"

Olivia swallowed hard, not taking her eyes off of Barba. She had to get Noah out of here.

"It's... It's alright, Noah. We're gonna play a game."

She waited for Taylor to speak and instead he just looked at her rather amused. She bent down next to him, still facing the two of them. "We... We're gonna play hide and seek okay? Can you do that, sweetie? Can you play hide and seek with Mommy?"

Olivia knew that her son would, as he always did when they played hide and seek, go and hide in his closet inside an old box just big enough for the three year old to fit in. While Taylor could have easily found him if he wanted, her son would be out of harms way for now at least.

Noah let out another sob, clinging to her tighter. "Mommy..."

"Come on, my love. Lets play hide and seek, alright you can hide."

Noah sniffed, wiping away his tears before he nodded.

"Good boy. I'm gonna count now okay? One, two, three..."

With one last fleeting look towards his mother Noah ran into his room.

"That was adorable," Taylor told Olivia as the detective stood back up. "You're such a good mother."

"What do you want?" she demanded. Now that her son was out of harms way she could be a bit more direct. "Why are you here?"

"Oh I think you know why I'm here."

"Fine. There's no need to have Barba here though. Let him go."

"I already told you..." Taylor took his hand from around his throat and dug into his coat pocket. "He's not going anywhere and neither are you."

Olivia swallowed hard as Taylor pulled out a small baggie and threw it at her, the plastic and whatever was inside landing at her feet. She looked down at what he tossed and her heart sand when she saw three little white pills inside the baggie.

"Pick them up and take the pills," Taylor demanded.

She reached down and picked up the bag, her lip trembling as she looked at the pills inside it.

"Liv, don't," said Barba. "You know what he's gonna do to you."

"And you know what I'm gonna do to him if you don't. Take. The. Pills. Or you're gonna have a VERY hard time getting this particular stain off your carpet."

Olivia closed her eyes for a moment before she spoke, forcing herself not to sound as terrified as she felt. "How do I know you won't kill him after I take the pills?"

Taylor scoffed as if he had been offended. "What, you don't trust me? I'm insulted, Olivia." He moved closer to her and Olivia forced herself to stand her ground. "Take the pills."

Olivia's mind whirled as she looked from Barba back to Taylor and back to Barba again, her heart pounding hard against her ribs.

"If I don't take the pills-."

"That's not an option," Taylor growled.

"You didn't let me finish... If I let you rape me without knocking me out, you give me your word you don't hurt Barba or my son."

"Liv, don't!" Barba pleaded, groaning when Taylor tightened the hold around his throat again. "Please don't!" he managed to gasp out through the restricted airflow.

"You don't want a woman who just lays there," she continued, making her voice as soft and sultry as she could get it. "I know you don't, Ben... You're tired of them not fighting back, you're tired of them not making you feel as good as you know they could..."

Taylor bit his lip, letting his eyes wonder up and down his prey before he looked back and met her eyes, a snake oil grin on his face. "Yeah?"

"Yeah... We could lock Barba in Noah's bedroom without his cell," she said, praying that Barba would be smart enough to notice that Noah's window was the one with the fire escape leading down to the street.

Not to mention she could fight him if she was awake. She was NOT about to leave her body open to an unknown assault. Not again.

"You could have me alone for as long as you wanted, you could have me do whatever you wanted... Come on..."

Predator and prey locked eyes for a moment and, for one glorious moment Olivia thought he was going to do what she asked but in a single moment her faith shattered.

"So... You thought what didn't work on William Lewis would work on me?"

The Lieutenant froze, the same thing that happened every time she heard that particular name.

"You didn't think I would read up on the squad I was taking over? That I wouldn't read how you tried, failing miserably mind you, to seduce you way out of being assaulted by him? Not to mention there were rumors of something happening at a prison you were undercover at?" Taylor shook his head as if he were disgusted. "What kind of SVU officer lets herself gets attacked that many times?"

Olivia's hands curled into fists as he unknowingly threw her own words back at her.

"Now..." He pushed the gun harder into Barba's skull. "Or you going to take them voluntarily or am I going to have to shove them down your throat AFTER I kill Barba AND your son?"

An instinct as old as time itself roared to life inside of her as Taylor finished his threat. She would die before the man who hurt her laid a finger on Noah.

"You're not going to touch my son," she told him in no uncertain terms.

"Watch me."

"I know you won't... Because you're too much of a coward to try to fight me to get to him."

Taylor glared at her. "You don't think I'm man enough to take you on?"

"Oh I know you aren't," Olivia shot back. "You will be long dead before you harm a single hair on his head. You don't think so? Try me." She saw him shift slightly and his glare intensified and suddenly a plan cemented in her head. She had no idea if this would work. When she tried something similar with Lewis, she knew the bar was about to give after pulling and kicking on it while he was talking to the maid and her daughter. That was the ONLY reason she had goaded him on, to get him close enough to the bed so she would be able to hit him with the bedpost. Here she had not only her life and two strangers to think about but her best friend and more importantly her son.

But she had to try.

A grin similar to the smirk that seemed almost permanently fixed to his face appeared on hers. "That's why you need women to be drugged so you can rape them. You're too cowardly, too weak to fight them."

"Shut up," he growled.

"In fact," Olivia continued, her heart pounding harder with every syllable she threw at him. "I bet that's not the only reason you want women passed out when you rape them. What's wrong, Ben? Have some problems rising to the occasion and don't want a woman laughing at you? Think you won't 'measure up' to other men?"

"I said shut up!" yelled Taylor and she saw his hand flinch, like he was itching to take it away from Barba's head and point it at her instead.

"You know what I noticed with other rapists who need their women totally incapacitated in order to rape them?"

"SHUT UP YOU STUPID BITCH!"

"Usually these kinds of rapists, rapists like you, Ben... prefer to have sex with men."

Taylor let out a loud roar as he took the gun away from Barba's head and pointed it at Olivia. Seeing an opportunity Barba slammed his elbow up as hard as he could, landing it squarely in Taylor's jaw, making the older man finally release the hold he had on his neck.

Olivia reached out and grabbed Barba's wrist and yanked him away from Taylor's grasp in the same second that the Captain recovered enough to aim his gun at Olivia once more. Putting her shoulder forward she sprinted and slammed into him, him shooting the gun blindly followed by Barba crying out in pain as she knocked both of them off their feet, grabbing for the gun as they fell to the floor.

The two officers struggled madly for the gun. Olivia landed on top of the man but he quickly;y overpowered her and managed to flip them so he was on top.

Olivia let out a cry as Taylor started to turn the gun they both had around to face her but she held fast onto the metal weapon.

"I'm gonna enjoy this, bitch!" he hissed as he nearly got the barrel turned around enough to shoot her.

Focusing every ounce of strength she had, Olivia let go of the gun long enough to rake her nails across his face HARD, leaving four bloody scratches in their wake.

Taylor howled in pain for a moment but it was long enough for her to gain control of the gun and wrenched it as far up as she could. Upon realizing he still had enough strength left to hold onto the gun she took her palm and smashed it against his nose, crushing it.

It was then she felt his hold on the gun slacken enough for her to wrench the gun out of his hand and, as hard as she could, pistol whipped him across the side of the head as she could, making the man fall off of her, his eyes closing on impact.

Olivia scrambled up into a standing position, gasping for breath as she pointed the gun at him. "Barba my handcuffs are on my nightstand, get them!" she barked at the ADA without taking her eyes off of the Captain.

"Barba, my handcuffs!" Olivia yelled again this time looking at him, her eyes widening when she saw the ADA on the ground unconscious, thick red blood pouring out of his chest.

"No!" she screamed, running towards him and falling on her knees beside him. She quickly felt for his pulse, letting out a panicked sob when instead of a strong steady beat she felt a barely there thready pulsing.

She put as much pressure on the bullet hole as she could while she scrambled for a phone in his pocket with her other hand. "Barba, stay with me! You have to stay with me!"

She quickly dialed 911, her eyes darting between Barba and Taylor, praying with all of her might that he didn't wake up. After telling the 911 dispatch what was happening she turned back towards Barba.

"Please don't leave me," she begged him in a voice barely above a whisper. "I'm so sorry, Rafael, please. You can't leave me... Rafael..."

 **One chapter left! Please Review!**


	14. Chapter 14

I own no one but my own people

A/N Thank you all SO much for following and sticking with this story. I hope you all enjoyed it :-)

 **1986**

"Benson!"

Olivia hurried over to the officer who had called her name.

"Can I help you?" she asked the officer perhaps a bit over eagerly.

Olivia had applied for a summer internship with the NYPD and, thanks to her acing the classes she had failed the previous semester and getting back on the Presidents List, had been granted it. She had her choice of a regular police precinct, IAB, Homicide, Narcotics, Vice, White Collar, or, and the person in charge of the internship program told her as much that the last option was very rarely utilized, Special Victims Unit.

Olivia had told her she wanted SVU before the officer in charge finished speaking. Apparently she and one other person choose SVU that year, which was two more than had volunteered to intern for SVU for the past 3 years.

She had yet to meet the other student who was in the program with her but she didn't care. She wasn't there to make friends with fellow interns, she was there to get good experience and to add to resume.

The officer, only about three years older than her, handed her a rather large stack of folders. "Yeah, I need you to file these,"

"Right away officer Dodds."

Dodds raised a very bushy eyebrow at her at her over eagerness. "I've never met anyone this actually excited to work."

Olivia shrugged. "I like to work."

"Obviously. Well, get to it."

"Of course."

Dodds watched as she hurried towards the file room with a small smile. She was cute, nice body, and actually seemed to like SVU as opposed to himself who was only here because it would have looked better working here than just being a regular police officer in a plain precinct.

Maybe he would ask her out one of these days...

Taking one last look at her as she walked away he turned and walked away.

Olivia sighed happily as she made her way to the filing room. Sure the internship amounted to nothing other than filing, running for coffee and occasionally sitting in a restaurant pretending she was a sixteen year old in order to trap men who had a thing for teenagers but she still loved it. She loved working in this area, she loved knowing that, albeit she played a very very small part, helping victims get justice.

She didn't want to do anything else in the world other than work SVU...

"Ex-... excuse me."

As Olivia was about to go into the filing room she turned and saw a young blonde woman a few years older than her with tears streaming down her face. Her hair was an absolute mess and what would have been a normally beautiful face was littered with bruises.

She was wearing a fairly short mini skirt and a dark green off the shoulder crop top with three inch heels although one had been broken off the shoe.

"I... I was told to come here for help?" the woman finished, wiping away tears.

Olivia's face fell as she set the stack of files on a desk beside her and walked over to her. "What do you need help with?" she asked, her voice as soft and gentle as she could make it.

The woman let out a sob, covering her mouth with her hand. "I was raped..."

The brunette took a deep breath as she quickly looked around trying to locate a detective but it was late and there were very few left in the precinct.

She swallowed hard as she turned back to the woman. "You... you wanna sit down while I go get someone?"

The woman sniffed away her tears and nodded before sitting down in the chair Olivia was standing next to.

"I'm- I'm sorry for coming in so late and bugging everyone," the woman told Olivia, wiping away more tears with the back of her hand.

"Oh my Gosh, no, don't be sorry at all," Olivia told her, handing her a box of tissues from another nearby desk and offering her them. "That's what we're here for. What's your name?"

"Linda," she answered taking one of the tissues and dabbing at her eyes.

"Okay, Linda, I'm gonna go get you a detective alright?"

She nodded and wrapped her arms around her body and Olivia's heart sank when she saw more tears fall down her face. The brunette leaned down in front of her but kept her hands in plain view so the woman knew she wouldn't be touched. "You're gonna be okay," Olivia told her in the kindest voice she could muster. "You survived what happened to you, you can survive what comes after, I know you can."

"I was drunk," Linda told her in a tearful whisper. "It, it was my friends birthday, I was out celebrating and I- I took a cab home and the driver offered to walk me inside... I should have just said no, I shouldn't have let him walk me up. Because I know better than that."

Olivia shook her head. "This wasn't your fault, Linda. It doesn't matter rather you were drunk or sober or if you were in sweats or completely naked, NO ONE has the right to touch you without your permission. "

She had no idea if this was in her purview or not to comfort the victims, she didn't even know if she was saying the right thing to her or if she was just making things worse. But she did know that she had wanted someone to tell her this after her attack, she wanted at least one person to tell her that she would make it, that what had happened wasn't her fault, that no one had permission to use her body however they wanted just because she had decided to have a few drinks.

As God as her witness, she swore she would never let another woman go through what she had gone through...

"YOU did nothing wrong," Olivia emphasized. "He did. You are not to blame for any of this..."

Linda looked at her for a moment before a sob ripped past her lips and she threw her arms around the teenager, crying into her shoulder. Olivia was stunned for a moment before she hugged her back, gently rubbing the blondes back.

"It's alright," she told her in a soft whisper. "You're gonna be alright, you're gonna be okay..."

When Linda finally calmed down enough she released Olivia who gave her a friendly smile. "I'm gonna go get a detective who's gonna take your statement alright? If he just sends you on your way come find me, and I'll get you in touch with some people who can offer you some help alright?"

The victim nodded and through her tears she managed to speak. "Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me. I'll be right back with a detective okay?"

Olivia stood up from the ground and went to find a detective who could take her statement. She managed to find a detective, one whom she knew would treat her the way she deserved to be treated, and started to head back to the filing room to complete her task when she felt someone tap her on her shoulder.

The person who had tapped her was a male about two or three years older than her. He had short bristly brown hair and the most dazzling blue eyes she had ever seen.

He smiled at her and she felt herself go weak in the knees.

"I saw what you did with the victim," he told her and Olivia had to remind herself to breathe.

His voice was like nothing she ever heard. It was strong but at the same time she knew it could be soft and gentle if he wanted it to be.

"That was really incredible," he continued.

Olivia looked at him for a moment longer before she cleared her throat and shook her head. "I'm... I mean, anyone would do the same."

The mystery man shook his head. "A lot of these detectives wouldn't have been that decent, especially to a victim that was drunk."

"Well it doesn't matter if she was drunk or not," she told the man. "Drinking is legal, raping someone is not."

"I know," the man said, surprising her with his agreement. Even though she worked in SVU, it was astonishing how many of the detectives still treated women like they carried some of the shame from their attacks if they weren't the 'perfect' victim. "It pisses me off how many of the guys here don't get that. Why even work SVU if you don't think every victim deserves justice?"

A smile made its way on her face. "Exactly... Well at least they have a guy working here."

The man chuckled. "I don't work here, I'm just interning."

"You're an intern as well?"

"Yeah... I know I'm a bit older than most but..." He shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck and Olivia caught sight of the Marine emblem on his forearm. "Life got in the way."

"No I- I get it." She stepped forward and held out her hand. "I'm Olivia Benson."

The Marine took her hand and shook it, stunning Olivia. After her assault there had been two men she had allowed to touch her and she hadn't felt fearful, the man who had saved her and the person at the bar.

But it was different with him. She didn't just feel 'okay', even as she felt the gold ring on his finger, it was the first time that she actually wanted this mans touch to linger,

"Elliot Stabler."

The two interns smiled at one another before they heard a detective call his name.

"Probably wants another coffee," Elliot said with a slight groan.

"Probably," she told him with a smile.

He studied her for a moment before he spoke. "You should smile more," he told her. "You seem like the kind of person who doesn't do it as often as she should."

"You're very perceptive for someone who just met me two minutes ago," she told him, realizing that neither had yet to let go of the others hand.

…God she wished that ring wasn't there...

Elliot shrugged, flashing her a brilliant smile that made her weak in the knees. "Well I do plan to be a detective someday. Being perceptive is kinda in the job description."

"Very true," said Olivia with another smile that he could barely stand to turn away from.

The two interns looked at one another for a long moment, Olivia stunning herself when she realized just how easily she could get lost in the brilliant blue of his eyes when the detective called his name again this time less patient and he rolled his eyes.

"Time for me to go row with the other slaves."

"Same."

"So... I'll see you later?" he asked her.

A smile she could only characterize as flirty appeared on her lips. "I look forward to it."

Elliot grinned at her answer before taking her hand, that he still had let to yet go and brought it to her lips, making her heart flutter dangerously.

Taking one last almost longing look at the woman standing before him Elliot turned and walked away with Olivia staring after him.

...God she hated that ring...

She looked after him for one last moment before she went back to her work, a smile growing on her face as she did.

In the days, weeks, even months after her assault Olivia thought for sure that she would never be able to recover. She thought for sure she would never get back to who she was, she thought there was no end in sight. She would turn into an alcoholic like her mother just to erase the pain of what had happened every night.

Instead she was living life again. She was doing well in school once more, her nightmares were now, mostly, a thing of the past, she had even just FLIRTED with a man...

She had been given a chance to survive, to thrive, and she had taken it with both hands and held on as tight as she could.

As Olivia filed the folders in the spacious room tears fell from her eyes but, for the first time in forever, they were tears not of sadness or anger but of joy.

Ben Taylor hadn't beaten her. If anything he had made her stronger. She had done something she hadn't thought was possible.

Olivia Benson, for the first time in a very long time... Had actually won.

 **PRESENT DAY**

Tears filled Olivia's eyes as she sat in the waiting room waiting for some news on her best friend that had gotten shot simply for being in her apartment when

The doctor had yet to come out with any news, she hadn't even given a statement to IAB yet until she knew for a fact that Barba was gonna be okay. If he didn't make it, she wasn't sure how she would be able to handle it.

The lieutenant saw Carisi and Amanda hurry around the corner and came into the waiting room where Olivia was waiting she stood up, wiping her own eyes so they wouldn't see that she had been crying.

"Where is he?" Carisi asked, failing to keep the panic out of his voice.

"He's still in surgery," she told the detective. "I'm waiting for the doctor now."

Her heart broke as she saw her detective close his eyes, struggling to hold back tears. She swallowed hard before she placed a hand on his shoulder, waiting until he opened his eyes to look at her before she spoke.

"I know why you're scared," she said softly in an all too knowing voice so only he heard her words, not knowing if Amanda knew about her partners relationship or not. "But he's gonna be fine, Carisi. I know he will."

"You... You know?"

Olivia nodded. "Barba told me. But it's fine, Carisi, I don't care," she added when she saw the flash of fear in his eyes. "He's going to wake up."

"You don't know that, Lieu..."

"I DO know that. He's strong, Carisi, he's gonna get through this."

Olivia started to lift her hands to hug him but she then, rightfully, figured, he didn't want to be consoled like that in front of his partner so instead she just offered him the seat she had been sitting in. "I'm gonna go get some coffee, okay? Do you want any?" she asked, not really thirsty but wanting to give him some privacy.

The young detective just shook his head so Olivia walked out, giving a look to Amanda, silently telling the blonde to follow her out of the waiting room which she thankfully did.

"Lieutenant," Amanda began when they were a fair distance away from the grieving detective. "Are you alright?"

Olivia said nothing and just walked into an abandoned room with Amanda coming in behind her.

"Liv, what-."

"Did Taylor rape you?" Olivia interrupted, far more bluntly than she would have otherwise.

Amanda took a deep breath and shook her head. "He... I think he tried too but Frannie knocked over the drink before I could finish it."

Olivia closed her eyes and leaned against the door as relief flooded her face. "Okay... Okay, I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Amanda told her. "I know you thought he was a rapist... Turns out you were right, and I defended him," she muttered embarrassed.

"Taylor can be... very convincing," she told her youngest detective. "It's not your fault you got swept up in his charms."

"It is though. You knew, even before Annie was attacked you knew something was off about him and I didn't see it."

"Amanda," Olivia began with a sigh. "I knew he was dangerous because... I knew him before came here."

"I know. He told me you two dated."

Olivia raised her brow. "Dated?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "The first day he came he told me you and him dated in college, and that's how he got the scars on his face. You slapped him hard enough to leave marks when he broke up with you."

She bit her lip, holding back her tears as she listened to the lie he had told her detective.

"No... Amanda we... we never dated. I only knew him for... for one night. We were at a party together, I was drinking..."

The blondes face fell as she looked over her lieutenants face. "Olivia, did... did he-."

"Whatever he did is in the past," she interrupted. "He's in lock up right now and he's gonna pay for what he did to Annie and to Barba."

"And to you," Amanda added.

"...And to me," said Olivia in a whisper.

The two women stared at one another for a moment before Olivia cleared her throat, pushing a piece of hair from her face. "You wanna go bring Carisi some coffee?"

"Sure. And um... I know why he's so upset as well." Despite all that had happened, Amanda couldn't help the small chuckle. "They didn't exactly try to hide it did they?"

"Oh they tried," said Olivia. "They just failed miserably."

Another chuckle. "Very true... You sure you're okay, Liv?"

"I'm fine. Go and bring the coffee to Carisi."

With another smile towards the Lieutenant the blonde left. The second she did Olivia leaned back against the wall, letting a few tears slide down her cheeks and before she knew it she was sitting on the floor sobbing. She sobbed for what had happened to her teenage self, for almost hurting her son because she had turned to alcohol again, for what Annie Richards had endured, for what had nearly happened to Amanda, for the fact that Carisi might lose the man he loved, for the fact that she might lose her best friend, for the fact that she was almost a victim once again by the same man...

She cried for everything and everyone that Ben Taylor had ever hurt...

Olivia was crying so hard she didn't hear the door open nor the person step inside. She didn't notice she was no longer alone until a gentle hand touched her shoulder.

"Liv?" the voice she knew so well said.

She looked up from the tears and saw Tucker kneeling in front of her, his eyes full of worry and comfort and love all at once.

Without wasting another moment she wrapped her arms around him and sobbed into his shoulder and he returned the embrace as tight as he could, stroking her hair as he spoke. "It's alright," he told her barely above a whisper. "Everything's gonna be alright, you're safe now, Liv... It's alright..."

When her sobs finally ceased, Olivia laid her head against his chest as he held her.

"I'm so sorry," said Tucker. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there, Liv, I should have thought to check on you and Noah when we found out he was gone."

Olivia sniffed, shaking her head. "It's not your fault."

"No but I still should have been there for you."

She just snuggled up closer and said nothing, simply enjoying the strength of his arms around her.

"Did... Did he do anything to you?" he asked.

The second it took her to answer was the longest second in Ed Tuckers long life.

"No. He wanted me to take the pills so he could but he didn't touch me this time."

He let out a sigh of relief, kissing her on top of the head.

"He shot Barba though," she said.

"I know. Me and Fin got the call from Amanda."

"I'm sorry I didn't call you first but I had to call Carisi and then I just was worried about keeping him alive until the ambulance came..."

"I know, Liv. You're fine, you did exactly what I would have wanted Barba to do if you had been shot."

Tears gathered in her eyes once more. "What if he doesn't make it, Ed?"

"He will."

"But what if he doesn't? He... He might die just because he was in my apartment with me and Taylor was obsessed with me."

"Exactly. TAYLOR was the one obsessed, TAYLOR was the one who pulled the trigger, if something happens to him, TAYLOR is responsible..."

He turned her face up to look at him. "YOU did nothing wrong," Tucker emphasized. "He did. You are not to blame for any of this..."

Olivia looked up at him for a moment before she pulled his face close to her and kissed him. The Captain kissed her back, running his hand through her soft silky hair.

They pulled away and went back to holding one another. Even when Amanda stuck her head in he continued to hold her and Olivia didn't bother lifting her head from his chest.

"The doctors back form working on Barba, he's talking to Carisi now," the blonde told them.

Tucker thanked her, turning to Olivia afterwards. "You ready to go see what he has to say?"

Olivia took a deep breath before she nodded, kissing him one last time before they both stood up and, clutching one anothers hands, they walked back out to the waiting room, both of their hearts pounding nervously.

The moment when they turned the corner into the waiting room Olivia wanted to cry.

Not out of sadness but out of joy, seeing the beaming smile on Carisi's face and a relieved grin on his partner standing next to him.

Carisi noticed Olivia and Tucker standing in the doorway and he hurried over to the two leaders, hugging the lieutenant tightly. "He's gonna be okay!"

Olivia let out a relieved laugh as she hugged her detective back.

Barba was gonna survive, he was going to live... Taylor hadn't beaten him.

When Carisi finally let go Tucker wrapped his arm around her waist, leaning in and kissing the side of her head as the doctor turned his attention to them, chuckling at what had just taken place.

"He's going to be a little sore for a while, but Mr. Barba should make a full recovery. If the bullet had hit an inch lower, he would have bled out almost instantly."

As the doctor spoke, Olivia eyes grew wide with a realization.

When she slammed int Taylor the force of her blow had forced his hands to jerk up.

Olivia had been the one to actually save him...

"He's resting now," the doctor continued. "But one of you is welcome to sit with him until he wakes up."

"Go," Olivia told Carisi before he even opened his mouth. "Let him know I'm alright but go be with him, Carisi."

The detective gave her a grateful smile before he followed the doctor down the hall to where his boyfriend was recovering.

"Barba's gonna be okay, Liv," Tucker told her with a happiness in his voice. "He's gonna be fine."

"He didn't beat him..."

Olivia turned and, for the first time in a very long time, smiled a true genuine smile.

She had her best friend, her boyfriend, she didn't know it yet but Dodds had already told 1PP to go to Hell and had reinstated her into her command position, she had her son, and Taylor... Taylor, who was not only a rapist but a cop, would be in solitary confinement for almost the rest of his days for his own 'protection;. He would have nothing apart form a shower once every few days and an hour let out of his cage with no other human contact apart from the guards...

She had everything she could have ever wanted while he had nothing.

Olivia smiled a true, genuine smile at Tucker, leaning into his touch.

"He didn't beat anyone this time..."

 **The End**


End file.
